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All posts for the month July, 2014

Dear Sick People…

Published July 29, 2014 by Malia

Cover your mouth when you cough!  When your arm is six inches or more away from your mouth, aiming in that general direction does not mean that you have covered your mouth.  Not even making any attempt to cover your mouth is even worse.  And while I’m on this rant, if you’re sick, please don’t get super near other people.  It’s not okay to announce that you’re super contagious and then stand within six inches of a non-sick person, breathing in their face.  I understand having to go to work when you’re sick, but if you do, at least keep a little distance between yourself and those you are talking with.  I know this may seem odd to you, but no one else really wants your disease.  We feel bad for you that you are sick, but we’d much rather you keep it to yourself.  Unless you were raised by single celled organisms, you have no excuse not to cover your mouth or respect other people’s personal space.

*End of Rant*

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The Swimsuit Is Not The Enemy

Published July 27, 2014 by Malia

Have you seen the thing floating around Facebook lately?  The thing where you’re supposed to post five pictures of yourself that you think make you feel beautiful, and then you’re supposed to tag your friends?  Yeah, that thing.  So far, I’ve been tagged twice.

Lucky me.

That was sarcastic, in case you couldn’t tell.  The boy is right, there totally needs to be a sarcasm font.

Anyway…I find this concept difficult because for as long as I can remember, I’ve honestly never felt beautiful.  Photographs just make me feel even worse about myself.   This isn’t me fishing for people to say things to make me feel better about myself, I’m just stating a fact.   From what I can tell, I’m not terribly different from other human females when it comes to how I see myself.

Last night, though, I had a bit of a paradigm shift.  A few friends on Facebook has posted a link to an article, and the title got me curious enough to read it: Exposed by My Children for What I Really Look Like.  Even though I don’t have kids, the self-loathing the author describes is something I can definitely relate to.  What I couldn’t relate to was how the author was able to see the good things along with the negative things.  The more I thought about it, though, the more I came to realize that I’m cheating myself out of a lot in life by only seeing the negative.  The flaws are going to be there.  They just are.   That doesn’t mean that I should run away from doing the things I love.  Things like swimming.

I want to go swimming.  I adore swimming.  I spent my whole childhood wishing and wishing I had a pool, and now that I live in a complex with one available 24 hours, I avoid it all costs because I hate myself in a swimsuit.  I hate how I look in one.  I hate other people seeing me in one.  I think child me is probably pretty disappointed in grown-up me.  And I don’t blame her.

So, I’m going to learn to love myself and accept how I look.  I’m going to look in the mirror every morning when I’m bleary-eyed and my hair is a bed-head disaster and say, “I am beautiful, I am lovely, I am precious, and I have value and worth.”

Oh yeah, here’s the 5 photos.  I’m forcing myself to use photos from the last 5 years, which considering how much I hate photos was a bit of a challenge coming up with 5 of them.  (Also, I’m relatively certain that as much as I love the people in the photos with me, they may not be thrilled that I’m highlighting them like this.  But them being in the photo with me is part of what makes me feel beautiful)…

1.  This is not a great quality photo, but I really love it.  I love these beautiful ladies.

2.  This picture was taken a few years ago when all of us ladies were heading different directions in our lives, and we weren’t 100% sure when we’d all see each other again.

3.  Okay, I really do love this picture.  This was when we were praying over my “sister” right before she walked down the aisle.  That was a good day 🙂

4.  I think mom kinda hates this photo, but I love it.  This was taken about 3 months after we almost lost her.  She was still recovering, and looks much healthier now.  But when this picture was taken, I was so glad I still had her, that was what was most important.

5.  Of course, it’s a picture with the boy.  It’s true, he exists!  He’s not just a figment of my imagination.  This is from Free Comic Book Day, last May.  He’s the Dread Pirate Roberts, and I’m a brunette Buttercup.  Also, fun fact, this is (as far as I know) the only photo of us that exists.  Hardly surprising considering how camera shy we both seem to be.

 

 

It’s Okay To Be Vulnerable

Published July 26, 2014 by Malia

Last Tuesday marked 5 months of being in a relationship.  I’ve been trying to figure out what to say regarding how things are going, but everything I’ve written has just laid there, sounding trite and cliche.  I do know that for the first time, in a really long time I can honestly say that I feel happy.  5 months in, and I still get butterflies every time I get to see the boy, or even just get a text from him.  He’s so very good to me.  I love that he will do things like save an episode of Batman for me on the DVR because it had Liberace playing not one, but two villains (and yes, it is my new favorite episode of Batman).  I love that he’s willing to just sit with me after an insane day at work, and just let me ramble on ridiculously and never makes me feel bad about it.    I love that we can watch Phineas and Ferb and never once does the question come up, “Don’t you think we’re a little too old to be watching a cartoon?” come up (Answer: No, no we’re not.).  Speaking of Phineas and Ferb, I think it’s adorable that we both loved it and Gravity Falls long before we started dating.  Just seems like a sign that we are made for each other.

See, I said it would sound really cheesy.  Oh well, I haven’t had enough cheese in my life in the last several years.  I had this carefully constructed shell built up around my heart that nothing could get through.  In the last five months, I’ve been learning that it’s okay to let the shell be non-existent.  It’s so exhilarating (and terrifying, but totally in a good way) to let my heart  be free.  Being vulnerable is really, really hard, but with the right person, it’s worth it.  I think C.S. Lewis said it best…

 

 

Reading is Fun?

Published July 25, 2014 by Malia

When this year began, I decided that instead of just  re-reading all the books I always re-read every year, this year I would make an effort to read things I’ve never read.  I’ve done pretty well so far.  Mostly, I’ve been reading a combination of fantasy, YA,  and graphic novels.  The graphic novels have proved to be worth my time.  (Bone was absolutely fantastic, but Watchmen was a really bizarre read.)  The YA has been a bit hit and miss.  I’ve enjoyed discovering the books by John Green and Rainbow Rowell.  Then there are books like The Selection series, which I’ve only stuck with because I felt like I should finish what I start.  They’re typically books with a good idea, but the execution is poor.

Then there are books like the one I just tried to read.

About a year ago, I heard that Marvel was going to be publishing two chick-lit novels.  One about She-Hulk, the other about Rogue.  The idea was that it would introduce female non-comic readers to these comic characters and thus make them want to go read the actual comics.  In theory, a decent idea.

At least the covers are pretty?

 

I recently got my hands on both novels, and thus far I’m not impressed.  I got about  1/3 of the way through The She-Hulk Diaries, and completely gave up.  The author is quite fond of using the term OMG.  OMG should only be used in the rarest of cases, and certainly not as the way you start nearly every sentence two or more of your characters say.  I’ve read books with shallow characters before, but the author barely even tried to cobble together a personality for the heroine, let alone any of the secondary characters.  Honestly, I don’t have high expectations for chick-lit.  I expect fluff, and average writing.  These are two things that should not have been hard for the author to accomplish.  However,  I spent the better part of the week trying to get somewhere in the book, constantly telling myself that it had to get better, I finally threw my hands up in frustration and went running back to the safety of Jim C. Hines’ Goblin trilogy.

 

I’ll take Jig the Goblin and his fire spider any day over a menagerie of vapid characters unable to think about anything more important than a smoothie.

This Might Be Considered TMI

Published July 23, 2014 by Malia

There are things I’m discovering as I become an adult, that no one ever warned me about.  Bodily things.  Unwanted hair things.  I remember when I was little, I saw something about how old-timey carnivals would feature things like the bearded lady.  I always assumed that the bearded lady was just a lady with a fake beard.  As far as I knew, only boys could grow facial hair.  Then, I became a grown-up, and discovered that if it was a hundred years ago, I’d have a fair shot at joining the carnival as the bearded lady.

Unwanted facial hair has been an ongoing nuisance for about the last four years.  I remember it started with just a few annoying little hairs that were relatively easy to deal with.  Then one day, I woke up and apparently the Beard Fairy had been to visit me in the night.  Apparently, if you don’t leave something to appease the Beard Fairy, you get “gifted” with your very own starter beard.

Anyway, I’ve spent the better part of the last couple of years with my own 5 o’clock shadow.  It hasn’t done much for my self-esteem, that’s for sure.  So, after trying many things, I finally decided to give an epilator a try.

For those who don’t know, an epilator is basically a bunch of tweezers all working in unison to make the user cry.  Or maybe just to make me cry.  I really hate tweezing things, and multiple tweezers working on automatic pilot is really an unpleasant sensation.  There’s almost something violent about it.  The nice thing is, once you get the hang of using it, you flinch less while using it.  It still hurts, but you’re at least prepared for what it’s going to feel like.  Plus, for the first time in years, I’m actually making some headway with getting rid of this facial menace.

Now, if I could just get the courage up to use it on the “gift” the Mustache Fairy left me…

Apparently The Evil Copy Machine Was Lonely

Published July 19, 2014 by Malia

So, y’know how in Star Wars nearly every character says, “I have a bad feeling about this.”?  That’s how I felt last Friday after sitting through the 20 minute presentation, “You and Your New Phone From Hell.”  Just kidding, the presentation didn’t have a title.  But, if it had, that is totally what it should have been.

See, for some reason, we had to get rid of the wonderful, fantastic phones with decent reception, and replace them with phones that Crowley would recommend.  And do you know why he’d recommend them?  Because after you’ve disconnected the same client 3+ times in a row, when attempting to transfer them, you start seriously wondering if you’re going to have to sell your soul in a crossroads deal just to make the phones play nice.

Believe me, there is absolutely NOTHING a client loves more than constantly being disconnected.  I’m sure that the irritated, haggard tone their voice takes on is just a mask for how much they’re enjoying the whole experience.

Y’know what else is super fun about the new phone system?  The phone numbers.  None of our old phones had direct numbers.  However, each of the new phones has its own, individualized number.  In theory, this is a good idea.  What’s not a good idea?  The phone company assigning previously owned numbers to these phones.  I’ve spent way too much time this week fielding calls of people trying to reach Farmer’s Insurance.  Most people are pretty startled when they’re calling for an insurance quote, and instead get a medical reference lab.

Maybe the evil phones would be appeased if I sacrificed a chicken…