Weight

All posts tagged Weight

Pin one recipe aimed at pregnant ladies, and suddenly Pinterest has made way off-base assumptions about my current child expectancy situation.

Published February 4, 2018 by Malia

I’m in a quandary.

If you’ve been here over the last month, you know that I’m starting the process of bringing my blood sugar down and getting my diabetes back into the realm of “Controlled.”

I’m making sure I’m taking my meds religiously (even though they make me feel like crap 24/7). Since January 8th, I’ve not had one sugar reading over 200. I’m seeming to stay between 120-140. I know there’s room for improvement, but considering that I was consistently in the 220-240 range a little over a month ago, I’m happy to be where I am.

Not only am I supposed to be lowering my blood sugar numbers, I’m also supposed to be losing weight.

And that’s not happening.

I’m stuck. I’ll lose 5 pounds, and then those five pounds immediately come back. And then I’ll lose them again, just to find them back a few days later. It’s a frustrating, brutal cycle.

I’m stressing out so much about the weight not cooperating (and stress is really, just about the best thing for blood sugar numbers…not!). I’ve only got until the end of March to show improvement, or I’m facing insulin.

I don’t want to go on insulin! It’s not even something I can afford to think about having to do.

So, that’s my quandary. How do I get the weight to come off and stop coming back? It’s not like this is a new challenge, either. I’ve been fighting this losing weight battle for so long now, I’m at my wit’s end.

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Couldn’t stop it if I tried

Published January 2, 2014 by Malia

Well, for better or worse, 2014 is upon us.  2013 has come and gone and will never come this way again.  Now is about when some people are starting to regret the kisses at midnight and the hastily made resolutions.  Of course, I too am swept up in the enthusiasm of facing a new year.  Maybe it was the whole waking up to the first snow of the new year.  Everything looked clean and white and new and fresh and possible.  So, here’s a few goals I’ve got for myself as I start down the road of 2014…

-Lose the weight.  This one is starting to make me sound like a broken record.  I know it needs to be lost, and I need to keep going and being serious about it for more than a month.

-Eat less fast food.  Fast food has definitely become an escape method for me.  Let’s see, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?  Okay, well I’ve admitted it, now to put into practice avoiding it.

-Read more and revamp book blog.  The discovery of Skyrim and the availability of Facebook have definitely interfered with my reading habit.  I’m a free-ish, single woman.  I should be reading.

-Speaking of Facebook…Neil Gaiman beat me to the punch last night when he posted that he’s going to be on Facebook less, and going to be blogging more.  I’ve been wasting far too much time on Facebook, and it’s really been bothering me over the last year.  Up until this last month it hasn’t really bothered me enough to do something about it, but I’m now to the point that I’m not giving it up, but I’m going to try to be on it quite a bit less.

-Spend more time writing.  First off, I want to update this blog on a more regular basis (and the book blog), but I also want to get more serious about writing in general.  I’ve got several very good ideas, but I’ve been too scared to write them down, too scared of what others might think of me if they knew what I had written.

-Dealing with fear.  I tend to let fear control my life, which is apparently a bad thing.  Mostly, I fear what other people think of me and my decisions.  Then when I know someone’s disappointed I spend way too much time beating myself up over it.  I’m going to try very hard to stop living in fear and especially try to stop beating myself up constantly for every time I think I’ve screwed up somehow.

Happy 2014!  Make it a good one!

Long Lost Summer

Published August 7, 2013 by Malia

If there’s one word I could use to describe this summer, it would be “lost.”  I’m not really sure where the summer went, and honestly I kind of feel numb about most of this summer.

My cat died, and it hit me really hard.  I’m not sure why, either.  Usually when I’ve had pets pass on, it’s been sad, but not so overwhelming.  So, yeah, that threw me into a tailspin where I stopped caring about eating right and exercising, but enough is enough.  I started back to exercising today, and I’m also back to measuring and monitoring what I’m eating.  It’s soooooo super exciting.

One positive thing I did this summer was to write the first draft of what I hope will turn into my first real book.  I started working on the second draft this week, and am doing my best to not get all perfectionist about it.

And that’s how I lost my summer.

Random Saturday Musings

Published March 9, 2013 by Malia

Oz: The Great and Powerful opened this weekend, and so far all reports I’ve heard from friends are in the positive.  I am anxiously awaiting my turn to see it!

-I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what brings two people together and makes them consider marriage.  I’ve known people who got married simply because they thought the other person had a cute butt (also, looking back, I think there may have been alcohol involved in their decision as well).  What amazed me was that these people were confused as to why they didn’t have a great marriage.  Then, there’s people who marry someone who seems like their perfect counterpart, and things either go brilliantly, or fall apart so terribly it makes others question whether marriage is really that great of an idea.  After watching The Mirror Has Two Faces again (for the umpteenth time) last week, I have to agree with the idea of marrying your very best friend.  I know this isn’t a new thought on planet Earth.  That’s how it should be.  You should marry someone who knows you better than anyone else.  Someone who knows why you do the strange, quirky things you do, and finds it all endearing.  Now, I have no magical idea that marriage is a happy-happy fun time wonderland.  In fact, I know just from observation that it’s ridiculously hard.  It’s tons of work.  Why would you want to try to tackle that with someone who isn’t your best friend, and doesn’t really know you that well?

-Realizing that my weight truly is something I’m using as a defense, I’m making moves forward (somewhat drastic moves, for me at least) to deal with it.  I find myself, sometimes several times a day, having to tell those memories of hurt, “You have no power over me!”  It’s all very Labyrinth.  It’s true, though.  Just because something happened doesn’t mean that it has any right to control who I am or what I do.  Yes, everything that happens serves to shape the person we become, but to live in fear and bondage and pain isn’t okay.

-Every time I watch Thor I come back with the same two questions.  Spoiler-ish alert.  1.  How is it that Thor manages to return to Earth in Avengers?  The end of Thor kind of left him stuck at Asgard.  Is Thor 2 going to solve this?  2.  Why are people such big fans of Loki?  Sure, he’s a great bad guy, but I’m a little weirded out by how girls seem so drawn to him.  He’s malicious and greasy.  Also, the way he toys with those around him is kind of emotionally abusive.

-Daylight Savings Time.  Not really looking forward to it, but am awfully glad there’ll be an extra hour of daylight each evening.

-I solved the issue of fans being mad that–Spoiler Alert!–Matthew was left the way he was at the end of Downton‘s most recent season. At the beginning of next season, he should suddenly regenerate into David Tennant, and we find out that he’s actually The Doctor.  Also, I would love to see the Maggie Smith character as a companion!

 

I’ll Never

Published January 28, 2013 by Malia

Never is an interesting word.  Have you ever found yourself thinking, “Well, I’ll NEVER do/be/go/live that/there?”  Why, why, why do we say it?  It’s like we’re asking to be doomed to that fate.  Notice, most people don’t use never in a positive manner.  It’s always, “I’ll never be stuck in a dead end job.”  “I’ll never live in North Dakota.”  “I’ll never marry that person.”  You get the point.  Never seems to be this prophetic word.  I wonder what would happen if you said “never” about things that you actually want to have happen?  “I’ll never live in Hawaii.”  “I’ll never lose the weight.”  “That person will never marry me.”  Of course, that seems like it might backfire.    

Pillow Talk

Published January 24, 2013 by Malia

My bed is cold.  Every.  Single.  Night.  My bed is lonely.  Every.  Single.  Night.  I’m surrounded by pillows, but you know what the problem with pillows is?  Pillows never ask you how your day was.  Pillows just lay there in various forms of flatness, and are silent.  In fact, if my pillows start talking, I’m pretty sure I have bigger problems than just having a cold, lonely bed.  My point is, on some levels being in my late 20’s and single truly has it’s downsides.

Now, don’t misunderstand me, I greatly enjoy some parts of being single.  I love that if I want to go hang with friends, I have no worries about if I have plans already, or if my friends will accept my boyfriend into our group.  I love that I can be pretty selfish when it comes to my money.  If I want to buy a book or movie or video game (although, I’m pretty sure most guys don’t care if their girls buy video games) and I have the money, it’s no big deal.

Overall, though, as the years pass and I remain single it tends to get more wearing.  I just want someone to share in this adventure of life with.

To this end I was having a conversation with two really close friends a few weeks ago, and one friend asked me if I had a list of what I was looking for.  I had a mental list, but afterwards, I realized that I’ve never written down that list before.  Then earlier this week, as I was praying that God would bring that special someone into a friend’s life, I realized that I’ve never actually prayed that God would bring someone into my life.  So, I immediately texted one of my 3 very bestest friends and asked her if she would pray with me about this.  I really don’t believe I was created to be alone.  I believe that I am alone right now, because there are lessons I am in the process of learning.  However, the desire to be married has yet to be removed (and crazy as it sounds, I’ve prayed it would be), so I’m changing up how I pray.  I rarely ask for help from anyone (even God), which is pretty wrong.  It’s not that I’m too proud, I’m kind of backwards. I don’t want to bug people or God with my needs or wants, because I feel they’re so paltry compared to people with real needs.

Anyway, since I’m not desiring my pillows to develop voices, and I’m not wanting to be known to my “niece” as the crazy cat lady, here’s my list of what I’m looking for:

1.  Not just a fan, but completely on fire for Jesus.

2.  Loves pets; sans bugs, snakes, and spiders.

3.  I don’t care if he’s a sports fan, but he needs to be okay with the fact that I am not, nor will I probably ever be a sports fan.  Also, if I do watch sports, I rarely cheer wildly.  However, I totally love the Olympics, and he will have no problem getting me to sit and watch those games.

4.  Enjoys musicals.

5.  Loves movies.  Going to the movies is something I really love doing, and I would hope that I’d be able to be with someone who not only enjoys the whole going to the theater experience, but is willing to make entertaining comments throughout.

6.  Loves British t.v. shows, especially all things “Who.”  I have always had a soft spot for things produced by the BBC.  Generally, they’re quite a bit better than most things on American television.

7.  Loves books.  Hmmm…maybe this should be a bit higher on my list.  Yeah, it probably belongs up there as number 3.

8.  Family relationships should be important.  I’m pretty much it when it comes to parent care on my side of the family, so he’s going to have to be okay with this, and willing to help me.  Also, it’s super important to me, despite my age, that he ask for my father’s permission to date/court/marry me.

9.  Wants to travel, visit museums, go to the zoo, see the world, and take pictures of all of it.  I admit I’m not a great photographer, but I really love to take pictures.  I want to be with someone who enjoys travel and photography as much as I do.

10.  Be okay with the kid thing.

Let me explain number 10.  (And yes, I’ve kind of talked about this before, and yes, it may be slightly graphic and uncomfortable to read.)

Last fall, when everything went really south, health-wise, I found myself sitting, facing a doctor who was trying to figure out how to deliver unpleasant news.  She had to tell me that it was highly unlikely that I would ever be able to have children.  To this day, I don’t envy doctors who have to tell women this.  Fortunately, for her, I didn’t go into hysterics or any of that sort of reaction.  In fact, I pretty much had already guessed.  I’d known for a long time that certain parts didn’t work right.  Parts that are required to carry a baby through a pregnancy.  Her telling me, just confirmed what I already suspected.  Now, I’ve never been wild about having kids, but I certainly thought having one might not be too bad.  I’m okay (mostly, but believe me there have been some intense discussions with mom and with God regarding the fact that there are 15 year old’s who sleep with everything and get knocked up, and yet I try to be a good kid, and not only do I have this whole nightmare weight situation, but I also have a body that doesn’t understand the basics of how to work right) with all of this, but recently I’ve found myself wondering if this will be a huge check-mark against me for guys.  It seems that a lot of guys, even good guys, are obsessed with the idea of producing babies.  I guess they need to know that their sperm can swim in order to feel like a “real” man.  I figure that if I there’s someone out there who can love me, knowing that I can’t have babies (unless a miracle takes place), then they truly love me, and don’t just view me as breeding stock.

11. Doesn’t take himself too seriously, or say mean-spirited things, thinking he’s being funny.

12.   Loves, respects, and treats me as a partner, not just someone who’s supposed to clean and cook.  In return, I guarantee that I will love, respect, honor, and be loyal.  I’m looking for a best friend.

And there you have it.  I know that we can’t always have what we want, but I figure it doesn’t hurt to be specific.

This is rare…

Published January 21, 2013 by Malia

That’s right, it’s a morning post!  The sun is actually out (or at least I’m assuming it is out somewhere behind the piles of dark grey clouds outside) as I write this.

There’s not very much that’s new in my life.  I’m quite busy at work.  I really love that it lets me make use of my minimal OCD-ness.  I’m really only OCD at work, although my parents are really hoping that maybe my need for everything to be in a certain place and done a certain way will translate into my room getting put in order and my boxes unpacked.  I’m not sure why it’s so difficult for me to unpack.  Maybe it’s because I have moved so many times, I just am leaving stuff packed because subconsciously I’m expecting to move again, and what would be the point of unpacking in that case?  (Wow, that’s a terribly constructed sentence, and yet I refuse to fix it.  I’m just that kind of rebel.)  Anyway, work is pretty fun and on occasion slightly gross.  I like that while there’s the structure of routine, I’m getting different specimens to sort every day, so I never get very bored.  This is a good thing, because I get bored quite easily.

I’ve been working out almost daily (usually M-F with breaks on the weekend).  I can tell my clothes are fitting much better.  I haven’t had a chance to weigh myself in a while, so I have no idea what my weight actually is currently.  Therefore, I’m labeling my weight as “Less-Fat.”  I’m still fat, just not as fat as I was.  I’ve been using the Leslie Sansone walking videos to work out.  I do anywhere from 1-3 miles a day.  It all depends on how awake I am and whether I get to go to work at regular time, or if I have to leave and hour earlier for work (car fun, which has led to sharing of vehicles, which means I usually end up at work 1.5 hours early.  This is okay, though, because I’m getting lots of reading done!)

I got a new betta this weekend.  My last betta, Elvira, passed away while I was at school last fall.  She was living here at home because I wasn’t sure she’d survive the 8 hour drive to Grand Forks.  Anyway, the new betta is a really beautiful blue color, and kind of looks like the eye of a peacock feather.  I had a terrible time not bringing home all the bettas at the store.  I know they’re a little fish, but it seems kind of inhumane to keep them in those itty-bitty little cups.  It makes me quite sad.  Enough with the sadness.  My new betta is named Perseus Jackson or PJ (for short).  I figured that naming a beautiful fish after the son of Poseidon could only help it survive!  Now, I’m just wishing I could figure out how to take a good picture of him.