Facebook

All posts tagged Facebook

Year of the Blog

Published January 1, 2016 by ia84

2016 is here! My goal this year is to avoid Facebook as much as possible.. Instead of wasting time there, I’m going to be trying to blog as much as I possibly can.
To help ease ya’ll into the new year, here’s some pictures of my adorable kitty boy…

image

image

image

The Swimsuit Is Not The Enemy

Published July 27, 2014 by ia84

Have you seen the thing floating around Facebook lately?  The thing where you’re supposed to post five pictures of yourself that you think make you feel beautiful, and then you’re supposed to tag your friends?  Yeah, that thing.  So far, I’ve been tagged twice.

Lucky me.

That was sarcastic, in case you couldn’t tell.  The boy is right, there totally needs to be a sarcasm font.

Anyway…I find this concept difficult because for as long as I can remember, I’ve honestly never felt beautiful.  Photographs just make me feel even worse about myself.   This isn’t me fishing for people to say things to make me feel better about myself, I’m just stating a fact.   From what I can tell, I’m not terribly different from other human females when it comes to how I see myself.

Last night, though, I had a bit of a paradigm shift.  A few friends on Facebook has posted a link to an article, and the title got me curious enough to read it: Exposed by My Children for What I Really Look Like.  Even though I don’t have kids, the self-loathing the author describes is something I can definitely relate to.  What I couldn’t relate to was how the author was able to see the good things along with the negative things.  The more I thought about it, though, the more I came to realize that I’m cheating myself out of a lot in life by only seeing the negative.  The flaws are going to be there.  They just are.   That doesn’t mean that I should run away from doing the things I love.  Things like swimming.

I want to go swimming.  I adore swimming.  I spent my whole childhood wishing and wishing I had a pool, and now that I live in a complex with one available 24 hours, I avoid it all costs because I hate myself in a swimsuit.  I hate how I look in one.  I hate other people seeing me in one.  I think child me is probably pretty disappointed in grown-up me.  And I don’t blame her.

So, I’m going to learn to love myself and accept how I look.  I’m going to look in the mirror every morning when I’m bleary-eyed and my hair is a bed-head disaster and say, “I am beautiful, I am lovely, I am precious, and I have value and worth.”

Oh yeah, here’s the 5 photos.  I’m forcing myself to use photos from the last 5 years, which considering how much I hate photos was a bit of a challenge coming up with 5 of them.  (Also, I’m relatively certain that as much as I love the people in the photos with me, they may not be thrilled that I’m highlighting them like this.  But them being in the photo with me is part of what makes me feel beautiful)…

1.  This is not a great quality photo, but I really love it.  I love these beautiful ladies.

2.  This picture was taken a few years ago when all of us ladies were heading different directions in our lives, and we weren’t 100% sure when we’d all see each other again.

3.  Okay, I really do love this picture.  This was when we were praying over my “sister” right before she walked down the aisle.  That was a good day 🙂

4.  I think mom kinda hates this photo, but I love it.  This was taken about 3 months after we almost lost her.  She was still recovering, and looks much healthier now.  But when this picture was taken, I was so glad I still had her, that was what was most important.

5.  Of course, it’s a picture with the boy.  It’s true, he exists!  He’s not just a figment of my imagination.  This is from Free Comic Book Day, last May.  He’s the Dread Pirate Roberts, and I’m a brunette Buttercup.  Also, fun fact, this is (as far as I know) the only photo of us that exists.  Hardly surprising considering how camera shy we both seem to be.

 

 

It’s Not Worth More Than Life

Published April 3, 2014 by ia84

I have a lot of things I’m scared of.  Snakes, spiders, snakes, heights, snakes, anything in a scary movie, snakes…well, you get the idea.  However, the two all time scariest moments of my life actually took place while I was driving (and neither involved snakes).  One, of course, is when I went off the road in a blizzard.  Granted, I didn’t get scared until after being rescued, and I realized that I should have died.  The all time scariest moment came in December of 2009.

It was noon on Saturday, December 5th, 2009, I was with my parents, and I was driving on West Center (a main road here in Omaha).  Being the noon hour, traffic was heavy.  We were sitting in a long line of traffic waiting for the light at 120th & W. Center to change.  I remember looking up in my rear view mirror and seeing a car coming up behind me.  I could tell that it wasn’t slowing down, and even though my foot was already on the brake (because we were stopped), I put as much pressure into holding the brake down as I could.  Right before the car slammed into the back of my car, I saw that the driver was just chatting away on her cell phone, completely oblivious to the fact that she was about to cause an accident.  The impact came, our car was pushed up into the car in front of us, and then unexpectedly the car behind us hit us a second time.  It took a moment, but when no more impacts came, it was time to see what had happened.

Turns out, the woman who hit us wasn’t the only one on her phone not paying attention.  There was another woman in the car behind the woman who rear ended us, and she too was on her cell phone.  You read that right, both women were talking on their cell phones not paying a whit of attention to anything.  Not only that, but it ended up being a paramedic who witnessed what happened who called 9-1-1.  I didn’t have a phone at the time, and the gentleman who’s truck I got pushed into didn’t have one either.  Neither of the two women who caused the accident bothered to ever use their phones to call 9-1-1.

Miraculously, no one was killed, or injured; which considering the fact that both women were going at least 45 mph when they hit is pretty amazing.  (Although, the stress of the event triggered a nightmare medical situation with my mom over the next week, but that’s a story for another post.)

Ever since that nightmare day, I’ve been very anti using your cell phone to text or call while driving.  That accident should never have happened.  So, you can imagine the rage I felt yesterday when I got on Facebook, and saw one of my acquaintances had written that when a guy honked and shook his finger at her for texting and driving, she proceeded to flip him off and continue texting at the same time.  And to make it really great, she hash-tagged it “multitasking.”

Cue Seth and Amy, it’s time for “Really?”.  Really?  REALLY??????

Last time I checked driving is not the time to be “multitasking.”  A car is an incredibly dangerous weapon when used irresponsibly.  And yes, I consider texting and driving to be just as irresponsible as talking on the cell phone and driving.  If you don’t care about your own life, show respect and care for other people’s lives.  People in the cars around you are human beings.  Every single driver is someone’s daughter or son.  Every single passenger is someone’s daughter or son.  This isn’t “The Sims” where you can just recreate the character should Death come knocking.  There is no pause button, and the game doesn’t reset just because someone died.   Those other drivers don’t deserve to have their lives taken away or messed up badly because you don’t have the patience to wait until you’ve reached your destination to use your phone.

At the end of the day, life is too valuable to destroy so recklessly and irresponsibly.

Don’t Mind Me, I’m Just Watching The Unicorns Frolic

Published February 20, 2014 by ia84

Last week I was driving to work, and suddenly an aria burst from my lips.  (O Mio Babbino Caro in case you’re wondering which one.)  Which was…weird.  I realized a few days later that I wasn’t just having arias popping out of my mouth, I was singing along to anything that was on.  Radio at work?  Yup.  Puppet music for new show we’re putting together?  Yup.  Random Youtube videos?  Yup.  Broadway tune that randomly popped into my head?  Yup.

What was even weirder?  I was and am enjoying singing.  Now, I’m sure that what everyone else is finding weird is the fact that I find all of this weird.  The truth is, I haven’t enjoyed singing or playing any kind of instrument since March of 2004.

See, back in March of 2004, I was a freshman in college.  A music education major.  I got off the bus from choir tour, and received some life changing news.  News that had several nasty effects on my life, but one in particular was that I began to hate music.  Me, who had spent all of her life adoring music.  I had loved music so much that when I was sixteen, I chose voice and trumpet lessons over getting a car.  That’s some real love of music.

As the weeks passed from that day in March ’04, I came to realize that my voice wasn’t really as great as I thought.  People put up with it because they were kind.  I wasn’t that great of an instrumentalist either.  Sure, I thought I was, but all the evidence pointed to the fact that my ego was just a little bit blown out of proportion.

I slowly pulled away from the world of music, and stopped singing.  Stopped listening to music.  Only pulled my trumpet out when forced to.

Fast-forward 10 years, and for some reason, along with the dormant emotions that have suddenly woken up, I’m suddenly singing and playing again.  Not because I’m being forced to, but because I genuinely want to.  My voice has changed.  Looking back, I realize that my voice wasn’t the greatest in the world, but I really did have a beautiful soprano voice.  It’s now more mezzo-soprano, but I’m okay with that.  I don’t even care if people hear me sing, I’m singing for my own pleasure.  There’s a joy in it that I’m rediscovering.

Two days ago, I mentioned to mom how surprised I was by the fact I was singing.  I told her that for the first time in forever I actually wanted to sing, and I’d been catching myself singing all the time.  Mom just looked at me and said, “You’re happy.” Which, oddly enough, is what a friend on Facebook said, yesterday, when I mentioned that out of the blue I’d lost 10 pounds.

I guess I am happy.  It’s weird.  I’ve not felt truly happy and at peace in a long time (and by long time I mean 10 years).  I’ve got a job I love, other aspects of my life are starting to make some sense, and I can honestly say that life is generally good.  So, I’m going to be silly, and probably talk to much, and possibly be a general annoyance, but it’s been so long since I’ve even wanted to be any of those things, I’m okay with it.

Couldn’t stop it if I tried

Published January 2, 2014 by ia84

Well, for better or worse, 2014 is upon us.  2013 has come and gone and will never come this way again.  Now is about when some people are starting to regret the kisses at midnight and the hastily made resolutions.  Of course, I too am swept up in the enthusiasm of facing a new year.  Maybe it was the whole waking up to the first snow of the new year.  Everything looked clean and white and new and fresh and possible.  So, here’s a few goals I’ve got for myself as I start down the road of 2014…

-Lose the weight.  This one is starting to make me sound like a broken record.  I know it needs to be lost, and I need to keep going and being serious about it for more than a month.

-Eat less fast food.  Fast food has definitely become an escape method for me.  Let’s see, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?  Okay, well I’ve admitted it, now to put into practice avoiding it.

-Read more and revamp book blog.  The discovery of Skyrim and the availability of Facebook have definitely interfered with my reading habit.  I’m a free-ish, single woman.  I should be reading.

-Speaking of Facebook…Neil Gaiman beat me to the punch last night when he posted that he’s going to be on Facebook less, and going to be blogging more.  I’ve been wasting far too much time on Facebook, and it’s really been bothering me over the last year.  Up until this last month it hasn’t really bothered me enough to do something about it, but I’m now to the point that I’m not giving it up, but I’m going to try to be on it quite a bit less.

-Spend more time writing.  First off, I want to update this blog on a more regular basis (and the book blog), but I also want to get more serious about writing in general.  I’ve got several very good ideas, but I’ve been too scared to write them down, too scared of what others might think of me if they knew what I had written.

-Dealing with fear.  I tend to let fear control my life, which is apparently a bad thing.  Mostly, I fear what other people think of me and my decisions.  Then when I know someone’s disappointed I spend way too much time beating myself up over it.  I’m going to try very hard to stop living in fear and especially try to stop beating myself up constantly for every time I think I’ve screwed up somehow.

Happy 2014!  Make it a good one!