Dating

All posts in the Dating category

My cat is extremely jealous of Grumpy Cat, which has absolutely nothing to do with the content of this post.

Published November 21, 2014 by ia84

According to the countdown app on my phone, I’m only 3 days away from turning 30…and I’m only 113 days away from my wedding. 

No, that’s not a typo. 

The boy and I are gettin’ hitched!

Feel free to take a moment and join me in the “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!” Squeal-A-Thon that I’ve been having for the last two weeks. 

That’s a large part of why I’ve not  written much lately.  It wasn’t really public knowledge until last Sunday.  Now, though, pretty much everyone I know knows, so I figured I was fine saying something here.

The other reason I haven’t written much is because I’ve not wanted to sound like a broken record.  My life is pretty routine.  I work hard at my awesome/crazy stressful job.  Sleep.  Go to the boy’s house to hang out every few days, and usually use that time to catch up on all the shows that air while I’m at work (Flash and Scorpion are excellent, by the way).  The super cool thing about being engaged (y’know, apart from getting to marry the love of my life and start a whole new life adventure) is that I actually have new things to write about. 
So stay tuned as I start a new decade of life.  Wow, that sounds cheesy.  And now I want pizza.   Which isn’t a good thing if I really want to be able to wear the gorgeous dress in 113 days.

113 days.  I’m getting married in 113 days.  I cannot hardly wait, I’m so excited!!!!!!

We Went On An Adventure: Part 1~We Did Actually Leave Nebraska, I Promise

Published September 12, 2014 by ia84

I realized the other day that we’ve been home from our trip for almost two solid weeks, and I’ve yet to write about it.  Because it would be a ridiculously long blog entry to write about the entire weekend, I’ve decided to split it into many small entries.  Also, some of the pictures I’m including are ones I took with my phone, hence the really super-duper poor quality.  The ones I took with my actual camera are just a regular level of bad.

Back at the beginning of August, the boy mentioned to me that since we both had Labor Day weekend off, he thought we should go somewhere.  I was in agreement, because I greatly enjoy getting to travel.  Turned out, the biggest challenge was deciding which direction to head, but finally we agreed on Colorado.

So, when I got off of work on Friday (8/29), we headed west from Omaha.  Around midnight-1 a.m.-ish we rolled into Hastings and once we got to my grandma’s, we crashed for the night.

Saturday, we got up and continued our journey.  Our first stop was in North Platte, at a little tourist trap right off the interstate.

See, I’m not kidding!

If you’ve ever driven down I-80, or are from the North Platte area, the Trading Post is a familiar sight.

When I was growing up, every summer we’d come home to Nebraska for a visit, and getting to visit the fort was one of the highlights of the yearly trip.  Since I am big into nostalgia, and am also determined that the boy is going to be exposed to all the weird, wonderful things I know of, visiting the trading post was a no-brainer.

It’s a bit hard to describe this place to someone who’s never been there.  Basically, it’s a mini-museum with a giant gift shop.  There’s a big miniature display of Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show.

It’s a bit hard to tell (thanks to my “wonderful” camera on my phone), but behind that glass are thousands of carved wooden figures that are all depicting the Wild West show.  Plus, it’s all on a motorized system, so every half hour you actually get to see everything move and there’s a bit of narration to explain what you’re seeing.  It’s pretty interesting.

Cowboy hats with attached tiaras are just a sampling of the awesomeness available in the store.

Once we had our fill of the Trading Post, we continued our journey west.  As we were leaving North Platte, the question arose of which direction we should head to get to Denver.  Now, for those who don’t know, there are three main ways to get to Colorado from Nebraska.  There’s dropping south into Kansas and heading west.  However, that’s a pretty boring drive.  The same can be said for option number two.  If you go west on I-80 through Nebraska, and go on I-76 into Colorado, about the only scenery you’ll see is construction.  Not terribly exciting.  We opted for option number 3.  Going west to Cheyenne and dropping south from there.

This really is a beautiful drive.

 

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These pictures are what happens when I’m not driving, and my camera has battery life.  For those who think that Nebraska is only flat and boring, these pictures serve to prove that thought process wrong.  I took these in the panhandle, as we were nearing the Nebraska/Wyoming border.  (The traffic cones and windshield bug splat prove we really were on a road trip!)

And now, I come to then end of part 1.  Up next…Cheyenne and really craptacular “Mexican” food.

It’s Okay To Be Vulnerable

Published July 26, 2014 by ia84

Last Tuesday marked 5 months of being in a relationship.  I’ve been trying to figure out what to say regarding how things are going, but everything I’ve written has just laid there, sounding trite and cliche.  I do know that for the first time, in a really long time I can honestly say that I feel happy.  5 months in, and I still get butterflies every time I get to see the boy, or even just get a text from him.  He’s so very good to me.  I love that he will do things like save an episode of Batman for me on the DVR because it had Liberace playing not one, but two villains (and yes, it is my new favorite episode of Batman).  I love that he’s willing to just sit with me after an insane day at work, and just let me ramble on ridiculously and never makes me feel bad about it.    I love that we can watch Phineas and Ferb and never once does the question come up, “Don’t you think we’re a little too old to be watching a cartoon?” come up (Answer: No, no we’re not.).  Speaking of Phineas and Ferb, I think it’s adorable that we both loved it and Gravity Falls long before we started dating.  Just seems like a sign that we are made for each other.

See, I said it would sound really cheesy.  Oh well, I haven’t had enough cheese in my life in the last several years.  I had this carefully constructed shell built up around my heart that nothing could get through.  In the last five months, I’ve been learning that it’s okay to let the shell be non-existent.  It’s so exhilarating (and terrifying, but totally in a good way) to let my heart  be free.  Being vulnerable is really, really hard, but with the right person, it’s worth it.  I think C.S. Lewis said it best…

 

 

A First Time For Everything

Published March 27, 2014 by ia84

Last Friday night I got to do something I’ve never done before.  I got to experience hand holding.  I’m sure that to most people this may not seem like a very big deal, but to me it was fantastic!  There’s something very sweet and special about being 29 and getting to experience this sort of stuff for the first time.  What others take for granted, is new and wonderful to me.

It’s definitely been a week of firsts.  First time holding hands, and first time having a root canal.

I ended up going to the dentist on Tuesday (after spending most of the night laying in bed with pain radiating up and down the side of my face), and it was determined that root canal was needed.  I know I mentioned that financially it wasn’t the best option for me, but I ended up deciding that I was just going to make it work, somehow.  I was so terrified going into it.  I totally trust my dentist, but I was genuinely scared of having a root canal.  I’ve always heard such awful stories, and I didn’t want to experience one of those.

Laying there in the chair, as the dentist worked, I found a spot on the ceiling and stared intently at it.  I began repeating Psalm 56:3 (“What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee.”) and 2 Timothy 1:7 (“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”) over and over.  After several minutes, I was sure we were nearing the actual bad part of the root canal, and to my surprise, the hygienist looked at me and said, “He’s all done with the root canal.”  That’s right, I wasn’t even aware that what I was terrified of  had actually been completed.  Yay for Bible verses, awesome dentists, and excellent numbing!

Doing It 1700’s Style

Published March 20, 2014 by ia84

Last Sunday I was in the car with the boy (really gotta think of another way to refer to him), and we were listening to a podcast.  The hosts were interviewing an author, and the topic of old time romance novels came up.  The hosts asked their guest what was different between romance novels written now and those written then.  The guest stated that there really isn’t that much difference.  Basically two people who shouldn’t be together get together, and live happily ever after.  The host then asked about the sexy stuff.  This is where it got interesting.  Apparently, old-timey romance novels would use the statement, “making love,” and all they meant was that the guy said romantic things to the girl.

Now, I swear they were talking about novels written in 1905, and the boy thought they said 1605 (I’m thinking one of us has some hearing loss).  He was greatly entertained by this tidbit, mentioned it a few times throughout the evening.  I swear I probably turned about 18 shades of red each time it came up.  This led to him coining the phrase “Doing it 1700’s style.”

Y’know, I know I’m not the most innocent person on the planet, but compared to most people my age, I’m still pretty innocent.  I like the fact that I am still able to blush about things.  I like that I’m with someone who isn’t pushing me to lose that innocence.

I think 1700’s style is a pretty beautiful thing.

Walking The Tightrope

Published March 8, 2014 by ia84

So…yeah…it’s been a crazy month.  Good crazy, really good crazy,  but crazy all the same.  Four weeks ago I was terminally single, and now I’m not.  In the last three weeks, I’ve been on more dates than I’ve ever been on.  I’ve got so many emotions all fighting with each other, that I’m almost at a loss to know which one I feel the most.  My world definitely has been flipped upside down, and you know what?  I’m perfectly okay with it.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that this guy is a really good guy.  I’m not making it up when I say that he treats me amazingly.  He’s doing awesome at the whole being in a relationship thing.  Which is a good thing…because having never been a girlfriend before, I am completely clueless when it comes to being a girlfriend.  I’m so happy, but I also find myself worrying.  Which is stupid, since I’ve been following that classic advice Just Be Yourself.  (FYI, I’ve heard this advice waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much lately…)

So, what do I worry about?  I worry that I’m being too clingy, too needy, too talkative, too forward.  On the other hand, though, I worry that I’m being the exact opposite of all those things.  Thank heavens, he’s been super patient with me, because I fear that I’ve been a bit of a mess over the last few weeks.

So, I’m going to take deep, calming breaths.  I’m going to try to relax.   I’m going to do my best to continue to try to just live in the present and enjoy it.  Most importantly, I’m going to be happy.

I’m Gonna Be 16 For A Minute

Published February 25, 2014 by ia84

Tonight, after work, I got to go have pie…with my boyfriend!  And he even realizes that I refer to him as that.  Which makes it totally more awesome, and makes me sound like a teenager.  And I’m okay with all of that.

I’m 29 and I have a boyfriend. My first boyfriend.  I’ve never actually been in an official relationship before, so this is all really new to me.  Which explains the fact that apparently I’ve been smiling a lot and giggling about the dumbest stuff on a pretty regular basis.  I’ve never actually gotten to use the words “boyfriend” “girlfriend” in any relation to my personage before.  It’s new, and really kind of wonderful.

You know what I’m really enjoying?  The communication.  There are no games.  He knows that I had a freak-out moment last Thursday, and that didn’t freak him out.  (Which is good.)  He doesn’t talk down to me, and he listens to me.  Even to my disgusting work stories.

About that freak-out last Thursday.  I have a fear of being happy, and I tend to sabotage any possibilities of happiness.  Yeah, it’s as messed up as it sounds.  I fear that if I am happy, it will all go away immediately, and I’ll be left devastated.  I’ve had plenty of experiences to back up this fear.  Which makes it really hard to get beyond.  Last Thursday, I found my brain playing the game of “Yeah, you’re happy now, but just wait, it’s all going to be gone so very, very soon.”   I ended up talking this out via text with my “sister” (she’s my sister, just not by blood).  I related to her my fear that I was going to sabotage this.  As I was venting out my feelings a thought occurred to me.  Is God still God, still in control, and still good, if I do get hurt again?  I thought on this for a long while, and finally acknowledged that the answer is “yes”.  This led to the thought, “I am the daughter of the most high King, and He wants good things for me.”  All the leading I’ve received from Him leads me to believe that this relationship really is of Him and really is a good thing.  Ever since I acknowledged to myself that I really do believe that God wants good things for me, I’ve had complete peace about this relationship.  And I’m not even worrying that much that I might do something to ruin it.

So, I’m going to enjoy getting to say that I’m a girlfriend (even though, I really have no idea how one goes about being a girlfriend), and I’m going to do my best to live in the present.  Enjoy the time I get to spend with this man, and be patient.  God’s timing is perfect, and I’m going to enjoy being happy and at peace.

Surreal, But Nice. Not just nice, Absolutely Fantastic!

Published February 16, 2014 by ia84

This has been a crazy, ridiculous, oh-so-very memorable week.  And, yes, there’s a boy.  Well…not so much a boy…”guy” is a better term, since he’s almost 5 years older than me.  A guy friend I’ve known for years, that I never expected would be interested in me, and honestly, shocked the daylights out of me when, last Sunday (2/9), he asked I would like to go on a date with him.  I said yes, and then had a whole week to be as nervous and hyper as one of those silly little lap dogs.  

And, you know what, I shouldn’t have been nervous.  I shouldn’t have been freaked out.  It was a lovely, wonderful date.  

All 11 hours of it.

Yup, I’m not sure if there’s a world record for first date length, but I’m pretty sure we’d be in the running.  

So, the question I’ve now received multiple times, “What did you do for eleven hours?”  

Excellent question.  The answer?  We talked.  And talked.  And talked.  And talked.  Watched things on Youtube (I’m now aware of a group called The Doubleclicks, and my life is much better for it).  And then we talked some more.  Eventually, I realized that I had worship team practice at 8:15 this morning, and staying up really late wasn’t terribly optimal for me.  

Y’know, I know there are a lot of people who probably would find the idea of 11 hours of talking boring, but really, for me, it was absolutely perfect.  When it comes to important life things, I’m a processor.  It’s part of why I write this blog.  I have to sort out my thoughts.  All that talking gave me insight as to what was going on in his head, and also helped me to relax from nervous Chihuahua mode.  

So, now, 24 hours after the end of the first date to end all first dates, here’s what I feel like sharing with the world (some things are just to important to share with the world at large)…

-He’s really nice, and kind, super smart, and a genuine gentleman.  Things like holding open the door aren’t a foreign concept to him.  

-He’s seems slightly intuitive about me.  He got me flowers!  And not just any flowers.  He got me my favorites, and I think he’s slightly psychic because I don’t know anyone who knows my favorite flowers.

-He’s a super geek, and not a sports nut.  Do you have any idea how exciting it is to know someone who can tell me pretty much anything I want to know about comic books, but doesn’t care that I don’t give a tiny rat’s patootie about sports?  I don’t have to feign interest about stuff, because it’s stuff I’m actually interested in.  

-He has a TARDIS.  Yeah, I should have just put that, and nothing else.  I should have just written, “We went on an 11 hour first date, and I finally got to see the full size TARDIS he built that’s in his backyard.”  (Pictures of which will show up here at some point in the near-ish future, hopefully).  

Okay, I’ll stop gushing, I’m starting to sound a little annoying, even to myself.  (Did I mention there’s a TARDIS????)  The last thing I feel like mentioning is the fact that I had genuinely given up on guys and dating.  Years and years of pain and disappointment had led me to the point of finally deciding that I could be happy being the crazy cat & book lady.  I honestly believe that God’s hand is in this situation, because I really, REALLY, did not see this coming.  And yet, when he asked me out, the only thought in my head was, “This makes absolute sense, and I really want to go.”  

I don’t know where this is going for sure.  Although, crazy as it may sound, I definitely know where I hope it’s going.  The only thing I know for sure is that I’ve been talking to God a lot, and for once I haven’t been telling him a list of demands.  The very few things I’ve said, “God, it would be really nice if…but, if not that’s fine.  I really don’t mind,” all those things have happened (and odd as it sounds, if those things hadn’t happened, I really would’ve been okay with it).  Now, I’m not saying that God is always going to give me what I want, and thank heavens he doesn’t give me what I deserve.  I’ve spent most of my life with the answers to my prayers being, not now, or just plain, no.  This is all an incredibly new experience, and I’m really glad that so far there’s been pretty clear leading going on.  

Oh, and did I mention?  He built a TARDIS.

Where’s My Weekend?

Published March 7, 2013 by ia84

It’s that time of year again.  “Weekend to Remember” time again.

Let me explain.

Every year, for approximately a month, my church will bring up “Weekend to Remember,” reminding all the married couples that this is something they should look into going to.  Best as I understand it, it’s a weekend where a married couple gets together with other married couples to learn about being married, and to spend quality one on one time with each other remembering why they got married in the first place.  With some couples, this seems like a good idea, but I’m thinking that there are probably some couples out there who’d much rather not remember why they got married, and if they do remember it’s going to cause more strife than lovey-dovey-ness.  What do I know, though?  I’m not married, so I can’t really offer any true judgement or expert opinion on these sorts of things.

This has gotten me to thinking.  There really isn’t much available to Christian singles.  Why is it that married couples have so many resources and weekends and classes available to them, but singles are pretty much left on their own?  Are we considered less in need of help and support, simply because we have sole control over the remote?

On top of that, I decided to try Googling resources available to single Christians, and it’s amazing how many dating sites came up for me.  When I tried looking for support, the pages I found mostly looked cheesy and archaic, and were filled with ads for dating sites.  Plus, I’ve yet to encounter a book for single Christians that isn’t focused on dating/courting.  Don’t misunderstand me, all these things are good and have a purpose, but where is the support system?  I want guidance on how to exist as a single person in the day to day world.  I want to be encouraged that I’m just as valuable a human being without a man as I would be with one.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this train of thought (I know, I know, great thing to admit on something being published to be read by the general public), so maybe I just need time to process this.

Douche-nozzle is a word, right?

Published February 28, 2013 by ia84

Oh my, it’s been a bit of a time since I last updated.  The main reason is that I’ve had very minimal internet access, and I was super sick.  Combined, these things equaled no blogging.  I think I’m back to regular updates now.

Apart from being ill, interesting things have happened since I last wrote.  I went on a date!  It’s true.  I’m not making this up.  Granted, it was mostly a blind date, but the main point is that I got asked out, and I actually went.

The date happened this past Sunday, and I had a great time.  We met at the Durham Museum, and then went out for Mexican.  Despite the fact that I was prepared for it to be super awkward (it’s a first date, could I expect different?), I felt like I had known this guy for a while.  I even realized that I could easily like him as more than a friend.  He seemed to have fun, and not to be totally uneasy in my presence, so I figured that all was well.

I can’t explain it, but come Monday morning, I started getting this real uneasy feeling.  My spider-sense was tingling.  Based on nothing, my brain came up with this thought, “He’s never going to want to see you again or have anything to do with you.”  I tried to push this thought aside, but it kept bugging me.  I got really down during work, but I just blamed it on my meds.  What I take for my diabetes, makes emotions a little more severe.  Happiness can turn into being ecstatic, and feeling a little down can turn into a black pit of despair.

Yesterday, Tuesday, morning, I awoke to an email from this guy.  It was my first contact with him since Sunday evening when I texted him to thank him for taking me out.  I won’t share the e-mail, but let me share the real “highlight” of it.  He didn’t feel that “special spark” with me that he always promised himself he would feel with the person he is supposed to be with.

Really?

Really?

Special spark?

Hello!  That’s tons of pressure to put on a first date.  Especially one that was essentially blind.  We’d only communicated a few weeks before that.  So, all in all that was not even 10 emails, a few text messages, and a 2.5 hour date.  What did he expect?  That within minutes of meeting each other, we’d fall madly in love/bed with each other?  This guy didn’t want to go on a date in real life.  He wanted to go on a date in a movie!  Also, it really irks me that he made this decision based on a date that took place the day after he went to Beerfest and got fairly inebriated.  Yeah, in my experience, being hungover, even a little does not bode well for making solid choices.

Another thing, if you’re basing your choice for a life companion based on whether there’s a spark, that’s a really bad decision.  When I was growing up we lived in a house with a fireplace.  The thing I remember about sparks is that there are tons of them, they burn bright for a brief moment, and then are gone.  Who wants that?  Just because there’s an instant click, doesn’t mean that you should walk down the aisle together.  Even the best romances from fiction and tv are the ones based in friendship.  Elizabeth and Darcy hated each other to begin with, and yet they’re considered one of the most amazing love stories in literature.

All in all, the more I think about it, the more I realize what I disaster I got saved from.  He spent tons of time talking about himself and his friends and his cats.  It was all I could do to get a word in edgewise, and he certainly wasn’t interested in anything I had to say.

I guess the true positive is that I took a risk, something I’m not good at, and I gained some life experience.

Also, being the super-mature human being that I am, I may have spent a good portion of yesterday and today referring to this guy as a douche-nozzle.  Not a very polite moniker, but much kinder than anything else I felt like referring to him as.