I was going to write this whole post about how frustrated I am that I can’t maintain a “normal” body temperature, and constantly run on the cold end of the thermometer. However, I was boring myself as I was writing it. Which means all you lovely people would be equally bored. So, I’m gonna set that post aside for awhile. It’s kind of funny, but it’s taking too long to get to the funny.
Instead, I’m going to take a moment to assure the world at large that as of right now I am NOT pregnant, and not adopting either. Maybe someday. Apparently, a previous post from a few weeks ago was a bit misleading, since I mentioned that there were some changes ahead in my life. Said changes are more of the “I’m trying to figure out what I want ro be when I grow up” variety.
There’s this thing about being married. You have to take the other person’s needs and wants into account. This isn’t always the easiest, especially when I spent the first twenty-nine years of my life being very single, and my choices really only affected me. Having the flu and then bronchitis and now bronchitis again (it’s not officially been diagnosed this time, but this is not my first bronchitis rodeo) has provided me with a ridiculous amount of time to think. There are things that I know the boy would like of me (his top love language is Acts of Service). They aren’t difficult things, and certainly nothing that is wrong of him to expect and want. I’ve come to realize that those things are far more important to me than so many other things. I know I’m being a bit cryptic, but that’s cause things are still kind of in flux. I just know that I want to be a good wife (especially since he’s such an amazing husband). I want to have the boy want to come home at the end of the week. I want to get healthy.
And my chest is really hurting, so maybe I should go to the doctor and get this bronchitis officially diagnosed…
If I ever don’t work in the world of healthcare, the one thing I will never EVER miss is working on the days immediately before, on, and directly following a full moon.
Full moons suck.
The boy honestly believes I’m just superstitious. I think he wouldn’t think that if he’d seen the weirdness that I’ve seen.
When I worked in the vet clinic, a full moon guaranteed that the worst, most bat-crap crazy pet owners and their even more insane pets would descend like a cloud of locusts. (Cloud? Herd? Flock? I can’t remember the right of term right now.) On top of that, downright weird stuff would happen. Awful phone calls, and things that were mind-blowing bizarre. It didn’t just happen once. I could depend on it happening Every. Single. Month. I would intentionally use vacation time, just so I didn’t have to work on full moon days. Looking back, my coworkers might have wondered if I was a werewolf.
Today, it was just reinforced to me how truly awful full moons can be. I can’t actually write about it A. Because I wasn’t directly involved, and more importantly B. I’m not willing to violate HIPAA just for a blog post. Let’s just leave it that it was sad and I was reminded, yet again, that I work with some amazingly strong, smart, wonderful humans.
“Eagles may soar, but weasles don’t get sucked into jet engines.” Hands down, my all time favorite joke.
I completely lost the month of February. The flu was brutal; and then when I thought it was finally all over, I came down with post-infection bronchitis. I didn’t have the energy to do anything. I just stayed in bed, and slept through things on Netflix and Hulu.
I’m a week out now from the bronchitis diagnosis. I’m still not at 100%, but I’m starting to feel like maybe, just maybe, the worst is over.
March begins in a few hours, and I’m tentatively looking forward to it. There are changes headed towards me. I hope the changes are going to improve the boy and I’s life. Guess we won’t know until we’re actually into it. But at least I should have plenty to write about.
And now, I’m going to try to sleep, because tomorrow is my early shift, and I’ve found I’m more successful at my job when I’m not completely sleep deprived.
(You can find me on Snapchat as memary84.)
(I’ve been having a really bad anxiety attack tonight. The following are all things I’m thinking and feeling.)
The anxiety is bad tonight.
I’m wide awake, but I’m so exhausted.
My heart is pounding.
My chest is tight.
Breathing is taking concentration.
My head is tight and painful.
Why won’t my thoughts stop racing?
I can’t even tell you what’s racing through my mimd, it’s just a jumbled mess.
I feel like I’m shaking, but I’m not.
I’m so nauseous.
I feel like the air is closing in around me.
It’s too hot.
It’s too cold.
My clothes are heavy and it hurts.
I’m very aware of my fingernails.
I’m super thirsty.
There’s too much noise, but the house is quiet.
I can hear the blood rushing past my ears.
Why is it so loud?
I’m scared to turn off the lights.
The anxiety is really bad tonight.
(Fair warning, I’m on flu meds and even though I’ve proof-read this post, I can’t guarantee that it’s free of glaring spelling or grammar errors. I also can’t guarantee that it makes much sense. Right now I think it makes sense, but in a few days when I’m less medicated, I may discover that it’s not.)
I’ve been sleeping. A lot. In between bouts of sleeping comes rounds of nightmare coughing and knitting. I’m trying to stay as still and quiet as possible. When I’m awake I’ve been watching old tv shows that I know well enough it doesn’t matter if I fall asleep watching them. Solid plan, right?
I’ve discovered a flaw in my plan. I made the mistake of deciding to put on Gravity Falls. I love Gravity Falls, and it’s a pretty entertaining show to be watching while hopped up on flu meds. The problem? Gravity Falls’ theme song is also my phone’s ringtone. So, when I fall asleep mid-episode, (and if I’m not deeply asleep yet) I’m jolted awake when the next episode starts. I start blindly grasping for my phone, and then am super confused when my phone shows that I have no call coming in. It then takes my brain a few seconds to put two and two together.
So, if you get the flu (and I really recommend that you don’t), make sure you either don’t fall asleep with the tv on, or at least pick something that doesn’t play your ringtone every 23 minutes.
Reason for no posts lately? I have the flu. It hit insanely fast last Thursday morning, and I’ve been sleeping through Netflix since.
The worst part? I’ve actually been a relatively good patient the last several days, and yesterday I really thought I was finally through the worst. I took the boy to work this morning, and as the day has progressed I feel like it’s doubling back on me. So, I’m going to try to get some sleep so I can try to get through my shift at work tomorrow.
Also, don’t get the flu. It sucks.