Single

All posts tagged Single

I’m still trying to figure it all out.

Published March 21, 2018 by Malia

I was going to write this whole post about how frustrated I am that I can’t maintain a “normal” body temperature, and constantly run on the cold end of the thermometer. However, I was boring myself as I was writing it. Which means all you lovely people would be equally bored. So, I’m gonna set that post aside for awhile. It’s kind of funny, but it’s taking too long to get to the funny.

Instead, I’m going to take a moment to assure the world at large that as of right now I am NOT pregnant, and not adopting either. Maybe someday. Apparently, a previous post from a few weeks ago was a bit misleading, since I mentioned that there were some changes ahead in my life. Said changes are more of the “I’m trying to figure out what I want ro be when I grow up” variety.

There’s this thing about being married. You have to take the other person’s needs and wants into account. This isn’t always the easiest, especially when I spent the first twenty-nine years of my life being very single, and my choices really only affected me. Having the flu and then bronchitis and now bronchitis again (it’s not officially been diagnosed this time, but this is not my first bronchitis rodeo) has provided me with a ridiculous amount of time to think. There are things that I know the boy would like of me (his top love language is Acts of Service). They aren’t difficult things, and certainly nothing that is wrong of him to expect and want. I’ve come to realize that those things are far more important to me than so many other things. I know I’m being a bit cryptic, but that’s cause things are still kind of in flux. I just know that I want to be a good wife (especially since he’s such an amazing husband). I want to have the boy want to come home at the end of the week. I want to get healthy.

And my chest is really hurting, so maybe I should go to the doctor and get this bronchitis officially diagnosed…

Walking The Tightrope

Published March 8, 2014 by Malia

So…yeah…it’s been a crazy month.  Good crazy, really good crazy,  but crazy all the same.  Four weeks ago I was terminally single, and now I’m not.  In the last three weeks, I’ve been on more dates than I’ve ever been on.  I’ve got so many emotions all fighting with each other, that I’m almost at a loss to know which one I feel the most.  My world definitely has been flipped upside down, and you know what?  I’m perfectly okay with it.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that this guy is a really good guy.  I’m not making it up when I say that he treats me amazingly.  He’s doing awesome at the whole being in a relationship thing.  Which is a good thing…because having never been a girlfriend before, I am completely clueless when it comes to being a girlfriend.  I’m so happy, but I also find myself worrying.  Which is stupid, since I’ve been following that classic advice Just Be Yourself.  (FYI, I’ve heard this advice waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much lately…)

So, what do I worry about?  I worry that I’m being too clingy, too needy, too talkative, too forward.  On the other hand, though, I worry that I’m being the exact opposite of all those things.  Thank heavens, he’s been super patient with me, because I fear that I’ve been a bit of a mess over the last few weeks.

So, I’m going to take deep, calming breaths.  I’m going to try to relax.   I’m going to do my best to continue to try to just live in the present and enjoy it.  Most importantly, I’m going to be happy.

The Secret Ingredient Is…

Published December 29, 2013 by Malia

Have you seen those silly little Funko Pop! figurines?

http://www.pinterest.com

Big eyes, giant head, crazy amount of detail for a little figurine.  They really are ridiculous.  The only thing more ridiculous?  My recently discovered love of them.  It could be argued that there’s no point in owning one, and I’ll be glad to listen to your argument if you don’t mind my staring at my Legolas figure while you do.

 

trampt.com

He’s much more adorable in real life.

The point is, if I was married and had a kid or two, I couldn’t “waste” money on these adorable pieces of plastic.  I couldn’t be siting here trying to figure out how best to arrange them on my empty shelf in my bedroom.

There are so many things I am free to do because I’m single.  I can watch an episode of my favorite tv show for the eighth time and not have to worry about getting asked, “Haven’t you seen this before?  Why can’t we watch something less British?”  I can add to my movie collection whenever I want.

It’s pleasant being single.  There’s quite a bit of freedom and minimal amount of compromising that needs to take place.  I can work a job I love, one with bizarre hours and not worry about how it’s going to affect (or is it effect?  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get this grammatical rule down) my relationship with my significant other.

Even though I have all this going for me, there are still times where my heart yearns to be with someone else.  Not for there to be grand romantic gestures (although, they certainly would be appreciated), but for someone to be partners with in order to fight through the battle known as life.

Y’know, I’ve read multiple books on the subject of being single, and had chats with fellow singletons and even with some marrieds regarding being single.  I’ve heard all “logical” reasons for being single.  I’ve been given most of the pat answers offered in the following video:

And, you know what?  Tonight, I was at home,  reading a fluffly little book, and suddenly I was overwhelmed to the point of tears with feelings of loneliness.  There wasn’t any logical explanation for it, but I’ll tell you this.  As I was sobbing, I was reminded of this scene from Kung Fu Panda

There is no secret ingredient.  There is no one magical mystical answer to this whole singleness thing.  Just because Person A needed to learn to be content being single doesn’t mean that’s why Person B is single.  Maybe Person B is single because they need to learn to be more willing to make good compromises.  Maybe Person C is single because they’ll never finish their education if they get distracted with a romance.  Every person is different, and we all have different life lessons to learn.  The best thing we can do is stick it out, cry if necessary, do things for others, and not lock our hearts away (no matter how much we may get hurt).

And, if all else fails, you can join me in creating a silly collection of vinyl figurines.

Random Saturday Musings

Published May 4, 2013 by Malia

-I find it weird how I constantly run into things.  If there’s a wall or door or trash can or cabinet or anything other than air around me, I’m likely to run right into it.  Then, of course, the bruises don’t show up for days, and by the time they do I have no memory of what exactly I ran into to cause said bruise.  So bizarre.

-So, more than one co-worker has mentioned to me that I need to lighten up.  I have no idea how to go about this.  It’s not that I don’t have a sense of humor, I do.  I’m just hesitant to laugh about things until I truly know someone.  Plus, many years ago I used to laugh all the time, then someone told me it was too easy to make me laugh, and apparently I thought that was a challenge.  On top of that, I love my job so much, and I’m terrified of doing something that could be construed negatively, and make them decide to take my job away from me.  I love where I am and what I’m doing.

-I’m so pumped that summer movie season is finally here!  Ironman, Star Trek, Man of Steel, The Lone Ranger, and a handful of other things that I can’t even think of are all in the process of opening and I’m super excited!

-I don’t know how it happened, but I truly am loving being single.  I’m not anti-relationships or anything, although I think God will have to put a flashing neon sign above the head of my future husband that says something like, “This one.  He’s not too bad.  You could do way worse.”

-I truly enjoyed Jurassic Park 3D.  It is a film that translates quite well to the 3D medium, and lawyers should always get eaten in 3D.

-I wish I wasn’t such an introverted chicken.  I really wanted to go to Krypton Comics for free comic book day, but I was too freaked out by the idea of going.

-My head is starting to head back to migraine land, so I’m going to wrap it up here for now.

Where’s My Weekend?

Published March 7, 2013 by Malia

It’s that time of year again.  “Weekend to Remember” time again.

Let me explain.

Every year, for approximately a month, my church will bring up “Weekend to Remember,” reminding all the married couples that this is something they should look into going to.  Best as I understand it, it’s a weekend where a married couple gets together with other married couples to learn about being married, and to spend quality one on one time with each other remembering why they got married in the first place.  With some couples, this seems like a good idea, but I’m thinking that there are probably some couples out there who’d much rather not remember why they got married, and if they do remember it’s going to cause more strife than lovey-dovey-ness.  What do I know, though?  I’m not married, so I can’t really offer any true judgement or expert opinion on these sorts of things.

This has gotten me to thinking.  There really isn’t much available to Christian singles.  Why is it that married couples have so many resources and weekends and classes available to them, but singles are pretty much left on their own?  Are we considered less in need of help and support, simply because we have sole control over the remote?

On top of that, I decided to try Googling resources available to single Christians, and it’s amazing how many dating sites came up for me.  When I tried looking for support, the pages I found mostly looked cheesy and archaic, and were filled with ads for dating sites.  Plus, I’ve yet to encounter a book for single Christians that isn’t focused on dating/courting.  Don’t misunderstand me, all these things are good and have a purpose, but where is the support system?  I want guidance on how to exist as a single person in the day to day world.  I want to be encouraged that I’m just as valuable a human being without a man as I would be with one.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this train of thought (I know, I know, great thing to admit on something being published to be read by the general public), so maybe I just need time to process this.

I’m Really Not Trying to be Rude

Published March 2, 2013 by Malia

Tonight is just one of those nights.  It’s been a super strange week, and now I find myself torn between wanting to just be left alone, and yet being so lonely I want to go be with my friends.  It’s a vicious circle.  Anyway, the week is just kind of ending on a meh note.  Plus, I have all these thoughts in my head and no one to tell them to, so this is going to be my dumping ground, so my thoughts don’t eat me up… (the you I mention isn’t directed towards any particular person, just people in general)

-Don’t compare yourself to me.  I’m not you and you aren’t me.  We’re different people with our own separate issues.  I’m not comforted when you jump in on every single thing I say to tell me how you have the exact same problem.

-I use self-depricating humor so that people will know that I know what’s wrong with me.  If I mention it first, then it takes the club away.  No one can beat me up about something I’ve chosen to mock about myself.

-If you can’t survive without being part of a couple, then you need to be single.  I’m not saying this to be mean.  You need to know who you are.  You need to know how to do things for yourself.

-I have the right words, and likely I have the right answers.  Putting them into practice, though, is so much harder.  I wish I was better at it.

-Yes, I spend to much time on the internet.  No, that’s probably not going to change anytime soon.

-Why is it that we always try to blame the bad stuff in our past on current ill behavior?  I’m just as bad about this as everyone else.  Truth is, we’ve all got bad stuff in our past, but we make the choice everyday as to how we’re going to handle life.  Yes, our past does color our viewpoint, and have bearing on how we behave, but that’s still not an excuse.

-I was informed today that I needed to start planning my funeral if I’m not going to eat right and start exercising.

-Why is there so much obsession over vampires, werewolves, and zombies?  I find Faeries to be much more interesting.

-Sometimes I worry that my mood is so dark, I’ll never see the light again.

 

Pillow Talk

Published January 24, 2013 by Malia

My bed is cold.  Every.  Single.  Night.  My bed is lonely.  Every.  Single.  Night.  I’m surrounded by pillows, but you know what the problem with pillows is?  Pillows never ask you how your day was.  Pillows just lay there in various forms of flatness, and are silent.  In fact, if my pillows start talking, I’m pretty sure I have bigger problems than just having a cold, lonely bed.  My point is, on some levels being in my late 20’s and single truly has it’s downsides.

Now, don’t misunderstand me, I greatly enjoy some parts of being single.  I love that if I want to go hang with friends, I have no worries about if I have plans already, or if my friends will accept my boyfriend into our group.  I love that I can be pretty selfish when it comes to my money.  If I want to buy a book or movie or video game (although, I’m pretty sure most guys don’t care if their girls buy video games) and I have the money, it’s no big deal.

Overall, though, as the years pass and I remain single it tends to get more wearing.  I just want someone to share in this adventure of life with.

To this end I was having a conversation with two really close friends a few weeks ago, and one friend asked me if I had a list of what I was looking for.  I had a mental list, but afterwards, I realized that I’ve never written down that list before.  Then earlier this week, as I was praying that God would bring that special someone into a friend’s life, I realized that I’ve never actually prayed that God would bring someone into my life.  So, I immediately texted one of my 3 very bestest friends and asked her if she would pray with me about this.  I really don’t believe I was created to be alone.  I believe that I am alone right now, because there are lessons I am in the process of learning.  However, the desire to be married has yet to be removed (and crazy as it sounds, I’ve prayed it would be), so I’m changing up how I pray.  I rarely ask for help from anyone (even God), which is pretty wrong.  It’s not that I’m too proud, I’m kind of backwards. I don’t want to bug people or God with my needs or wants, because I feel they’re so paltry compared to people with real needs.

Anyway, since I’m not desiring my pillows to develop voices, and I’m not wanting to be known to my “niece” as the crazy cat lady, here’s my list of what I’m looking for:

1.  Not just a fan, but completely on fire for Jesus.

2.  Loves pets; sans bugs, snakes, and spiders.

3.  I don’t care if he’s a sports fan, but he needs to be okay with the fact that I am not, nor will I probably ever be a sports fan.  Also, if I do watch sports, I rarely cheer wildly.  However, I totally love the Olympics, and he will have no problem getting me to sit and watch those games.

4.  Enjoys musicals.

5.  Loves movies.  Going to the movies is something I really love doing, and I would hope that I’d be able to be with someone who not only enjoys the whole going to the theater experience, but is willing to make entertaining comments throughout.

6.  Loves British t.v. shows, especially all things “Who.”  I have always had a soft spot for things produced by the BBC.  Generally, they’re quite a bit better than most things on American television.

7.  Loves books.  Hmmm…maybe this should be a bit higher on my list.  Yeah, it probably belongs up there as number 3.

8.  Family relationships should be important.  I’m pretty much it when it comes to parent care on my side of the family, so he’s going to have to be okay with this, and willing to help me.  Also, it’s super important to me, despite my age, that he ask for my father’s permission to date/court/marry me.

9.  Wants to travel, visit museums, go to the zoo, see the world, and take pictures of all of it.  I admit I’m not a great photographer, but I really love to take pictures.  I want to be with someone who enjoys travel and photography as much as I do.

10.  Be okay with the kid thing.

Let me explain number 10.  (And yes, I’ve kind of talked about this before, and yes, it may be slightly graphic and uncomfortable to read.)

Last fall, when everything went really south, health-wise, I found myself sitting, facing a doctor who was trying to figure out how to deliver unpleasant news.  She had to tell me that it was highly unlikely that I would ever be able to have children.  To this day, I don’t envy doctors who have to tell women this.  Fortunately, for her, I didn’t go into hysterics or any of that sort of reaction.  In fact, I pretty much had already guessed.  I’d known for a long time that certain parts didn’t work right.  Parts that are required to carry a baby through a pregnancy.  Her telling me, just confirmed what I already suspected.  Now, I’ve never been wild about having kids, but I certainly thought having one might not be too bad.  I’m okay (mostly, but believe me there have been some intense discussions with mom and with God regarding the fact that there are 15 year old’s who sleep with everything and get knocked up, and yet I try to be a good kid, and not only do I have this whole nightmare weight situation, but I also have a body that doesn’t understand the basics of how to work right) with all of this, but recently I’ve found myself wondering if this will be a huge check-mark against me for guys.  It seems that a lot of guys, even good guys, are obsessed with the idea of producing babies.  I guess they need to know that their sperm can swim in order to feel like a “real” man.  I figure that if I there’s someone out there who can love me, knowing that I can’t have babies (unless a miracle takes place), then they truly love me, and don’t just view me as breeding stock.

11. Doesn’t take himself too seriously, or say mean-spirited things, thinking he’s being funny.

12.   Loves, respects, and treats me as a partner, not just someone who’s supposed to clean and cook.  In return, I guarantee that I will love, respect, honor, and be loyal.  I’m looking for a best friend.

And there you have it.  I know that we can’t always have what we want, but I figure it doesn’t hurt to be specific.

Burritos Solve Nothing

Published September 5, 2012 by Malia

My first test of the semester is tomorrow morning.  I’m really struggling to keep calm about it.  I’m do lousy when it comes to tests.  I always study and know the material, but the moment I sit down and look at the test, it may as well have been written in Chinese.  It’s in Spanish, so we’ll see.  I’m just hoping that I can remember something beyond the alphabet and how to count to cien.

I finally got enough courage to speak up in my British Lit class today.  To say that this class intimidates me would be an understatement.  I’m not sure that I really said anything that deep or important, but at least no one laughed and the professor didn’t say I was wrong.  I love the class.  I feel like I’m learning so much.  I just wish I wasn’t so intimidated.

Tonight, Taco Bell’s Facebook status is, “There’s no cure for a broken heart.  But burritos can help.”  Apart from the fact that it’s bugging me that they used “But” like that, I’m finding it interesting how much this coincides with some thoughts I’m having regarding relationships.  Sometimes, I really have to wonder why it is that some people get to be in relationships and others don’t.  I’ve seen people who really want to be in relationships get passed over time and time again.  People who would be great at the whole relationship thing.  People who want to commit and have kids.  I’ve seen this happen with guys and gals.  There’s really no explanation for it.  On the other hand, I’ve seen people who are miserable and in relationships that they won’t get out of simply because they don’t want to be alone.  This whole thing seems so messed up.