This too shall pass…it may pass like a kidney stone…but it will pass

Published April 23, 2017 by Malia

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger.  Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”  Mel Brooks

“I don’t think you can take anymore bad news.” the boy informed me when he got home on Thursday night.

“You’re probably right, but you can’t say something like that and not tell me what happened.”

Turned out that he’d blown a tire that afternoon.  As I sat there, taking in the latest bit of bad news in our life, there was this little voice in the back of my head that muttered something about, “One day you’ll look back on this and laugh.”  However, laughter wasn’t exactly forthcoming in that moment.  Instead, I sat there doing math and trying not to cry.

We’d barely been scraping by this month, but I knew that with the paychecks being deposited on Friday, we’d finally be able to pay the mortgage, and have just a little left over to finally be ahead instead of facing the red.  Now, that little was going to cover replacing tires.

Now, before I continue, I feel I should make an interjection here.  I realize that over that over the last several months, the few times I have blogged, it’s been stressed, depressed writing.  I’ve just been stuck.  Completely overwhelmed and terrified of what bad news each day is going to bring.  The thing is, I know that the more I focus on feeling crapped on, the more crapped on I’m going to feel.  So, I’m making a point to try to not focus on the bad, and I’m going to try to find the good and the funny/absurd.

And back to the story…

Thankfully, we did have just enough to cover the mortgage and the tires.  However, I am trying very hard not to freak out right now, because I have zero idea of how we’re going to pay our electric bill that’s also due this week.  I dream of a day when we can pay all of our bills on time every month.  I know that we’re nearing that day, because we’ve already made great progress since the end of last year when we couldn’t pay anything.  So, that’s a happy thought.

And despite the stress, and the fear, we’re okay.  The boy and I are together, holding on tight to each other and to Jesus.

And if we do end up living down by the river, at least we’ve got a van.

I’m pretty sure there’s a centipede standing over us, dropping shoes.

Published April 7, 2017 by Malia

I had this whole rant written, that I’m pretty sure was mostly influenced by fever and cough meds.  I deleted the rant, and am going to stick to the bare bones as best I can.

The Boy was in a car accident yesterday morning.  Fortunately, no one was hurt.  However the car’s radiator is cracked.  It’s currently in the shop, and we’re waiting to hear what the estimate is and what insurance is going to cover.
I’m scared, frustrated, and overwhelmed.  Since we got married two years ago it’s felt like we’ve become life’s punching bag.  I know we have a lot to be thankful for, that we’re far better off than quite a few people.  I’m just tired of the constant barrage of “other shoes” that keep dropping.  I’ve shared a little of our struggles, but kept many parts of the last two years very private, because frankly it’s not something I’ve been prepared to share. I still need more distance from the events to be able to write about them with a clear head.  Hindsight and time are valuable things when it comes to learning lessons.  

 I’m not sure how to end this, so I ask for your prayers and good thoughts.  And if you’re feeling really beat up by life, please know you’re not alone.   

The Return of the Lab Hobbit

Published April 2, 2017 by Malia

I went back to work in February.  I’m not sure I was really ready to go back to work, but our bank account was having a really negative attitude, so it seemed like the best option.  Funny thing, the people that send us bills really like when we pay those bills…

I’m back in a lab, a place I was afraid I’d never get to go back to.  Not only that, but I’m in a hospital lab.  I’ve spent years wishing I could be in a hospital lab, and now I am.  I’m feeling quite a bit happier than I have in a long while.  I actually want to go to work, which is always a positive.  As I’m starting my third month there, I find I’m still feeling a little overwhelmed by everything, but my coworkers are the best, and they’re always available to help me through the little hiccups and the big nightmares.

The boy and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary in March.  And by “celebrated,” I mean he woke up two minutes before I left for work, and that was the only time we saw each other that day (he didn’t get home from work until the wee hours of the morning the next day).  I’m hoping that by next year we’ll actually get to celebrate both Valentine’s Day and our anniversary (this year’s Valentine’s Day disaster is worthy of it’s own post).  While celebrating may not have happened, I can honestly say that I am so incredibly blessed to have the boy by my side.  We’re not perfect spouses, we both screw up on a regular basis (me, far more than him) but we do the best we can.  The first two years of marriage have been really difficult.  I’ve cried more in the last year, than I have in my entire life.  It’s been exhausting, overwhelming, and even scary.  However, I think it’s actually drawn us closer together, having to go through this.  I know it’s brought me closer to God (that’s another post, as well).

And now, I’m going to sign off for the night, because tomorrow is going to be here very soon and I can’t afford to sleep through my alarm again (that’s definitely another post.  I’m sensing a theme…).

Lipsense and Vlogging

Published January 12, 2017 by Malia

Kids, buckle your seatbelts.  I tried something new…actually two new somethings.  I hesitated to make this video because the internet can be a cruel place.  However, I didn’t think photos would accurately show what my first reaction to Lipsesne was.  So, if you’ve ever wondered what I sound like, today’s your lucky day.  

I Tried Lipsense
Also, it’s been a few hours since I recorded the video and the gloss has mostly worn off, but the rest of the product is still holding firm and looks beaitiful!

Food Weirdness

Published January 4, 2017 by Malia

It’s only when you decide to blog on a regular basis that you realize just how boring your life truly is.   Example: right now I’m watching Star Trek The Original Series and contemplating smoothie bowls.

I like smoothies.  They’re about the only way I can manage to consume my vegetables (that’s a story for another post).  You can easily drink them, and they’re just pretty great.  However, lately I’ve been seeing pictures of smoothie bowls popping up around the internet.    These things baffle me.  Sure, they’re pretty to look at, but they almost seem to defeat the purpose of making a smoothie.  Instead of a drink you can take with you, it’s a bowl that you have to sit and eat.  That’s weird, right?

So, as you can see, I’m thinking very deep thoughts.  

Tiny Bathroom Hack

Published January 2, 2017 by Malia

This is the vanity in our master bathroom:

This is how our vanity usually looks.  The problem is, our master bathroom is less suite and more dorm.  Translation: it’s small.  Almost claustrophobic.  

When the boy was a bachelor, the bathroom was fine.  He didn’t need much counter space; just enough to put soap and a cup.  Then he married me and discovered that unlike himself, I needed loads of counter space.  I needed everything, readily accessible, all the time.  Mostly, he’s been a good sport about it, but as we near the two year mark I can tell that the disaster that the counter has become is definitely an annoyance.  Which led to me trying to come up with a solution.

Ta-Da:

A shoe rack was the answer.  It works so perfect and I can’t wait for the boy to get home from work so he can see the improvement to our counter!

Life’s not perfect, but I’m so thankful for the ability to fix some of those imperfections. 

New Year, Better Me

Published January 1, 2017 by Malia

The first Sunday, this past November, I received two blows of bad news before I’d headed to church that morning. I’d cried all through service.  Then my parents took me to lunch, and I continued to cry.  Somewhere in the middle of my blubbering, I choked out the words, “I have no hope left.”  

I was so scared.  The depression pit I had been fighting all year wasn’t a new abode for me.  Sure, it’d been a few years since I’d last gotten trapped there, but at least I knew I’d eventually escape.  However, the feeling that all hope, even the hope that I’d eventually feel hope again, had been used up.  Suddenly, the depression pit was a lot deeper, darker, and scarier than it’d ever been.  

As November progressed I cried, a lot.  Usually the tears were due to fear anout the future, but sometimes they were due to frustration or anger or exhaustion (or a combination of all of the above).  The days drug by, and I felt completely immobilized by my depression and anxiety.  Most days I’ve considered it a victory when I get out of bed.  

This last week, has been a bit less dark, and I’m slowly starting to feel like I might be able to pull it together.  But I’m scared.  I’m terrified that depression and hopelessness will suddenly rear up and drag me down into an even deeper and darker pit.  

So, I’ve set some goals for myself for this new year.  Goals that, I hope, will help keep me from completely disappearing into the pit.  I want to get healthy, mentally and physically for myself and for the boy.  The poor, long-suffering boy who loves me so fiercly, and has been there holding on to me through all of this.

1.  Make sure the dirty dish side of the sink is empty every night before I go to bed.

2. Up my water intake.  I really want to try the gallon of water a day challenge, but I’m not sure I’m ready, so I’m starting by just drinking more water period (fairly easy considerimg I rarely drink water).

3.  Rejoin the gym and go five days a week.

4.  Leave the tv off for the better part of the day.

5.  Practice flute, clarinet, and trombone thirty minutes a day five days a week.  Practice trumpet and piano one hour five days a week. 

6.  Write for at least an hour five days a week. 

7. Do one thing in the house that qualifies as cleaning or organizing everyday. 

8.  Limit consumption of soda/junk food/fast food.  

9.  When possible, eat one family meal a week at the dining room table with the tv off, instead of on the couch with the tv on.

I feel that these are all things I can actually stick to, and hopefully with this plan of action 2017 will be amazing!