Health

All posts tagged Health

I can’t sleep, so I might as well play Fallout.

Published May 10, 2021 by Malia

Kids, the insomnia is bad.  I even gave in and took the meds that normally help me sleep and so far…I’m wide awake.  I suppose I might be just the tiniest bit stressed about Thursday. 

That’s right, it’s surgery week!  We are officially in the homestretch. 

The more I think about it, the weirder this experience seems.  Kidney cancer.  The word cancer immediately brings to mind a whole list of awful components.  Chemo, long hospital stays, surgeries, death. And that’s just the first few things I can think of. I’m quite grateful that it seems the cancer had been caught before it spreads. The urologist told us that Tom’s not looking at anything like chemo or radiation for now. It’s very likely that if surgery goes well that will be all that’s needed. This last few weeks has been an overwhelming whirlwind.

This week feels crazy, and it hasn’t truly begun.

Just call us Sarek and Amanda.

Published May 3, 2021 by Malia

I’m going to be very frank with all of you. I’m not in a good headspace currently. Call it a pity party, call it being overwhelmed. I honestly don’t care what you call it. It’s probably all accurate.

Since the news regarding Tom has been made public, I’ve had a lot of people in my life make comments about how we’re being so strong, and how we have such a good attitude about all this. These are all incredibly kind things to say, and I know that they’re said with love. And to be fair, I am actually feeling fairly positive about the outcome of all this. That said…

I don’t think I’m strong. Currently, I’m exhausted, sad, and beat up. I feel like Tom and I are walking around with targets on us that the universe is taking full advantage of. Kind of like that old Far Side cartoon with the deer that had a target on it and another deer says, “Bummer of a birthmark.”

Even though my brain knows that there’s not much reason to be concerned about the surgery, and I know I can’t sway the outcome one way or another by how I feel, I’ve come to realize that I’m scared about it. I’ll be so glad when Tom is out of surgery and awake.

We have a joke in our house that Tom is a Vulcan and I’m a human (think Spock’s parents). He has very little emotion about anything, and it very rarely shows up. Whereas, I’m filled with all the emotions all the time.

I know they won’t officially diagnosed Tom with cancer until they have the kidney out and had a chance to do the lab work on the tumor. I know that as far as cancer goes, we’re not facing nearly as much scary stuff as so many do. Even so, it’s scary. Really scary.

Sorry I’m such a downer today. I promise to be a bit better tomorrow.

It’s been a long weird decade

Published December 31, 2019 by Malia

12/31/09. If you had asked me what my life would look like ten years in the future, I would’ve given you an answer that bears little resemblance to what actually happened.

How has it turned out? Let me see…

-I’ve lived in two different states.

-I’ve worked in two different medical labs.

-I got married.

-I discovered that I’m actually a dog person (I still like cats, but dogs are my favorite).

-I’ve discovered a genuine love of crafting.

-I’ve had two surgeries.

-I’ve had miscarriages.

-I’ve lost the best grandparents in the world.

-I’ve experienced evolution of relationships with both family and friends.

-I’ve learned to think for myself.

-I’ve learned hard truths about myself.

-I’ve been given gifts I never expected that have quite literally changed my life and given me back hope that I lost long ago.

Life has mountains and valleys. The last decade was filled with mostly valley, and as much as it hurt, as much as it tried to destroy me, I’m ending the decade able to say, “I’m still here.” I can’t say I’m ending the decade a better person, but I’m definitely ending it more self-aware and in touch with the world around me.

So, what about the next ten years? Honestly, I don’t know what life will look like a decade from now. If God gives me another ten years (which I really pray He does), I know that I don’t want to waste them. I don’t want to reach 12/31/29 and find that I’ve accomplished nothing. I do know that for the first time in my life I have a dream of something that I want to do, that’s not just a pipe dream (I know I’m being a bit vague, and I intend to flesh this out in upcoming posts). I know that I have certain talents, and I’ve got a calling on my heart to use those talents, and to give. I know what gives me joy, and what my purpose is. Now the trick is to dive in and not give into my fear of failure.

I survived the decade.

I want to thrive in the next.

So…Probably Not Pregnant

Published January 14, 2019 by Malia

(Okay, if you’re squeamish about words like period, then this post is probably one you want to avoid.)

I spent the first two weeks of this new year thinking I was pregnant.  All the symptoms were there, and then my period started on Saturday, so yeah…probably not preggers.

This isn’t the first time I’ve thought I was pregnant.  In fact I’ve even had a few times when the test has shown up positive, but it’s never lasted.  I’ve not been public about those pregnancies, mostly because I felt like such a failure.

This is the first time that I’ve genuinely felt both disappointed and thrilled when my period showed up.  The disappointment stems from knowing that this means more waiting.  The thrilled part comes from the fact that I’ve actually managed to have a normal cycle for one of the very few times in my life.

My heart has undergone a shift.  I’ve gone from being willing to be a mom but feeling unsure about whether I really wanted kids, to knowing that I genuinely want to be a mom, and not just because I know Tom wants to be a dad.  I’ve never bought into that idea that you’re not a family or complete without kids.  I’ve known for a long time that kids may be just out of the realm of possibility (thanks a lot, PCOS).  Our family was formed when we said, “I do.”  Children would just make our family bit bigger, and I suddenly find myself really wanting that.

Now, I find myself facing the fact that I absolutely must get healthy.  If I want to have a hope of a successful pregnancy, or of having an adoption agency being willing to even talk to us, I have to be mentally and physically healthy.

Back to the fields, you peasant!

Published January 3, 2019 by Malia

This Christmas, I received one of those 23 & Me DNA testing kits.  I hadn’t ever planned to get one, because I know that I’m not guaranteed super accurate results.  However, since it was a gift, I figured it didn’t hurt to give it a try.

Now, as far as ancestry testing goes, I’m expecting to see results that place me as being mostly European.  I’m definitely built like someone you’d expect to see working the fields hundreds of years ago.  From doing genealogy research, I know that there’s German, Czech, English, Scottish, Welsh, and Irish in my background.  I’m curious to see what results I get regarding Jewish, Mediterranean, and African ancestry.  I have my suspicions, but so far haven’t turned up anything concrete in my own personal research.

I have absolutely no idea what to expect from the health report.

I sent in the kit last week.  I don’t think I’ve ever intentionally spit that much in my entire life.  As of yesterday, according to the app, my specimen is currently in the genotyping stage.  Sometime between January 14th and the end of the month, I should have my results.

If you’ve done this type of testing, I’d be curious to hear what your experience was.  Did you find out anything surprising?  Meet any new family members?

I’ll fill y’all in once I get my report back.

I’m Grateful and Rageful

Published November 28, 2013 by Malia

I’ll get to the rage in a moment.  First, what I’m thankful for.

1.  Family.  Good times or bad, I love that I have a close family that is very supportive of each other.

2.  My excellent friends.  I’ve been very blessed with five wonderful women that I consider to be very dear friends.  Each one knows me, faults and all, and still lets me be part of their lives.

3.  My job.  A year ago, I never would have guessed that I was just weeks away from starting a job I truly love.  A job that I gladly go to, and that I truly enjoy.  Also, I have a really fantastic supervisor, and I’d be really lost without her.

4.  My love of reading, and the easy access to an almost unlimited supply of books that there is.

5.  The roof over my head.

6.  A working vehicle.

7.  Snapple.  Silly, I know, but it’s quite yummy.

8.  Doctor Who.  I love this “kid’s” show.  It’s smart, funny, and is something I can share with my family and friends.

9.  I’m generally healthy, and have much to live for and look forward to in this life.

Okay, so, it’s not so much rage as irritation.  Tomorrow is Black Friday.  I understand the theory behind the day.  It makes sense that businesses want to try to get in the black before the year ends.  However, and yes I know I’m not the only one saying this, it has gone from out of control to complete absurdity.  It used to be just one psycho day, but now it’s almost a full week.  How is  this okay?  Plus, it seems that there’s at least one death every year in connection with Black Friday shopping.  People’s lives should be of more value.  What does that say about this culture when possessions are held in higher esteem than a human being?  Don’t misunderstand me, I’m as greedy as the next person, but even I have my limits.

So, if you’re going to take part in the madness, remember that your fellow shoppers are human beings.  Remember that the people working in the stores aren’t making very much, aren’t getting to spend time with their loved ones (and have likely missed most and/or all of Thanksgiving), and being rude to them isn’t going to make things go any better for you.