Pregnancy

All posts tagged Pregnancy

So…Probably Not Pregnant

Published January 14, 2019 by ia84

(Okay, if you’re squeamish about words like period, then this post is probably one you want to avoid.)

I spent the first two weeks of this new year thinking I was pregnant.  All the symptoms were there, and then my period started on Saturday, so yeah…probably not preggers.

This isn’t the first time I’ve thought I was pregnant.  In fact I’ve even had a few times when the test has shown up positive, but it’s never lasted.  I’ve not been public about those pregnancies, mostly because I felt like such a failure.

This is the first time that I’ve genuinely felt both disappointed and thrilled when my period showed up.  The disappointment stems from knowing that this means more waiting.  The thrilled part comes from the fact that I’ve actually managed to have a normal cycle for one of the very few times in my life.

My heart has undergone a shift.  I’ve gone from being willing to be a mom but feeling unsure about whether I really wanted kids, to knowing that I genuinely want to be a mom, and not just because I know Tom wants to be a dad.  I’ve never bought into that idea that you’re not a family or complete without kids.  I’ve known for a long time that kids may be just out of the realm of possibility (thanks a lot, PCOS).  Our family was formed when we said, “I do.”  Children would just make our family bit bigger, and I suddenly find myself really wanting that.

Now, I find myself facing the fact that I absolutely must get healthy.  If I want to have a hope of a successful pregnancy, or of having an adoption agency being willing to even talk to us, I have to be mentally and physically healthy.

Pin one recipe aimed at pregnant ladies, and suddenly Pinterest has made way off-base assumptions about my current child expectancy situation.

Published February 4, 2018 by ia84

I’m in a quandary.

If you’ve been here over the last month, you know that I’m starting the process of bringing my blood sugar down and getting my diabetes back into the realm of “Controlled.”

I’m making sure I’m taking my meds religiously (even though they make me feel like crap 24/7). Since January 8th, I’ve not had one sugar reading over 200. I’m seeming to stay between 120-140. I know there’s room for improvement, but considering that I was consistently in the 220-240 range a little over a month ago, I’m happy to be where I am.

Not only am I supposed to be lowering my blood sugar numbers, I’m also supposed to be losing weight.

And that’s not happening.

I’m stuck. I’ll lose 5 pounds, and then those five pounds immediately come back. And then I’ll lose them again, just to find them back a few days later. It’s a frustrating, brutal cycle.

I’m stressing out so much about the weight not cooperating (and stress is really, just about the best thing for blood sugar numbers…not!). I’ve only got until the end of March to show improvement, or I’m facing insulin.

I don’t want to go on insulin! It’s not even something I can afford to think about having to do.

So, that’s my quandary. How do I get the weight to come off and stop coming back? It’s not like this is a new challenge, either. I’ve been fighting this losing weight battle for so long now, I’m at my wit’s end.

Nice coffee tables are for holding Lego’s, right?

Published August 30, 2016 by ia84

An actual conversation that happened last week:

Me: I was out today running errands, and LITERALLY  every single woman I saw was either pregnant or had a pile of small kids or both.  I honestly think we’re having all the sex, and everyone else is getting pregnant.

The Boy: That’s not how it works.

Me: No, I’m pretty sure it is.  Like, three people announced on Facebook today that they’re pregnant.  So, yeah, I’m sticking with this argument.

The Boy: You’re saying that the sperm and the egg leave here and go elsewhere and other people get pregnant?

Me: Yes.

The Boy: Again, that’s not how it works.

Me: You don’t know!  I’m the medical professional, this is totally how it works!

After that, the conversation slipped into further nonsense.

Here’s the thing, I honestly am happy for all y’all that are gettin’ preggers and poppin’ out babies.  I really am.  Please don’t think that I’m not.  I’m sorry if I  cry or seem not as enthused as everyone else (I try really hard not to do that except when I’m alone or with the boy).  And please, please, please don’t ever keep it from me that you’re expecting because you’re afraid it’ll make me sad.  I’m 98% happy for all you expectant mamas.  There’s just this annoying 2% of me that is a little jealous and a little sad.  That’s fair, though, right?  I can be 2% selfish.

So what do you do when your baby making parts aren’t magic?  You build Lego sets.  Lego sets with dragons and elves.  Seriously, it’s excellent therapy.

wp-1472568456319.jpg

 

wp-1472568460650.jpg

 

wp-1472568464861.jpg

 

wp-1472568470775.jpg

And now these sets are living on my coffee table, because they’re pretty and they make me happy.