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All posts for the month March, 2013

How I Angered The Sea Witch…and Other Randomness In My Life

Published March 30, 2013 by Malia

-I love my job!  I really, really do.  However, because of the sensitive HIPAA (HIPPA?  I’m too lazy to actually Google the acronym right now), regulations, I can’t really talk much about my job.  I’m not 100% certain what qualifies as invasion of privacy.  Yikes!  Maybe just mentioning that I have a job that I love is invasion of privacy.

Probably not.

Anyway, much as I love my job, it has it’s own unique moments.  For example, yesterday.  There was an issue, with a situation (vague enough?  no one feels I’m invading their privacy?), and it resulted in this:

Okay, it wasn’t really Ursula, but there was this moment where I was sitting at my station, and all of a sudden this gal from a different department stormed into our department and came and towered over me.  She’s a very tall, big gal, and even though I’m heavy she makes me look minuscule    When I saw the wrath on her features that were looming over me, all I could think was, “Oh crap, how have I angered Ursula, the sea witch?”

Now, equating someone you work with to a Disney villain/villainess is hardly kind or fair.  However, I wasn’t looking to be fair at that moment, I was too terrified to be logical.  Anyway, much like a predator can smell fear, this gal seemed to sense just how freaked out she was making me, and she used that to her advantage.  The situation did get resolved-ish, but it’ll be interesting to see what happens Monday.

-One cool part of my job is all the different types of bodily specimens I get to see in a day.  I see things removed in surgery (I don’t do anything with those, but they come in our department so I usually see someone else working with them), and all sorts of bodily fluids and other things that normal people run far away from.  However, there is one specimen that it’s going to take me a while to get used to dealing with.

Semen.

About once a week I’ll have to ferry a cup of this stuff to another department.  I know that in light of everything else I see, this should not ook me out, but there’s just something creepy about having to handle it.  Maybe it’s because of the way it’s obtained.

And I’m thinking that’s probably about all I should say about that (before absolutely everyone stops reading).

-Camp NaNoWriMo starts on Monday.  Basically, this is kind of a practice for NaNoWriMo in November.  This is the first year I’ll be taking part in Camp NaNo, and I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to write about.  So far the only useful suggestion I’ve been given has been, “Anything with dragons.”  Which, as everyone knows, dragons automatically make any story better, so that was something I’d already been considering, but it was nice to have it affirmed.

-I’m starting to seriously think about getting my own car.  I know I need another thing to pay on like I need another hole in my head, but it would be nice to have my own vehicle again.

Whosday

Published March 26, 2013 by Malia

I’m so excited about Sunday!  Not just because it’s Easter (one of my favorite holidays), but also because the rest of season 7 of Doctor Who will be premiering that evening.  Here’s the  prequel episode that showed up online a few days ago:

Overall, it’s a cute prequel.  I do have a bit of concern about it, though.  There’s a fair handful of kids who watch Who, and I seriously hope they understand that this is just a tv show.  It’s never a good idea to talk to random adult strangers (in the park, or anywhere else).  I hate that we live in a world where this is a genuine concern.

 

Weight Loss Monday~Week 2

Published March 25, 2013 by Malia

No, you’re not reading the title wrong.  Yes, I did a series of these posts last fall, but honestly I fell off the bandwagon, and instead of picking up where I left off, it’s just easier to start again.  Since I forgot to post last Monday, I’m just starting where I’m currently at.

I decided to get serious about losing a few weeks ago when I realized just how much I’ve been using my weight as a protection against people.  I don’t want to be that person anymore.  Unlike last fall, I’m not trying to do this all on my own.  I’ve actually joined a weight loss program, and it’s requiring a lot more accountability than just doing blog posts.  The first week was rough, I did gain, but it wasn’t even a pound so I can’t be too upset.  I did, however, lose four pounds over this last week.  As of right now, here’s what my loss looks like:

3/9/13: First Check~110.3 lbs to go
3/16/13: Week 1~110.6 lbs to go (I gained?  How?)
3/23/13: Week 2~106.8 lbs to go (Yay!  I lost!  I bought The Hobbit to celebrate!)

I don’t have mugshots for tonight.  Still trying to figure out where to take them in my house.  I don’t have the room available to me that I had in my dorm room.  I’ll figure out something by next week, though, so I can update ya’ll on what I’m looking like.

One thing I’m trying this time is focusing on losing 10 lbs at a time.  110 lbs is really overwhelming and can seem quite impossible.  I plan to reward myself when I reach each 10 lb goal with a new movie.  When I reach 25, 50, & 75 lbs, I’ll be rewarding myself with seasons of my favorite tv shows.  Right now, I’m making my way towards Skyfall.  In order to afford this, I’m taking the money that I’d normally put into the work vending machine or fast food drive-thru and setting it aside.  Six more pounds and Skyfall is mine!

Dear Neighbors Downstairs

Published March 17, 2013 by Malia

Hi, it’s me.  We’ve met once.  You recently moved in, and you certainly seem nice.  I just have some questions…

Why are you opening and closing doors all night long?  How many times do you need to open and close your closet door at 2 a.m.?  Why are you even awake at 2 a.m.?  (For that matter, why am I awake at 2 a.m.?)  Are you awake?  Is this some sort of sleep-walking door opening/shutting thing you have?

Now, I realize that the one time we met, I told you that the walls are pretty thick, and we don’t hear much through them.  The last person who lived in your unit was a nice, quiet old lady.  The only time we heard a peep out of her was during Husker games.  This is Nebraska, so no much surprise there.  I don’t know if you took this all to mean that you could be super loud All. The. Time., or what.  I’m just confused as to how so much noise can emanate from down there.

Anyway, I hope that one day you’ll find what you’re looking for in your closet.

Love,

Your super tired, and possibly passive-aggressive upstairs neighbor

Random Saturday Musings

Published March 9, 2013 by Malia

Oz: The Great and Powerful opened this weekend, and so far all reports I’ve heard from friends are in the positive.  I am anxiously awaiting my turn to see it!

-I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what brings two people together and makes them consider marriage.  I’ve known people who got married simply because they thought the other person had a cute butt (also, looking back, I think there may have been alcohol involved in their decision as well).  What amazed me was that these people were confused as to why they didn’t have a great marriage.  Then, there’s people who marry someone who seems like their perfect counterpart, and things either go brilliantly, or fall apart so terribly it makes others question whether marriage is really that great of an idea.  After watching The Mirror Has Two Faces again (for the umpteenth time) last week, I have to agree with the idea of marrying your very best friend.  I know this isn’t a new thought on planet Earth.  That’s how it should be.  You should marry someone who knows you better than anyone else.  Someone who knows why you do the strange, quirky things you do, and finds it all endearing.  Now, I have no magical idea that marriage is a happy-happy fun time wonderland.  In fact, I know just from observation that it’s ridiculously hard.  It’s tons of work.  Why would you want to try to tackle that with someone who isn’t your best friend, and doesn’t really know you that well?

-Realizing that my weight truly is something I’m using as a defense, I’m making moves forward (somewhat drastic moves, for me at least) to deal with it.  I find myself, sometimes several times a day, having to tell those memories of hurt, “You have no power over me!”  It’s all very Labyrinth.  It’s true, though.  Just because something happened doesn’t mean that it has any right to control who I am or what I do.  Yes, everything that happens serves to shape the person we become, but to live in fear and bondage and pain isn’t okay.

-Every time I watch Thor I come back with the same two questions.  Spoiler-ish alert.  1.  How is it that Thor manages to return to Earth in Avengers?  The end of Thor kind of left him stuck at Asgard.  Is Thor 2 going to solve this?  2.  Why are people such big fans of Loki?  Sure, he’s a great bad guy, but I’m a little weirded out by how girls seem so drawn to him.  He’s malicious and greasy.  Also, the way he toys with those around him is kind of emotionally abusive.

-Daylight Savings Time.  Not really looking forward to it, but am awfully glad there’ll be an extra hour of daylight each evening.

-I solved the issue of fans being mad that–Spoiler Alert!–Matthew was left the way he was at the end of Downton‘s most recent season. At the beginning of next season, he should suddenly regenerate into David Tennant, and we find out that he’s actually The Doctor.  Also, I would love to see the Maggie Smith character as a companion!

 

Where’s My Weekend?

Published March 7, 2013 by Malia

It’s that time of year again.  “Weekend to Remember” time again.

Let me explain.

Every year, for approximately a month, my church will bring up “Weekend to Remember,” reminding all the married couples that this is something they should look into going to.  Best as I understand it, it’s a weekend where a married couple gets together with other married couples to learn about being married, and to spend quality one on one time with each other remembering why they got married in the first place.  With some couples, this seems like a good idea, but I’m thinking that there are probably some couples out there who’d much rather not remember why they got married, and if they do remember it’s going to cause more strife than lovey-dovey-ness.  What do I know, though?  I’m not married, so I can’t really offer any true judgement or expert opinion on these sorts of things.

This has gotten me to thinking.  There really isn’t much available to Christian singles.  Why is it that married couples have so many resources and weekends and classes available to them, but singles are pretty much left on their own?  Are we considered less in need of help and support, simply because we have sole control over the remote?

On top of that, I decided to try Googling resources available to single Christians, and it’s amazing how many dating sites came up for me.  When I tried looking for support, the pages I found mostly looked cheesy and archaic, and were filled with ads for dating sites.  Plus, I’ve yet to encounter a book for single Christians that isn’t focused on dating/courting.  Don’t misunderstand me, all these things are good and have a purpose, but where is the support system?  I want guidance on how to exist as a single person in the day to day world.  I want to be encouraged that I’m just as valuable a human being without a man as I would be with one.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this train of thought (I know, I know, great thing to admit on something being published to be read by the general public), so maybe I just need time to process this.

No Touchy!

Published March 4, 2013 by Malia

Last week I was talking with a friend, and they mentioned an acquaintance who was struggling with something.  My friend kept telling me that this other person had bad stuff in their past, as an explanation for why this person is the way they are.  Of course, this got me to thinking.  Don’t we all have bad stuff in our past?  Sure, my bad stuff may seem like nothing to you and vice versa, but at the end of the day, we all have things that have happened to us that have turned us into the people we are.  When I was growing up, my mom would always tell me that I could either get bitter or better based on things that happened.  Out of everything my mom has taught me, this has probably been the thing that has stuck with me the most.

The thing is, I’m a processor.  Whenever something happens to me, I need time to process the situation.  Now, depending on the event, my processing time may be anywhere from a few hours, to a few days, to several years.  I’ve been processing something that happened years ago, and the conversation with my friend last week, kickstarted my brain back into functioning mode.  I’ve been debating all weekend whether or not to write about this.  I finally came to the conclusion that the things that I have buried in my life are only going to harm me as long as I chose not to face them and keep them buried inside.  There’s freedom in talking about things.  Because I don’t want to get sued, I’m not going to write out all details (like names or dates).  Suffice it to say, what I’m about to talk about happened several years ago, and I have more fingers on my hands than people who know about this.

When I was growing up as a pastor’s kid, every Sunday I almost always found myself standing at the back of the church with my parents after service.  We would greet the congregation as they filed out heading for their cars and their lunches.  Part of this ritual involved having my hand shaken, and getting hugs from nearly everyone who passed through.  I never gave much thought to this practice, it was just what we did.

One Sunday, as people were passing through, one of the guys (he was probably in his late 20’s) gave me this hug, and for the first time in my life I got seriously creeped out by a guy.  I brushed it off, and told myself it was nothing.

Except it wasn’t.

The next few weeks, every Sunday this guy would make a bee-line for me, and give me a hug that was just a bit over the line and intimate.  One week, I tried hiding behind my parents, but not make it obvious I was.  Unfortunately, that didn’t dissuade him.

Finally, after about a month of this, things came to a head.  I came up with a plan to avoid this guy.  As the service ended one Sunday, and we were walking to the back of the sanctuary, I asked my dad if I could have his keys so I could go to his office.  He fished them out, and I quickly made my exit.  My plan was to lock myself in his office and hide until everyone had left.  I had just stuck the key in the door when I heard someone say my name, and by instinct I turned.  There stood the guy.  “I didn’t get my hug.” he said.  He then proceeded to push me into the place where the door met door frame and give me this hug that to this day makes my skin crawl.  Now, other, smarter, more savvy kids would’ve fought and gone running.  I was in such shock I just stood there frozen with a brain that wouldn’t work, at all.  Just then, this guy’s brother-in-law walked in, and I was released.  Creepy guy took off, and I finished unlocking the office door, ran in and shut and locked myself in.

Not long after that creepy guy and his wife stopped being around so much, and I didn’t get any more awful hugs.

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering why my parents didn’t do something.  Truthfully, they didn’t know until a few years ago, long after all this happened.  I never said one word about what happened, and mostly blocked it from my memory.  I was certain that I must have been a bad person to have something like that happen.  I was certain it was all my fault.  I no longer believe it was my fault.   I’m not the naive innocent little thing now that I was then.  I now realize that this guy had problems, and I just happened to be someone he set his sights on.

I really thought I had pretty much dealt with this.  Then, this last week, I started thinking about the fact that even though nothing truly “bad” happened (although, I firmly believe if his brother-in-law hadn’t walked in something bad would’ve happened), this quick moment changed a lot in my life.  I really shut down emotionally.  I used to be this person who cared about other people and wanted to help and take care of them.  I was definitely an extrovert.  Following the hug, I slowly became more and more internalized, and now I’m a full-blown introvert.  I struggle to force myself to be around people.  The biggest change, though, is this:

No, I’ve not been turned into a llama.  I do, however, have major issues with being touched.  There are 10 people (this isn’t an exaggeration, I can count them all on my fingers, no toes needed) I know that I am willing to let touch me without wanting to physically push them away and then go and shower.  What I find alarming is the fact that as much as I want a guy in my life, the idea of being touched terrifies me (and let’s face it, physical touch is part of relationships).  I’ve also come to realize that much as I hate how heavy I am, I’ve not mentally been into losing the weight.  Sure, I’ve given it a good go, but my mind has never been connected with the program.  I think I’ve been using my fat as a defense.  While there are guys who don’t mind fat girls, most guys avoid them.  Being avoided because I’m fat means that I’m not going to get touched.

I’m sick of this.  I’m horrified that I’ve let someone else’s issues have such an invasive effect on my life.  He was a slimy sleazo, and yet his actions have had more influence over me than I thought possible.  I refuse to let him win anymore.  I’m tuned in now.  I’m worth more than I’ve chosen to believe, and it’s past time for this weight to come off.