I was going to write this whole post about how frustrated I am that I can’t maintain a “normal” body temperature, and constantly run on the cold end of the thermometer. However, I was boring myself as I was writing it. Which means all you lovely people would be equally bored. So, I’m gonna set that post aside for awhile. It’s kind of funny, but it’s taking too long to get to the funny.
Instead, I’m going to take a moment to assure the world at large that as of right now I am NOT pregnant, and not adopting either. Maybe someday. Apparently, a previous post from a few weeks ago was a bit misleading, since I mentioned that there were some changes ahead in my life. Said changes are more of the “I’m trying to figure out what I want ro be when I grow up” variety.
There’s this thing about being married. You have to take the other person’s needs and wants into account. This isn’t always the easiest, especially when I spent the first twenty-nine years of my life being very single, and my choices really only affected me. Having the flu and then bronchitis and now bronchitis again (it’s not officially been diagnosed this time, but this is not my first bronchitis rodeo) has provided me with a ridiculous amount of time to think. There are things that I know the boy would like of me (his top love language is Acts of Service). They aren’t difficult things, and certainly nothing that is wrong of him to expect and want. I’ve come to realize that those things are far more important to me than so many other things. I know I’m being a bit cryptic, but that’s cause things are still kind of in flux. I just know that I want to be a good wife (especially since he’s such an amazing husband). I want to have the boy want to come home at the end of the week. I want to get healthy.
And my chest is really hurting, so maybe I should go to the doctor and get this bronchitis officially diagnosed…
Tonight I was driving home from work, and had something happen that is really bothering me.
I was sitting in the left hand turn lane at a red light. The intersection I was at is one that usually has heavier traffic, even after 10 pm when I’m usually headed home. As I was sitting at the light, I became aware of someone knocking at my passenger side window. When I looked over, there was middle-aged (looked to be in her mid-forties) woman standing there wanting me to roll down my window.
I’ll be honest, I got scared. I was alone, it was late, and this woman had appeared out of nowhere. Out of all the vehicles at the intersection, she had picked mine, which certainly couldn’t have been her first choice, especially since she had to pass several vehicles to get to mine. Even weirder? The intersection I was at is one that is right next to several restaurants (fast food and sit down), and gas stations; so it wasn’t like I was sitting out in the middle of nowhere leaving her with nowhere to go. Plus, my stupid brain wasn’t helping. All I could think about was the woman who got murdered last summer when she was on her way home from work (http://www.wowt.com/home/headlines/Andrea-Krugers-Murder-Was-Quick-and-Random-222445351.html).
My paranoia got the best of me, and I ended up pulling away from her. I saw her walking (not running, or even walking with much haste) towards the Village Inn on the corner. I’m hoping that the lack of haste indicates she wasn’t in trouble.
I’m hoping that she’s okay. I honestly don’t know what I should have done. I know plenty of people who wouldn’t have thought anything about rolling down the window, but I’m apparently not one of those people. I apparently assume the worst about everyone, even if I have minimal reason to. Did I do the right thing by putting my own safety ahead of someone else, or was I just operating out of fear? (This is more a rhetorical question, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m incredibly frustrated by the fact that I may have been wrong).
Today, I was sitting at work thinking about how weird I find it that some people swear up and down that they have no regrets. Really? Nothing? They really expect me to believe that there’s nothing that they look back on and think, “Yeah, probably should have done that differently”?
I have my fair share of regrets. They’re all things I’ve learned from, but I can’t help looking back at them and feeling sadness, guilt, and/or disappointment. Things I wish I had done differently, things I wish I would have said (or in some cases, not said).
Thinking on all this, I then started wondering, if you say you have no regrets, does that mean that you haven’t learned anything from your life experiences? Why is it such a bad thing to have regrets? I think it’s bad to brood and stew over something that you can’t change, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to regret said thing. Seems like it would be better to be someone who regrets and learns and becomes a better person; than someone who blows everything off, learns nothing, and forever remains shallow and self-centered.