Sad

All posts tagged Sad

A Comedy of Errors

Published June 23, 2014 by ia84

I’m sure that this will be funny in a few days, but right now I just feel sad.  This morning, I got up and exercised.  I napped (wasn’t feeling very good, and I knew it would be a late night because we were short staffed at work), and then had lunch with my parents.  After that I showered and got ready for work.  And then I looked at my phone for the first time since getting up.  I had missed a text from the boy.

And then I was sad.

Normally, this wouldn’t make me sad, but he’s been super busy at work.  They’ve been gearing up to do inventory (which takes place this week), and so I’ve not seen him in a week.  Sadly, if I had actually checked my phone earlier in the day, I would’ve gotten to see him today.  Which is why I’m sad.  I miss him. Which is not the easiest thing in the world to admit, because I like to pretend I’m a lot tougher than I am.  Doesn’t change the fact that I miss him.

I’m trying really hard not to be an annoyance or a nag.  I know he’s under a lot of stress, and I don’t want to add to it.  I’m really happy he has a job.  I have a lot of respect for the fact that he works as hard as he does.  And I’m super happy that inventory doesn’t take place more frequently than it does.

Difficult Anniversaries

Published April 18, 2014 by ia84

I realized a few days ago that the last time I attended Good Friday service was in 2011.  My aunt’s church was doing this living Last Supper thing.  It was actually pretty cool.  It was a drama, where the actors did a tableau of DaVinci’s last supper, and each character got to explain which disciple he was, and talk about his role in the story.

As usual, my grandparent’s were in town for Easter, and they went with us to the presentation.  I knew Grampa wasn’t feeling fantastic, but he was determined to go to church that night.  The next day, Saturday, he got progressively worse; and that evening,  my aunt took him to the ER.

I spent the better part of that Easter Sunday with my family in the ICU.  Grampa was in really rough shape, and we really thought that was the end of the road.  It wasn’t, but it was the definite beginning of the end.  He passed away in July of 2012.

The month and a half following that Easter Sunday, I spent a good portion of almost every single day at the hospital and then at the rehab center (after he was released from the hospital).  Looking back, it was a surreal, but incredibly educational experience.

Anyway, like I said, that was the last Good Friday service I went to.  Now, I love Easter.  Being a Christian, the holiday has a lot more meaning for me than just bunnies and chickens and chocolate (however, I never turn down chocolate).  This year I realized that I’ve made zero effort to try to get to Good Friday service since 2011, and I think I’ve finally narrowed down why.  That service in 2011, was pretty much the last time I saw my Grampa even be close to his old self.  Watching him get sicker and constantly waiting for the inevitable phone call was overwhelming.

It’s a weird to think of it as an anniversary, but it is.  And, this year, it’s not one I’m handling terribly well.  I’m really sad.  I miss people in my family being healthy.  I miss my Grampa.  I even miss being a pastor’s kid (although, I’m not sure I’ll ever stop thinking of myself as a pastor’s kid.  I spent 19 years as one, it’s a part of me that I can’t separate from).

Eventually, I’ll go to Good Friday service again, but not this year.

Dear Blog,

Published October 25, 2012 by ia84

I’ve been neglecting you.  I’m sorry.  I’ve been so wrapped up in my thoughts and emotions and general madness that is my life, I’ve not spent any time working on you.  This isn’t really fair to you.

The truth is, I think I’ve been hiding from you.  I didn’t want you to see how much I’ve been struggling or how sad I’ve felt.  I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.  It’s silly, though.  You know, as well as I do, that life’s not fair, and sometimes it seems easier to just hide.

So, I’m back.  Good, bad, or downright ugly, daily posts are coming back.  How else will you know what’s going on with me, my weight, and the things I’m so easily entertained by?

Until tomorrow…or later today…whichever comes first…

-Malia

Bad Day

Published October 3, 2012 by ia84

Okay, so most of today was really rotten (pretty much everything before 6:30).  It was my breaking point after several days of not feeling well and just feeling sad.  Not depressed.  I had no desire to do myself in or anything like that.  There was just this sadness brought on by a variety of things (including the fact that I’m starting to realize that our family really has lost a member, and life is going to be different).  Then, there was this epic moment when I went to get lunch, and as I was about to pour my drink, my tray slipped and tray, food, and dishes all went tumbling to the ground, making sure to completely cover my jacket and pants.  I was already a basket case at that point, so I pretty much ran from the cafeteria.  Fortunately, no one clapped.  This was surprising, because I don’t think I’ve ever been in there when a tray goes down and there is no clapping.  I’m particularly thankful there was no clapping, because I think I would’ve started crying right there, instead of crying once I got back to the dorm.  However, it may take me awhile before I can face that dining center again.  I may try the other two on campus.

On the bright side, the evening totally made up for the rest of the day.  At one point I was informed that I’m Rapunzel from Tangled.  There was a lot of laughter, and that definitely helped buoy the spirits.

And in a few hours, snow will be here.