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How do two people use this many dishes?

Published November 14, 2016 by Malia

I officially became a homemaker at the end of January.  Since January, I’ve discovered that I officially suck at being a homemaker.

Our house is a disaster.  When I moved in, the boy already had the house filled with his things, and I liked his things.  Big problem, though, I had boxes and boxes of my own things, and I happen to like my things too.  Right now, 75% of my things are still in boxes in the room that we don’t talk about.

Oh, the room.  Picture Monica’s secret closet, and just imagine it as a whole room.  Okay, it’s not that bad.  It’s not packed full to the ceiling.  There are just stacks of boxes everywhere.  We don’t talk about the room, because every time I go in there to try find something, I end up wanting to cry and then spend hours beating myself up because I have ZERO clue how to organize this house.

Both my mom and my mom-in-law have offered, many times, to come and help me make sense of the nightmare.  And I know that I should accept their help.  I need their help, but I’ve yet to take them up on it because I’m embarrassed.  It’s humiliating to be almost 32 years old, and be incapable of making your house look like grown-ups live there.

I’ve tried.  I honestly have.  It always starts out well.  I do the dishes.  And by that, I mean, I empty the dishwasher of the dishes that have been sitting in it for two or more weeks, and then fill it up from the pile of dishes that has been growing in the sink for weeks.  Then, once the dishwasher is filled and running, if I’m feeling really gung-ho, I’ll wash a bunch of dishes by hand.  Once the sink is empty I’ll turn my attention to the ever-inflating mountain of laundry, and I might even get the bathroom cleaned.

So, it probably sounds like I’ve pretty much got everything under control, and there should be no problem.  My house should be spotless at this point, right?

Wrong.

See, I’ll have a super productive day, and then the boy comes home from work, and I’ll make food.  Making food leads to the sink being filled with a bunch of dirty dishes.  When I look at that pile of dirty dishes, I just absolutely shut down.  I’ll have been so proud of myself for getting things done throughout the day, and the new pile of dishes seems to cancel out everything else I got done and I feel like I’m back to square one.  And, instead of just being an adult, I go into avoid mode…for days or sometimes weeks.

I don’t know why I go into avoid mode.  I know that there are no faeries that are going to come in the middle of the night and clean my house.  And yet, I apparently believe that is exactly what is going to happen.  There’s just something so defeating about doing a chore and  within a few hours you’re back to square one.

I have no idea how moms do it everyday.  Take my sister-in-law, for example.  She’s mom to the two most precious, adorable, energetic little boys on the planet (nope, I’m not biased at all).  She works full time, is always helping out with things at church, and her house is gorgeous.  I am just in awe of her, and I wish I could be half the amazing woman she is.

The challenge here really is just sucking it up and being a grown up.  And now I’m going to go put another load of laundry in the washer because we are officially out of clean underwear.

Also, there’s only ten shopping days left ’til my birthday.

Lincoln had a good sense of humor, right?

Published December 5, 2015 by Malia

(Warning, if you are at all easily offended, please stop reading right now.)

Yesterday, the boy and I were looking at grocery ads, and the following conversation took place:

Boy:  Wow, they already have Civil War fruit snacks out.

Me: (envisioning a gummy Confederate Flag) Well, that’s kind of weird .

Boy: Not really, it comes out in a few months.

Me: (realizing what he’s talking about) Oh, you mean the movie.

Boy: Yeah, what did you think I was talking about?

Me: I thought they were for the actual Civil War.

Boy: Like, here’s a Confederate soldier? 

Me:  Uh-huh

Boy: (immitating a kid) Look, I got Lincoln, he’s got a hole through his head.

Me: (stare at boy, horrified)

Boy: Too soon?

Me: (nodding head, but starting to giggle) Yeah, but hopefully Lincoln’s up in Heaven 
laughing too. 

White Stuff in the Air

Published November 30, 2015 by Malia

This is what it looks like as I write this…

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If you can’t tell, those white specks are the dreaded snowflakes.

As I’m watching the snow, it occurs to me that snow doesn’t bring grown-ups joy.  When I was little, every kid I knew lived for snow.  Playing in the snow was the greatest thing ever.  Even if school didn’t get cancelled, snow meant the playground got turned into a magical wonderland.  Once snow days are no longer are a part of people’s reality, suddenly snow becomes this evil, awful thing. 

I get it, I really do.  Most of my years as a grown-up have found me griping and bellyaching every time snow is even mentioned.  “Ugh, not snow.  I don’t wanna have to drive in that.”  Snow is a hassle.  It’s pointless.  It gets dirty and makes everything look awful and bleak.  People who’ve spent their whole lives around snow still haven’t figured out how to drive in it. 

However, as I’m watching the big, fluffy flakes fall this morning, I’m feeling very happy and peaceful.  Sure the roads will be crappy later, and I’ll probably be pretty grumpy after dealing with them, but right now that doesn’t matter.  Right now it looks like the beginnings of a Christmas card outside, and that makes me happy. 

It’s been a few hours since I wrote the above, here’s what it looks like now…

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To The Impossible Girl…

Published December 14, 2014 by Malia

In exactly 3 months (89 days), I’ll become a Mrs.  I’m so excited I’m having trouble talking about anything other than marriage and the upcoming wedding.  When you think about it, 3 months is not a lot of time.   Just enough time to let a lot of excitement build up.

I realize that I haven’t yet shared how the boy proposed.  Which is a huge slip-up on my behalf, because it was pretty awesome (even if Sandra Bullock wasn’t involved).  So, here is the story of how he asked.

I took off a couple of days from work for my birthday.  I love my birthday, and after having worked on it several times, I came to the conclusion I’d rather celebrate it than go to work, if at all possible.  In the weeks leading up to my birthday,  the boy kept asking me what I wanted to do the day after my birthday, since we both had it off.  Being super decisive (and by that I mean not decisive at all) I kept putting him off and telling him we’d do something.   Finally, the weekend before I finally told him we were going to the zoo.  

On the day we got to the zoo early,  and I have him the option of where he wanted to start.  He suggested the aquarium, and we headed that direction.   Walking through we saw the puffins and penguins and the giant,  creepy crabs.  

Somehow, by the time we got to the tunnel (filled with sharks, rays, turtles,  and other large ocean creatures) we had managed to get between large groups of people and we were completely alone in the tunnel.  

The way the tunnel is constructed,  it is shaped like an “L.”  When we came around the bend, sitting on the floor of the empty tunnel was a TARDIS, light flashing and sounding like it had just landed.   I looked over at the boy and he had this grin on his face.  

When we reached the TARDIS, he got down on one knee, opened the TARDIS door and pulled out a small slip of paper.  This small slip of paper:

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After he finished, he pulled a ring box out of the TARDIS and put this on my finger :

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It was a beautiful, wonderful moment.  The kind of moment you only read about (or see in the movies).  And now I can hardly wait for March 14th!

(I’m curious…can anyone list all the geek refrences in the boy’s proposal without the aid of Google?)

This Is The Stuff News Reports Are Made Of

Published June 22, 2014 by Malia

So, last night (Friday) we had a bit of a gully washer here in Omaha.  I was at work, and as my shift progressed, I noticed the sky getting darker and darker until it was pitch black.  That’s about when the torrential downpour began.  By time time my shift had ended, the rain hadn’t let up, and the basement at my work had flooded.  I didn’t think much about this because it’s prone to flooding, as is our parking lot.  Before I left work, I checked the weather warnings, and all I found was that there was a flash flood warning for a county in Iowa.  Thinking I was safe, I decided to head home.

Now, have you ever seen those new videos where they show people, stranded in their cars, while the roads swell with flood waters?   I’ve always watched those videos kind of judgmentally.  I’m usually wondering what kind of idiot would go out in that weather in the first place.  Now I know, because it turns out I’m that kind of idiot.

Honestly, things weren’t going well from the minute I left work.  Like I said, the parking lot at work was flooded, but I’m so used to that I didn’t think anything of it.  However, when I got out on the road, I noticed that the water seemed to be a little higher than was comforting.  Plus, I kept having water go up the tailpipe and the van would fill with gas fumes.  Which, is apparently a not so good thing, and probably should have been a big sign to me that I was probably in trouble.

And at this point you’re thinking, “You did the smart thing, pulled over, and waited it out.  Right?”

Didn’t I mention before that I’m an idiot?

I did almost pull off at Village Inn near my work.  My thought was that I could just wait out the storm there, but then I began wondering what I would do if the storm didn’t let up anytime soon.  So, I pushed on for home.  Such a huge mistake.

Most of L Street was under some water.  There were actually multiple times that I found that the appearance of a road had completely disappeared.  When I saw cars stranded I went from worried to really scared.  I just began praying, “Jesus, just get me home.  Please just get me home.”  I didn’t make deal any deals with God, or anything like that.  I just asked to get home safely.  As soon as I could, I got off of L, and headed for Q Street, thinking that would be a better option.

Headed down hill on Q Street towards the intersection with 96th Street, I saw something I wasn’t at all prepared for.  The entire intersection was completely underwater.  Cars were stalled, and the rushing water was coming up to the hoods of large pickup trucks.  Fortunately, there was a parking lot on the hill that I could pull in to.  Sitting there, I felt trapped.  I knew I couldn’t go back to L Street, and clearly I couldn’t get through the intersection at the bottom of the hill.  It was late and dark and I was terrified and I was alone.  Because I’m a drama queen, I had a brief moment where my mind seriously darted to the thought of, “What if this is it?  What if I die here?”  I briefly considered contacting those people in my life that are most important and telling them how important they are to me, and how much I love and appreciate them.  Fortunately for them, no one received a phone call from a unnerved, terrified me, because as I sat there I decided to head back and try going a more roundabout way to get home, one that was likely to be less flooded.

Long, long story shorter, I did make it home.  It took me an hour, compared to the normal 15 minutes.  I did not make any embarrassing phone calls, or send any embarrassing texts.  Not that telling people you love them is embarrassing.  However I do believe you shouldn’t have to be wondering if you’re going to die in order to be prompted to let people know you truly care about them.

Also, I’m thankful that my stupidity didn’t actually end up on the news.

Satan Pox

Published February 11, 2014 by Malia

It’s totally a real thing.  And by “real” I mean it’s the name I give to anything that makes me feel less than 100%, but I’m too stubborn to go to the doctor and get diagnosed.  This is the main reason I’ve been a bit silent lately.  I’d been feeling gradually worse, but a week ago Monday, it hit really hard.  So, I spent most of the week recuperating.  It’s now a week later, and I still don’t feel great, but I can at least string words together in a semi-sensical way.  (Yes, sensical is a word.  Be nice to me, I have Satan Pox.)

Apart from this bout with Satan Pox, life has been mostly quiet.  I guess I just wanted to check in with the world at large, because I feel off when I take time off from blogging.  So, hi, World, I’m back!

“I’m a whole lot hotter than I look.”

Published January 2, 2013 by Malia

For Christmas, I got the movie The Decoy Bride.  Here’s the trailer, just to get you up to speed on what I’m talking about:

It’s a very predictable film, but incredibly sweet and funny, so it’s worth a watch.  Plus, David Tennant is the love interest, so it’s hard not to enjoy it.

The reason I loved this film was because it felt very relateable, or rather Kelly MacDonald’s character was relateable.  The first time I heard her line about “hotter than I look,” all I could think was “That’s exactly how I feel about myself.”  When I’m not near a mirror, I tend to think of myself as a lot prettier and a lot slimmer.  I also tend to think that I’m witty, clever, and generally delightful.

Today was a rare day when, once I got dressed and did my makeup and hair, I actually felt pretty.  Not hot or anything like that, but definitely more attractive than usual.  To that end, I decided to make today’s photo a first for me.  I decided to take one of those infamous bathroom mirror shots.  Although, I don’t think I did it right, because I wasn’t holding the camera when I took the picture.  So, here’s the photo:

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Now, I could’ve cropped the picture, but I thought the hair straightener sticking out into the photo was such a “classy” touch.