Stress

All posts tagged Stress

When Life Feels Too Much

Published January 24, 2019 by Malia

I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning, and it took me until 9:30 a.m. to drag myself out of bed.  I’m struggling right now.  And it occurs to me that I’m probably not the only one.

If you are…

-Trying to figure out how you’re going to pay bills with money you don’t have

-Rationing your meds because even if you do have insurance, you can’t afford refills

-Eating as little as possible, cause groceries are an expense you can’t really afford right now

-Feeling strangled by your debts

-Stressed out because you keep trying to do things the right way, and life just keeps knocking you down

-A payment or more behind on your mortgage and/or bills

-Terrified your utilities are going to get turned off

-Wondering how you’re going to buy diapers

-Exhausted by your school loans

-Questioning how far your car can get on less than a quarter of a tank of gas

-Going through something I haven’t listed

-Feeling overwhelmed by everything, and considering just giving up

Then, let me say, you’re not alone.  I know there are a ton of people struggling right now. Please, don’t give up.  Eventually, things will get better.  I know that sounds like an empty platitude, but I’ve been down this road before, and I know that things will turn around.

If you’re genuinely considering ending it all, please reach out for help.  Call 1-800-273-8255 to reach the Suicide Prevention Lifeline.  If talking on the phone isn’t your comfort zone, text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.

And if you’re in a season of life where things are going along pretty smoothly, please be willing to be there for those around you who are having a rough time.

 

 

 

Totally Doing A Great Job of Writing Regularly…

Published January 17, 2015 by Malia

There’s something about publicly announcing I’m going to blog more regularly that seems to send my brain into rebellion and causes me to blog even less frequently than I was.  Which strikes me as completely ridiculous.  So, just to be safe, I’m done making proclamations regarding how frequently I’m going to write or how much weight I am going to lose. 

So, this is how I’m spending the wee hours of Saturday morning…

image

I’m hanging out at the comic book store while the boy participates in the midnight pre-release of the next set of Magic cards.  This is actually a pretty big deal among those who play.  Some of these people will be here until five or six a.m., and then be back in a few hours to play for several more hours.  I’m not playing because I really, really, really, REALLY stink.  I make the worst players look like experts.  After a brain frying day at work I’m just not in any mental state to play a strategy card game.  However, I do enjoy hanging out and supporting the boy and getting lots of reading done.  I love that I can sit in the corner and read for hours on end, and no one cares or tried to bug me. 

Also, I’ll be honest, it’s a nice break from wedding stress.  I’m only 56 days away from the wedding, and my anxiety is through the roof.  I’m really excited about the future and the wedding, please don’t think I’m not.  However, there’s so much new and different that is headed towards me at break-neck speed and it’s a little scary.  I’m moving in with a boy.  That’s a definitely a first.  I’m gaining a whole pile of relatives all at once.  I’m changing my name.  I’m going to have to give up my wild, single girl habits (Translation: I have to start showing some restraint in the Kindle book purchasing).  This is only the short list, there are so many other things I could be listing off, but the goal is to not be stressing at the moment, so the list ends here.

56 days is not a very long amount of time…maybe I should start thinking about packing…

A Comedy of Errors

Published June 23, 2014 by Malia

I’m sure that this will be funny in a few days, but right now I just feel sad.  This morning, I got up and exercised.  I napped (wasn’t feeling very good, and I knew it would be a late night because we were short staffed at work), and then had lunch with my parents.  After that I showered and got ready for work.  And then I looked at my phone for the first time since getting up.  I had missed a text from the boy.

And then I was sad.

Normally, this wouldn’t make me sad, but he’s been super busy at work.  They’ve been gearing up to do inventory (which takes place this week), and so I’ve not seen him in a week.  Sadly, if I had actually checked my phone earlier in the day, I would’ve gotten to see him today.  Which is why I’m sad.  I miss him. Which is not the easiest thing in the world to admit, because I like to pretend I’m a lot tougher than I am.  Doesn’t change the fact that I miss him.

I’m trying really hard not to be an annoyance or a nag.  I know he’s under a lot of stress, and I don’t want to add to it.  I’m really happy he has a job.  I have a lot of respect for the fact that he works as hard as he does.  And I’m super happy that inventory doesn’t take place more frequently than it does.

Worried? Stressed? Filled With Anxiety? Join the Club.

Published February 7, 2014 by Malia

Mom says that when I was born, I had this worried little look on my face.  Apparently it was such a good impression of my dead great-grandmother, it earned me the instant nickname, “Little Wilma.”  (Wilma was the dead great-grandmother, and apparently was a bit of a worrywart. I felt I should probably clarify that).  I didn’t used to think I deserved the nickname.  Lately, though, I’m starting to think I do.

A few years ago, I went through the terrifying experience of being unemployed for over a year (after being employed at what I thought was a long term job for 3.5 years).  It was at the end of that year that I went back to school for a year and a half.  The time from when my last “real” job ended until I was employed at my current job was two and a half years.  It was a horrible time in my life, especially the first year when I was job hunting.  I came to believe that I was the most worthless waste of space on planet Earth.  It didn’t help that there’s was this constant thought in my head that I didn’t even deserve to have a roof over my head.  Even now, I’m very aware of the fact that I should have been homeless.

When I got hired at my current job, I was so excited.  It was my dream job.  Working in a lab.  Wearing a lab coat.  Being an integral part of the medical community, but not having to actually deal with patients (just, y’know, what comes out of their bodies).  Even now, just over a year there, I still get excited that I get to work there.  However, with the excitement comes a whole slew of other emotions.

I’m really scared and stressed out.  Every day, I’m filled with panic because I love my job so much, and I don’t want to lose it.  And the funny thing is, that’s not even something I’m looking at having happen.  Everything has been really good.  My co-workers are great.  My boss is great.  The work is fantastic.  My last job and those years of unemployment just messed me up so bad, I’m really struggling.  I have a co-worker that has told me, more than once, that I need to “lighten up,” and I wish I could tell him how badly I want to be able to.

Not only that, but I wish I could figure out how to lighten up.  I’ve basically got six years of baggage hanging over my head that I’m trying to figure out how to deal with.  I really want to be able to let down my guard and start letting my co-workers in, because right now I’m not sure I seem to terribly different from the Ice Queen, Lady Mary.

And now this story takes a twist…

Published November 27, 2012 by Malia

I’ve really been debating whether to write about what’s going on.  Since I’ve found writing this blog to be therapeutic, I’m going to go ahead and lay it all out there.  

This has been quite a difficult semester.  First there was the diagnosis of fun diseases (and by fun I mean super duper crappy type of fun), and then I got to start taking medicine.  I went from being a girl who only took anything stronger than ibuprofen when she had dental work done, to be the girl who has to keep track of whether she’s taken her pills everyday.  On top of this the meds and the stress completely threw my sleep out of joint.  Added to this, there was a bout of depression that hit me, and I found myself in counseling.  All in all, it’s been a lot to handle.

The final straw came the day I headed home for Thanksgiving break.  I had a seriously unpleasant meeting with the financial aid department that pretty much sealed the decision that for now the best option for me is to go back home to Omaha.  

I was handling this nightmare semi-sanely while I was home over break, but when I got back to campus on Sunday night it really hit me hard.  I had no plans to be leaving school and moving back home this soon.  I have been crying a lot, and I’m super stressed and super overwhelmed.  I feel like I’m back two and a half years ago.  I’ve started job hunting again, and I feel like my world is just falling apart.

I’m sure it sounds stupid, but I’ve always been the good girl.  Always tried to do the right thing, and no matter how hard or little I try, everything I do falls apart.  I always fall for the wrong guy.  I just feel like such a screwed up mess.

 I know, I’m quite the drama queen.