Suicide

All posts tagged Suicide

When Life Feels Too Much

Published January 24, 2019 by ia84

I woke up at 4 a.m. this morning, and it took me until 9:30 a.m. to drag myself out of bed.  I’m struggling right now.  And it occurs to me that I’m probably not the only one.

If you are…

-Trying to figure out how you’re going to pay bills with money you don’t have

-Rationing your meds because even if you do have insurance, you can’t afford refills

-Eating as little as possible, cause groceries are an expense you can’t really afford right now

-Feeling strangled by your debts

-Stressed out because you keep trying to do things the right way, and life just keeps knocking you down

-A payment or more behind on your mortgage and/or bills

-Terrified your utilities are going to get turned off

-Wondering how you’re going to buy diapers

-Exhausted by your school loans

-Questioning how far your car can get on less than a quarter of a tank of gas

-Going through something I haven’t listed

-Feeling overwhelmed by everything, and considering just giving up

Then, let me say, you’re not alone.  I know there are a ton of people struggling right now. Please, don’t give up.  Eventually, things will get better.  I know that sounds like an empty platitude, but I’ve been down this road before, and I know that things will turn around.

If you’re genuinely considering ending it all, please reach out for help.  Call 1-800-273-8255 to reach the Suicide Prevention Lifeline.  If talking on the phone isn’t your comfort zone, text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.

And if you’re in a season of life where things are going along pretty smoothly, please be willing to be there for those around you who are having a rough time.

 

 

 

Oh Look, A Bandwagon…

Published August 13, 2014 by ia84

Growing up, my life was surrounded by death.  I’ve mentioned before that I grew up a pastor’s kid.   The first church my dad was a pastor in, was also the church the town mortician attended.  This meant my dad officiated A LOT of funerals.  In the four years we were at that church, I attended more funerals than most people will ever have opportunity to attend.  Then, when I was in junior high and high school, I regularly went to play Taps at veteran funerals.  (The perk of living in the middle of nowhere and being a trumpet player).  All of these experiences had a bit of weird impact on how I deal with death.  Mainly, funerals don’t freak me out, and death doesn’t terrify me.  I will admit that I can tend to be a bit callous about death.  It’s not intentional.  I have a very dark sense of humor, and on occasion I have cracked jokes that are in terrible taste, sometimes relating to death/dead people.  (Nothing beyond PG, but definitely in poor taste).

Most deaths don’t get much reaction from me.  People live, people die, more people are born.  It’s the circle of life…

Yeah, I went there…

The point is, death has been such a large part of my life, I tend to just accept it as something that happens.  When people die, I feel sympathy for their friends and family members they leave behind, but I’m afraid that sometimes I don’t feel very much beyond this about the dead person…

And yes, I do realize how horrible that makes me seem.

So, I was surprised by how sad I felt when I heard that Robin Williams had committed suicide.  I can count on one hand the amount of celebrities whose deaths have really made genuinely sad (Jim Henson, Charles Schultz, and Mr. Rogers, in case you’re wondering).

It would be very easy to sit here and judge him for selfishly giving into an “easy” out.  It would be easy to be angry that he willingly gave up a future, when there are millions who wish they could live for just one more day.

It would be easy, but it wouldn’t be right or fair.  I’m reminded of what Tolkien wrote, ““Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.”

I pray for those who are struggling with depression and who will witness this and think suicide might be their best plan.  As someone who’s been down that road, I can honestly say life does get better.

My heart aches for his family.  I grieve the laughs that will never be, and the talent that has been silenced.

Random Saturday Musings

Published December 30, 2012 by ia84

-So, today I was at Hancock Fabrics, and I looked up from whatever it was I was looking at and noticed a couple of people at the end of the aisle.  Normally, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but what drew my attention was that two of them were wearing the Fourth Doctor scarves.  (Two different versions.)  They turned out to be pretty cool, and randomly meeting fellow Whovians totally made my day.

-I’ve yet to hear back from the job I interviewed with last week.  They told me they’d let me know one way or another by the end of this week.  I’m hoping that they simply forgot to figure in the fact that Christmas was this week, and I’ll hear something next week.  I’ve been in full blown panic since last night.  I know I shouldn’t worry, but being jobless is not something I handle brilliantly.  Plus, I really want the job at the lab, and the longer I have to wait to find out if I got the job makes me more and more stressed.

-The flu has been bouncing around our home since Christmas Eve.  It finally attacked me this afternoon.  Hopefully it’s about run out of steam.

-I’m super excited about the S Loom I got for Christmas.  I do loom knitting, and I’ve been drooling over the S Loom for a couple of years now.  I’m really bad at stitching panels together to create a blanket, so the S Loom was really appealing to me because it allows me to make blankets without having to mess with the stitching of panels.

-So, I’m not sure if I stumbled across something really incredibly stupid, or the most brilliant money-making scheme ever.  Yesterday, I was at the grocery store and one of the freezer endcaps had a deal featured that was if you bought 6 Lean Cuisines you got either a free pack of Skinny Cow ice cream treats or a free container of Edy’s ice cream.  Now, I thought people at Lean Cuisine because of the weight brought on by eating things like Edy’s.  However, if the person on the diet eats the Edy’s, they’ll gain weight and need more Lean Cuisine.

-Yesterday, I went to the Joslyn, and was once again confronted with the fact that while I really love art, I just don’t get modern art.  There was a piece of paper that was painted with a rectangle of black and a rectangle of grey.  Those were the only things on that piece of paper, and it was hung proudly on the wall.  I’m confused.  What about that makes it art?  I grew up believing that art was something you put your heart and soul into.  Maybe the artist is obsessed with rectangles.  I can’t think of any other reason that makes it make sense.

-I was introduced to Spotify this week.  It’s what I’ve always wanted Pandora to be.  I like that if I’m in the mood to hear a specific song, Spotify will play said song, and not one that it judges to be similar.  Although, I’m really hating that tonight Spotify is insisting on playing Trojan commercials every single time it goes to a commercial break.

-I can’t believe it’s almost 2013.

-Tonight I realized that the relationship of Sherlock and John on Sherlock is exactly like that of Sheldon and Leonard on Big Bang Theory.  John is Sherlock’s filter.  He’s the one who keeps Sherlock in check.  This is pretty much what Leonard does for Sheldon.

-Speaking of Sherlock, !!!!!!!!HERE BE SPOILERS!!!!!!!  I’m still trying to figure out how he survived suicide.  Obviously, he did, but how.  Mom’s theory is that there was a mask that he put over Moriarity’s face.  Possible, but it’s still bothering me that we were shown someone alive standing on the edge of the roof moving around.  I know that Molly had to have helped him cook up some solution, but I still can’t quite put my finger on what it is.