Girlfriend

All posts tagged Girlfriend

Walking The Tightrope

Published March 8, 2014 by ia84

So…yeah…it’s been a crazy month.  Good crazy, really good crazy,  but crazy all the same.  Four weeks ago I was terminally single, and now I’m not.  In the last three weeks, I’ve been on more dates than I’ve ever been on.  I’ve got so many emotions all fighting with each other, that I’m almost at a loss to know which one I feel the most.  My world definitely has been flipped upside down, and you know what?  I’m perfectly okay with it.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that this guy is a really good guy.  I’m not making it up when I say that he treats me amazingly.  He’s doing awesome at the whole being in a relationship thing.  Which is a good thing…because having never been a girlfriend before, I am completely clueless when it comes to being a girlfriend.  I’m so happy, but I also find myself worrying.  Which is stupid, since I’ve been following that classic advice Just Be Yourself.  (FYI, I’ve heard this advice waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much lately…)

So, what do I worry about?  I worry that I’m being too clingy, too needy, too talkative, too forward.  On the other hand, though, I worry that I’m being the exact opposite of all those things.  Thank heavens, he’s been super patient with me, because I fear that I’ve been a bit of a mess over the last few weeks.

So, I’m going to take deep, calming breaths.  I’m going to try to relax.   I’m going to do my best to continue to try to just live in the present and enjoy it.  Most importantly, I’m going to be happy.

I’m Gonna Be 16 For A Minute

Published February 25, 2014 by ia84

Tonight, after work, I got to go have pie…with my boyfriend!  And he even realizes that I refer to him as that.  Which makes it totally more awesome, and makes me sound like a teenager.  And I’m okay with all of that.

I’m 29 and I have a boyfriend. My first boyfriend.  I’ve never actually been in an official relationship before, so this is all really new to me.  Which explains the fact that apparently I’ve been smiling a lot and giggling about the dumbest stuff on a pretty regular basis.  I’ve never actually gotten to use the words “boyfriend” “girlfriend” in any relation to my personage before.  It’s new, and really kind of wonderful.

You know what I’m really enjoying?  The communication.  There are no games.  He knows that I had a freak-out moment last Thursday, and that didn’t freak him out.  (Which is good.)  He doesn’t talk down to me, and he listens to me.  Even to my disgusting work stories.

About that freak-out last Thursday.  I have a fear of being happy, and I tend to sabotage any possibilities of happiness.  Yeah, it’s as messed up as it sounds.  I fear that if I am happy, it will all go away immediately, and I’ll be left devastated.  I’ve had plenty of experiences to back up this fear.  Which makes it really hard to get beyond.  Last Thursday, I found my brain playing the game of “Yeah, you’re happy now, but just wait, it’s all going to be gone so very, very soon.”   I ended up talking this out via text with my “sister” (she’s my sister, just not by blood).  I related to her my fear that I was going to sabotage this.  As I was venting out my feelings a thought occurred to me.  Is God still God, still in control, and still good, if I do get hurt again?  I thought on this for a long while, and finally acknowledged that the answer is “yes”.  This led to the thought, “I am the daughter of the most high King, and He wants good things for me.”  All the leading I’ve received from Him leads me to believe that this relationship really is of Him and really is a good thing.  Ever since I acknowledged to myself that I really do believe that God wants good things for me, I’ve had complete peace about this relationship.  And I’m not even worrying that much that I might do something to ruin it.

So, I’m going to enjoy getting to say that I’m a girlfriend (even though, I really have no idea how one goes about being a girlfriend), and I’m going to do my best to live in the present.  Enjoy the time I get to spend with this man, and be patient.  God’s timing is perfect, and I’m going to enjoy being happy and at peace.