Movies

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I Have Now Seen “Sharknado” And It Totally Lived Up To My Expectations

Published August 7, 2014 by Malia

Granted, it helps that my expectations were phenomenally low.  Almost non-existent.  Basically, I was expecting a really campy movie filled with sharks and tornadoes.  Which is exactly what I got.

I have to give the boy major props here, because not only did he put Sharknado on the DVR (after I told him that there was no way I’d ever understand the subtle nuances & intricate plot details in Sharknado 2 unless I saw the original), but he actually sat through the epic amazingness/awfulness with me.

I will say that despite the many  flaws (including a complete lack of understanding of how both water and tornadoes work), and the generally bad acting; Sharknado was a much better film than most films I’ve seen SyFy put out.  However, I really would have liked more tornadoes.  Maybe Sharknado 2 will fill that void for me.

I am kind of concerned now, though, because while watching, I learned that the boy hasn’t got a chainsaw, or a helicopter, or any explosives.  I’m really not sure what we’re going to do when this totally realistic weather event hits the Midwest.

Solving Jar Jar

Published May 10, 2014 by Malia

The other night I was with the boy, and we were watching The New Yoda Chronicles: Escape from the Jedi Temple.  For those that are unaware of it, basically it’s Lego Star Wars.  So, lots of humor and everything is Lego.  Which, some might argue makes it better than actually watching Star Wars, but I digress…

Anyway, in the episode there’s a scene with everyone’s “favorite” character, Jar Jar…and Jar Jar’s three children.  That’s right, Jar Jar apparently met some female Gungan and procreated with her.  I pointed out that maybe if Jar Jar’s significant other was as annoying as he was, they might cancel each other out, and their kids would be perfectly normal.  The boy disagreed since the kids were probably at least 30, and they acted like they were five.  Then, I came up with a solution.  Maybe, Gungan’s age differently than humans.  Maybe Jar Jar didn’t become a mature Gungan until several years after Revenge of the Sith.    Now, before you discount this theory, let’s look at the evidence (and keep in mind, this is all supposition.  I don’t know if there’s actually evidence out there to destroy my theory).

In The Phantom Menace, we first encounter Jar Jar.  He’s annoying, clumsy, and generally irritating.  He’s got more in common with the twelve-year-old Anakin than he does with any of the adults.  Plus, it’s never established that he actually is an adult.  The other Gungans dislike him, and when he’s brought before the leader, no one jumps to his defense.  This could easily be explained if he’s an orphan.  For all we know, Jar Jar was a preteen orphan Gungan, and the Gungans saw that shipping him off with the Jedi’s was an easy way to rid themselves of someone they didn’t want to care for.

When you think of it like that, then everything that happens becomes loads sadder.  Basically, no one checked his age, accepted that he was an adult because he was tall and could talk.  They let him be an ambassador and put the fate of the galaxy in his hands.  Seriously?  What kind of moron lets a kid make those kinds of decisions?  On the other hand, he did come from a planet that boasted a queen who was 14 when she was elected.  But still, there were plenty in the senate not from Naboo, and they should have questioned the wisdom of giving Jar Jar so much responsibility.

That’s it, I move for a vote of “No Confidence” in the representatives from Naboo.

Anyone have an extra hundred grand just laying around?

Published January 27, 2014 by Malia

If you do, you could be the proud owner of this…

https://i0.wp.com/i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NzY4WDEwMjQ=/z/ZhkAAOxy4dNS5Iuw/$_57.JPG

http://www.ebay.com

That’s right, boys and girls, you could own a piece of movie history.  It even comes with Raptor.

https://i0.wp.com/i.ebayimg.com/00/s/MTAyNFg3Njg=/z/ngcAAOxy63FS5IvA/$_57.JPG

http://www.ebay.com

As of right now, it’s only $99,900.10.  Better put in your bids quick.

If that’s too expensive, for a mere $7,700 bid, you could own the mobile lab RV from The Lost World.

https://i0.wp.com/i.ebayimg.com/00/s/NzY4WDEwMjQ=/z/I-oAAMXQlgtS5IvV/$_57.JPG

http://www.ebay.com

Wherein I make my Oscar picks based solely on the trailers~Week 1: The Short Films

Published January 18, 2014 by Malia

First, the word “wherein” is a very fun word to say.  Try it.

Second, you all now know that I’m weird enough that I will use words simply based upon the amount of fun I have saying them.

And now, for my actual post…

I know it’s silly and shallow, but I genuinely enjoy the movie award season.  There’s something fun about watching famous people get dressed up, act like they like other famous people, and then give out awards to each other.

Now, lot’s of people watch the movies, and carefully make their picks for who will win the Academy Award in various categories.  I’m not usually given to that kind of dedication.  I usually make a guess based off of what I’ve heard about the films and the performances.  This year, I feel like I’ve barely seen anything, and I’ve heard even less.  So, I thought it would be fun to make my picks (and also try to figure out the plot) based solely upon watching the trailers.  If nothing else, it’ll be entertaining.

This week, I’m hitting the short film categories.  I’m a terrible picker when it comes to short films, usually what I think is an award winner barely gets any attention paid to it.

Best Short Film, Live Action

1. Aquel No Era Yo

Child soldiers, dialogue in a foreign language, all taking place in a war zone.

2.  Just Before Losing Everything

This is in French, but fortunately the trailer had subtitles so I had a clue as to what was going on.  From what it looks like a woman and her children (?) are on the run from her husband(?).

3.  Helium

onlinefilmhome.dk

Okay, I’m starting to wonder if any of these short films are in English.  That aside, thank heavens for subtitles.  From what I can tell, a very sick kid is being told about the magical land of Helium by his dad.

4..  Do I Have To Take Care Of Everything?

From what I saw in the 30 second trailer, it appears to be a film about the frustration that moms/wives feel about the face that if they don’t do something, it won’t get done.

5.  The Voorman Problem

It’s in English!  It has Martin Freeman!  Apparently, it’s about a prisoner who thinks he’s God.

What I Think Will Win

It’s hard to make a decision like this based on a trailer for a short film, mostly because some of these films aren’t much longer than a regular film trailer.  Still, based on the little content I saw, I’m expecting the winner to be Aquel No Era Yo.  

What I Would Like To Win

Out of the five, only two caught my attention enough that I actually want to see the films they were advertising.  Helium is absolutely beautiful.  I know it will be heartbreaking, but the visual was stunning.  The Voorman Problem has the draw of Martin Freeman.  Really hard to go wrong with something he’s in.  Plus, the trailer was quite humorous.  If anything, it’s a really dark comedy.

Best Short Film, Animated

1.  Feral

http://www.skywigly.co.uk

A serious exploration of the question, “Were you raised by wolves?”

2.  Get A Horse

Mickey Mouse goes for a hayrack ride.

3.  Mr. Hublot

Either he’s a robot or he’s a wacky inventor.  24 seconds made it difficult to decide.

4.  Possessions

genkinahito.files.wordpress.com

This film has three titles that I could find, and I have absolutely no clue what was going on in the trailer.  There was lightening, beat up parasols, a frog like creature, and a dragon.  I think this is one I would have to see completely to be able to give a decent recounting of the plot.

5.  Room On The Broom

http://www.movie-poster-artwork-finder.com

A witch and her cat go for a ride on her broom.  Also, at some point, there is a dragon and a dog.  Honestly, it holds no interest for me, and based on what I saw I’m surprised it got a nomination.  Hopefully, the film was better than it’s trailer.

What I Think Will Win

I’m definitely leaning towards Feral.  The trailer was super trippy, but the art was fascinating.

What I Would Like To Win

Either Mr. Hublot or Feral.  Both looked incredibly well done, and out of the five were the only ones that really caught my eye.

Because, clearly, this is what you do as Vesuvius erupts.

Published January 5, 2014 by Malia

I wasn’t going to post tonight.  I’m tired, it’s been a emotionally draining two days, but when I saw this, I felt like I had to say something…

http://www.imdb.com

I was on IMDB, when this poster caught my eye.  Maybe I’m just too exhausted to process this one with an open mind.  When I think of Pompeii, I do not think, “Sweet!  I bet people were totally making out as fire and death rained down around them!”  I realize that there’s this idea that every movie has to have a love story, but this one is making even my brain hurt.  Then, I thought, maybe I was misjudging the poster.  Maybe it wasn’t a good representation of the story, so I went to the movie’s page on IMDB, and found this little plot gem:

“A slave turned gladiator finds himself in a race against time to save his true love, who has been betrothed to a corrupt Roman Senator.  As Mount Vesuvius erupts, he must fight to save his beloved as Pompeii crumbles around him.”

Okay, I didn’t misjudge the poster.  And yes, I suppose a poster like that and plot are going to bring in moviegoers much more quickly than a poster with an image like this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/sci/tech/1272171.stm

People died horrible deaths that day, and if a movie is going to be made about Pompeii, that’s the story that should be told.

Really Creepy

Published October 11, 2012 by Malia

So, they’ve been running many ads for the anniversary edition of E.T.  Why is this movie so popular?  Surely I’m not the only person who’s really freaked out by the “adorable” alien. The alien from Alien is more adorable.   Just thinking about it gives me the heebie-jeebies.  Someone please explain this mystery to me.

Duh Duh…Duh Duh…Duh Duh Duh Duh DuhDuhDuhDuhDuhDuh AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Published October 11, 2012 by Malia

Tonight I experienced sharks, sharks, and more sharks.  The good, the bad, and the ugly of the world of sharks.

I was hanging out at a friend’s apartment, and we were going to watch a movie.  I asked if we could watch Jaws.  I’d never actually seen Jaws all the way through.  Sure, I’d catch parts when it’s on t.v., but my past viewing has been completely out of order.  Since my friend, Katy,  loves all things shark, she was more than willing to sit through Jaws.

Jaws is a pretty great film, especially when you consider when it was made.  Sure, it was kinda unrealistic, and sure, the Bruce (that’s the shark) that you see in close-up is way bigger than the full body shots of the shark they portray as Bruce.  It’s the epic struggle, though, that makes it worthwhile.  Plus, there’s some pretty cool cinematography.  Although, in retrospect, I’m not sure my first full viewing would’ve been nearly as fun had I been by myself.  It’s definitely a film you need to watch with other like-minded people.

About halfway through the film Katy suggested we watch Shark Night next.  Shark Night is the very touching story about a group of college students who decide to spend the weekend at the lake.  Nothing could possibly go bad, right?  Right.  Oh wait, things do get a little less charming when the sharks in the lake start nomming on the gang.  This ain’t Beach Blanket Bingo, that’s for sure.  “But wait,” you’re probably saying, “how can there be sharks?  Didn’t you say they’re at a lake?”  Why, yes, I did!  Not to worry, there’s a perfectly logical explanation given, about halfway through the film.  I think this film was the product of someone thinking, “Jaws was really successful, and Deliverance was really disturbing; why not combine them into one film?”  Don’t believe me?  There was this moment where Katharine McPhee’s character is giving the creepy Deliverance guy an eyeful, and I actually said, “And now we’re showing Deliverance our boobs.”  Seriously, if you don’t know what people mean when they call something a “B movie,” watch this and you’ll understand.

After Shark Night we watched one of the Shark Week episodes, Air Jaws.  This was actually pretty cool, and educational.  Did you know that Great Whites will actually clear the water doing this leap breach thing?  It’s ridiculous.  I admit I was rooting for the seals and penguins to get away.  I know a shark’s gotta eat, but it’s awful watching animals that cute get killed.  The vet tech in me wanted to save the injured animals.

All in all, a successful evening, and now I know why I’m single and childless.  People in relationships do not watch Jaws and when seeing a dog and a child at the beach, and the ominous familiar music starts to play, say, “Eat the bratty kid!  Not the dog!”

The Loudest Movie On The Planet

Published August 15, 2012 by Malia

Okay, it probably isn’t, but having just sat through 2 hours and 45 minutes of pounding bass and all other noises at a super high volume it certainly feels like it.  Yes, I finally saw The Dark Knight Rises.  I’m not sure that the film was really that loud, but the theater sure had the volume up.  I spent part of the movie with my ears plugged, and I could still hear and feel every word and sound.  Still, apart from the headache inducing loudness, it was a phenomenal film.

Now, I have only seen Batman Begins.  I never saw The Dark Knight.  I really, really wanted to.  I was so excited when I saw they were making the second film.  Then the nightmares started.  I don’t dream often, but I began to have terrible, frightening nightmares, mainly featuring the Joker, and I just couldn’t ever bring myself to watch it (and I have no intention of watching it, just the thought makes me break out in a cold sweat).  So, the good news about Rises is that if you have seen the first film, but not the second you’ll be fine.  There’s enough expository material that you get then general idea of what happened to lead up to the events in this film.

What really amazed me about Rises is the fact that it starts out dark, and just gets darker and more hopeless as the minutes tick by.  I found myself wondering how they were going to resolve a trilogy of films when they’d written something that seemed impossible to resolve.  I won’t spoil it for those who’ve yet to see it.  I’ll just say that it’s well worth the price of admission; just bring earplugs in case it’s just as loud as the showing I went to.

Now to find some ibuprofen…

The End of Summer Movie Watching

Published August 12, 2012 by Malia

Next Saturday will be my last day here at home before I make the trek back north.  It’s kind of hard to believe that in a week summer will be over and the school year will be starting up.  It’s been a good summer.  I’ve gotten to hang out with friends and family, gained a “niece,” and relaxed.  It’s been a hard summer, too.  Grampa’s death was a not too subtle reminder that I come from a fairly small family, and almost all of them are quite a bit older than me.  Being reminded how mortal we all are is never much fun.

I also got to see a fair share of movies this summer.  Here, in no particular order, are what I saw and what I thought.

The Avengers

If you haven’t seen this, you should.  Actually, you need to go and watch all the films that lead up to Avengers (Hulk, The Incredible Hulk, Ironman, Captain America, Ironman 2, & Thor) and then go watch it.  I should mention that even though Ironman 2 came out before Captain America, I actually found Ironman 2 to be much better once I had the Captain America storyline.  There’s so much in Ironman 2 that draws on the Captain America storyline.  This film was fun, well done, and really amazing in both 3D and 2D.  I’ve seen it a couple of times, and I can’t wait to see it again.

Men In Black III

The Men in Black (MIB) franchise has had a special place in my heart ever since I was sitting in a bus for a band trip to D.C. and saw the first MIB film on a little tiny t.v.  While the second one was not great (really, my favorite part was Frank the Pug singing “I Will Survive), I still have good memories associated with it.  Ten years later, along came MIB3, and I was equal parts exited and terrified.  My terror was pointless.  The film is excellent, and had all the charm and sweetness that it should have.  Frank the Pug was pretty much the only missing element (he’s there, but not like I would have liked).

Brave

This was Disney’s newest addition to their Princess collection.  This princess was much more Mulan than Cinderella.  She’s not happy just sitting back waiting for a man.  This film was filled with girl power messages, but it also had much to say regarding family and responsibility for the choices we make.  So much fun, and so beautifully done.

Snow White and the Huntsman

I think people were quick to dismiss this film because of a general dislike of Kristen Stewart.  That’s too bad.  This was a really good movie.  It was so dark and creepy, just the way a fairy tale ought to be.  Sure, some liberties were taken with the Snow White story, but none that were unacceptable.

The Three Stooges

I never watched the Stooges growing up, so I went into this one unsure of what to expect.  It was well done, but overall, I just couldn’t get into it.  I’m not the biggest fan of physical comedy, and that was what this film relied on.  It had its moments, but I have zero desire to see it again.

Ice Age 4

Sid, Manny, and Diego.  Need I say more?  This newest installment was much better than the forgettable third one, and as good as the first.  The second installment is still my favorite, but this one was fun and made me laugh.

Hope Springs

Let me star with the good.  This film is basically Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones, and Steve Carell.  Occasionally, you see another person, but overall, those three people carry the entire film.  They succeeded at proving they’re awesome actors, and they all did amazing.  However…here’s the bad.  The first quarter of the movie is really bittersweet and funny.  Then the rest of the film is a downer and all about sex.  Seriously.  I have no idea how this film did not get an R rating.  Sure, there’s no real foul language, but the dialogue is surprisingly graphic, and what Jones and Streep do onscreen outside of the therapists office is beyond squirm worthy.  The film does end on a positive and realistic note, but it feels like it takes hours to get there.

Overall, not a bad summer for movies.  I’m still hoping to catch Dark Knight Rises and Paranorman before I leave next Sunday.