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All posts for the month November, 2012

And now this story takes a twist…

Published November 27, 2012 by Malia

I’ve really been debating whether to write about what’s going on.  Since I’ve found writing this blog to be therapeutic, I’m going to go ahead and lay it all out there.  

This has been quite a difficult semester.  First there was the diagnosis of fun diseases (and by fun I mean super duper crappy type of fun), and then I got to start taking medicine.  I went from being a girl who only took anything stronger than ibuprofen when she had dental work done, to be the girl who has to keep track of whether she’s taken her pills everyday.  On top of this the meds and the stress completely threw my sleep out of joint.  Added to this, there was a bout of depression that hit me, and I found myself in counseling.  All in all, it’s been a lot to handle.

The final straw came the day I headed home for Thanksgiving break.  I had a seriously unpleasant meeting with the financial aid department that pretty much sealed the decision that for now the best option for me is to go back home to Omaha.  

I was handling this nightmare semi-sanely while I was home over break, but when I got back to campus on Sunday night it really hit me hard.  I had no plans to be leaving school and moving back home this soon.  I have been crying a lot, and I’m super stressed and super overwhelmed.  I feel like I’m back two and a half years ago.  I’ve started job hunting again, and I feel like my world is just falling apart.

I’m sure it sounds stupid, but I’ve always been the good girl.  Always tried to do the right thing, and no matter how hard or little I try, everything I do falls apart.  I always fall for the wrong guy.  I just feel like such a screwed up mess.

 I know, I’m quite the drama queen.

Another year older. Another year more immature?

Published November 25, 2012 by Malia

Today (11/24) was my 28th birthday.  My mother threatened to come in my room at 2:35 a.m. (the time I was born) and recreate the phone conversation from City Slickers.  If you’ve never seen the film (and you really should), here’s the conversation I’m referring to:

Anyway, thankfully she waited until 8 a.m. to deliver the “angel birthday girl” speech.  (My mom is fantastic, ya’ll wish you had a mama as awesome!)  Overall I had a wonderful day.  I did some epic yarn shopping (and I do mean epic), and am ready to make a pile of hats.  My parents and I went to see Wreck-It Ralph.  It was cute, but definitely not the best animated film I’ve ever seen.  It felt a bit slow, but I did enjoy all the nostalgic parts of it.  I got to have lunch at Red Lobster, a big treat in my family, and the shrimp & scallop alfredo was amazing as always.  My birthday cake was cheesecake (yes, it was a really naughty day for a diabetic, but hey you’re only 28 once), and I the piece I had was pumpkin and soooooo delicious!

Tonight I saw two films I’ve never seen before, but did own (I’m kind of bad about buying movies I want to see when I find them for cheap at Walmart or Half Price Books).  First, we watched Gremlins, which is a wonderful Christmas movie.  Then, I watched Poltergeist.  Yeah, definitely a film I don’t want to watch all the time, but it was a pretty great film.  Gets in your head, though.

Wow, 28.  It seems like such a big number.  I still feel like a teenager, and have no intention of trying to feel old.  I learned last week that my future plans are being thrown out the window.  I’m okay with this, though.  I need to get better at adjustment, and this is just another way to learn that.  Sure, it terrifies me, but at least I don’t have to face it alone.

I announced on Facebook tonight the fact that my birthday wish this year is that God would bring someone into my life.  I know I don’t need a man in my life, but I’ve spent 28 years as a single woman, and I’m perfectly fine if I reach 29 and still have no boyfriend experience.  I just don’t want to be alone anymore.  There are so many different kinds of being alone, and I’m certainly surrounded by family and friends and I appreciate it; but I don’t have anyone that (for back of a better descriptor) is my “special someone.”  I’m sure it sounds silly and selfish.  I should probably be wishing for world peace or something epic like that.  Anyway, this isn’t me demanding God give me a boyfriend, I’m just wishing and hoping that there’d be some indication that I’m not going to be single forever (how’s that for being a dram queen?).

I’m headed back to school tomorrow, and right now I’m trying to figure out where my iPod might be.  I had it with me when I came home, so I know it’s here somewhere I’m just not sure where.  Then I have 19 days until I’m home for good.

NaNo Update

Published November 12, 2012 by Malia

I’m currently at 15,559 words (I’m about 4500 words behind today’s goal).  Which is pretty amazing, because as I stated a couple of days ago, I’ve never written this much on one topic before.  I’ve hit a wall, and am completely blanking on what’s next.  I’m hoping that by tomorrow I’ll be back on track.

Random Saturday Musings

Published November 10, 2012 by Malia

-So, winter storm Brutus (our storm is named Brutus because letter a-Athena-is apparently hitting the East Coast pretty hard) has been a huge let down here.  It’s hit other parts of the state really hard, but all we’ve gotten is a rain/ice mix.  I’m not complaining too much, though, because I’m hoping to not have to drive through much snow when I head home in about a week.

-Apparently The Hobbit pre-sale tickets outsold the pre-sale tickets of both SkyfallBreaking Dawn 2.  I don’t care so much about it outselling Bond, but I’m super excited it outsold the (hopefully) final Twilight film.  There’s still hope for humanity!  Also, I say “hopefully final” knowing full well that the entire series will probably get remade in a few years.  Back to The Hobbit.  I’m so, so, so, so super, overwhelmingly excited to see it!  I’m so pumped I can’t hardly wait (but I have to, because it’s over a month until it comes out).  

-So, I’m behind on my NaNo.  I’m at 12,797 words, and I need to 16,666 today in order to get back on track.  That’s not quite 4,000 words, so shouldn’t be too hard to reach.  Right now, in Word, that’s showing up (with page breaks done for new chapters) as 47 pages in Pacifico font, and 37 pages in Times New Roman.  That’s 12 pt., single spaced.  (I’m writing in Pacifico because it looks like actual cursive, so I feel like I’m not just typing, but I’m writing.  I probably sound silly, but hey, it works.)  I can honestly say that I’ve never written this much on one subject in my entire life.  Even though my story is getting better, I know the beginning is an absolute travesty.  I desperately want to go back and re-do it, but I made a deal with Katy that neither of us would go back and re-read and undo until December.  It’s a good thing I made that deal.  It’s forcing me to really try to finish something.  I’m not very good at finishing things, so this NaNo is teaching me a very important lesson.

-Everyone seems to be having babies.  Seriously, I have three friends who all had babies within the last 48 hours.  I have friends who are due soon.  I have friends who’ve had babies in the last two weeks.

-I realized, as I was falling asleep last night, that I left my NaNo characters heading out into the outdoors on their journey.  This ought to be good, considering I’m not exactly Outdoors Woman.  While this issue really freaked me out last night, today I feel much more okay about it.  At least it’s not set on Earth, so I can be as creative as I want.

-This last Monday I was having a particularly down day, and I was feeling incredibly sad and hopeless.  I got an email in the middle of the day stating that I had a package in the mail room of the service center.  I immediately went over, because I knew I hadn’t ordered anything, so I couldn’t imagine what would be there.  To my shock, a family from my home church had sent me a care package!  It really did come at the perfect time, and it was so helpful.

-Okay, so this is kind of hard to admit to, but I started going to the campus counseling center a few weeks ago.  The gal who’s been treating me at Student Health thought it would be a good idea, since this whole chronic disease thing is a pretty bitter pill to swallow.  I figured, “Hey, it’s free, it couldn’t hurt.”  So, I started going.  I really wasn’t sure what to expect, but it’s actually been pretty good for me to talk to someone who’s neither friend nor family, but who I know isn’t going to go blabbing my issues all over the place.  (There’s a whole contract of confidentiality that legally keeps her from doing this.)  Anyway, this week I got assigned homework.  I’m supposed to come up with five good things about myself.  I think this homework was brought on by the fact that the week before we did my intake questionnaire  and when we got to the question, “What are good things about yourself?”  I sat there frozen, and finally came up with, “I’m punctual?”  Which, I am, but it’ a pretty sad state of affairs when the only good thing I can come up with about myself is that I’m on time, and when I state that fact I end up sounding like I’m questioning myself.  Of course, the following question in the intake was about what I didn’t like about myself, and the list I produced was quite long.  So, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching to try to come up with five things I honestly believe are true of myself and are also good.  I’m not sure why I’ve got such a low opinion of myself.  It’s certainly no one else’s fault.  My family has done nothing but remind me that they love me, and how precious and valuable I am to them.  I have friends who genuinely like me, so I know there’s got to be good things about me, I just have to learn to see them for myself.

Friday Night Questions

Published November 9, 2012 by Malia

-Is it just me, or does it seem slightly weird to name winter storms?

-What are five good things about yourself?

-Is everyone doing NaNo staying on track?

-Isn’t it great to watch something that you loved when you were little, and discover that you still enjoy it?

-Wouldn’t Portal make an excellent movie?

-Is this storm ever going to get here?