Boyfriend

All posts tagged Boyfriend

Brain Mush

Published October 17, 2014 by Malia

I’m currently on Day 5 of not seeing the boy.  Normally, there’s a 3-4 day break between seeing each other every week.  However, this week, the boy is working nine days straight, which means the break between seeing each other is going to be six or seven days.  While I’m proud of him for being a grown-up and a hard worker, I’m really pathetic, and I miss him quite a bit.  Normally, I hit this pathetic level around day 3.

Wait…mom’s probably going to read this at some point…and she will point out that I start whining about missing him on day 1 of not seeing him.

I’d say I’m in in boy withdrawal, but that sounds too Twilight.  We are definitely not Twilight.  I may be as clumsy as Bella, but I hope and pray I’m not that shallow and vapid.  Plus, no one in their right mind would ever accuse me of vegetarianism in any form.

And now I realize that I’m really rabbit trailing, and I really do have something I want to write about.

I’ve been noticing lately that when I’m around the boy, I kind of turn into an idiot.  See, this is how my brain normally is…

It’s all active, and mostly working normally.  I’m able to communicate with most humans on some level.  I’m capable of intelligence, and on special occasions I’m witty.

Now, when I’m around the boy my brain does this…

 

 

 

 

I have no idea how it happens.  He’s smart.  I’m smart.  We’re two intelligent grown-ups.  I’m crazy about him, and for some reason that means I go from intelligent to babbling ditz in less time than it took to read this sentence.  I think the good part of my brain gets locked up by the bad parts of my brain, but it can still see the train wreck that is coming out of my mouth…and I’m pretty sure it hates me for it.  I will be spewing absolute nonsense, and I can practically hear the intelligent part of my brain (the part that’s locked up) screaming, “What?!  Where did that come from?  Why would you ever say that?  Do you have any idea how idiotic you sound right now?  Are you attempting to make a joke?  You know that wasn’t funny, right?”

For some reason, it gets even worse when I try to be funny.  I’ll make some joke about something stupid, but because I’m actually trying to be funny, it doesn’t come across as funny.  Apparently, I only have good delivery when I’m not trying.  For example, last weekend I made a joke about how the boy totally needed a mirror ball to hang from his ceiling of the living room, and painting the walls hot pink and the ceiling black would absolutely complete the room.  It was a joke.  A terrible joke, that I may have brought up one too many times over the weekend.  I’m pretty sure it was never that funny, and I’m also relatively certain the boy is never going to trust me with any interior decorating.  Which is a shame because I really do have excellent taste.

I’m really hoping it’s not just me.  I truly hope there’s a whole group of intelligent women who turn into Brain Slugged idiots around their boyfriends.

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The Swimsuit Is Not The Enemy

Published July 27, 2014 by Malia

Have you seen the thing floating around Facebook lately?  The thing where you’re supposed to post five pictures of yourself that you think make you feel beautiful, and then you’re supposed to tag your friends?  Yeah, that thing.  So far, I’ve been tagged twice.

Lucky me.

That was sarcastic, in case you couldn’t tell.  The boy is right, there totally needs to be a sarcasm font.

Anyway…I find this concept difficult because for as long as I can remember, I’ve honestly never felt beautiful.  Photographs just make me feel even worse about myself.   This isn’t me fishing for people to say things to make me feel better about myself, I’m just stating a fact.   From what I can tell, I’m not terribly different from other human females when it comes to how I see myself.

Last night, though, I had a bit of a paradigm shift.  A few friends on Facebook has posted a link to an article, and the title got me curious enough to read it: Exposed by My Children for What I Really Look Like.  Even though I don’t have kids, the self-loathing the author describes is something I can definitely relate to.  What I couldn’t relate to was how the author was able to see the good things along with the negative things.  The more I thought about it, though, the more I came to realize that I’m cheating myself out of a lot in life by only seeing the negative.  The flaws are going to be there.  They just are.   That doesn’t mean that I should run away from doing the things I love.  Things like swimming.

I want to go swimming.  I adore swimming.  I spent my whole childhood wishing and wishing I had a pool, and now that I live in a complex with one available 24 hours, I avoid it all costs because I hate myself in a swimsuit.  I hate how I look in one.  I hate other people seeing me in one.  I think child me is probably pretty disappointed in grown-up me.  And I don’t blame her.

So, I’m going to learn to love myself and accept how I look.  I’m going to look in the mirror every morning when I’m bleary-eyed and my hair is a bed-head disaster and say, “I am beautiful, I am lovely, I am precious, and I have value and worth.”

Oh yeah, here’s the 5 photos.  I’m forcing myself to use photos from the last 5 years, which considering how much I hate photos was a bit of a challenge coming up with 5 of them.  (Also, I’m relatively certain that as much as I love the people in the photos with me, they may not be thrilled that I’m highlighting them like this.  But them being in the photo with me is part of what makes me feel beautiful)…

1.  This is not a great quality photo, but I really love it.  I love these beautiful ladies.

2.  This picture was taken a few years ago when all of us ladies were heading different directions in our lives, and we weren’t 100% sure when we’d all see each other again.

3.  Okay, I really do love this picture.  This was when we were praying over my “sister” right before she walked down the aisle.  That was a good day 🙂

4.  I think mom kinda hates this photo, but I love it.  This was taken about 3 months after we almost lost her.  She was still recovering, and looks much healthier now.  But when this picture was taken, I was so glad I still had her, that was what was most important.

5.  Of course, it’s a picture with the boy.  It’s true, he exists!  He’s not just a figment of my imagination.  This is from Free Comic Book Day, last May.  He’s the Dread Pirate Roberts, and I’m a brunette Buttercup.  Also, fun fact, this is (as far as I know) the only photo of us that exists.  Hardly surprising considering how camera shy we both seem to be.

 

 

The Dentist Curse

Published May 7, 2014 by Malia

I’ve not written in a couple of weeks because there hasn’t been much to talk about.  The most interesting parts of my life are work and the boy.

I would write about work, but there’s this whole “HIPPA” thing that I don’t want to be in violation of.  So, all the entertaining/irritating/funny/wtf moments that happen there are going to continue to remain confidential.

I could write about the boy, but I’m relatively certain most people do not want to read yet another post talking about how fantastically wonderful he is.  The fact that he puts Gravity Falls on the DVR for me so I can get caught up, and then willingly watches it with me (even though he’s all caught up) kind of makes me melt inside.  And that’s just the tiniest tip of the iceberg of how awesome he is to me.  He actually listens to me, even when I’m rambling on and on about something completely ridiculous.  He was even willing to go as the Dread Pirate Roberts for Free Comic Book Day just so I could go as a princess (I put in a showing as a very brunette Buttercup.  Realized to my horror, after the fact, that I was doing a better Sansa Stark cosplay than a Buttercup cosplay).  I’d be lying if I said I’m not feeling some very deep emotions regarding the boy.  But like I said, I doubt people really want to read another post about this kind, gentle, patient, sweet gentleman.  (In case you think I’m laying it on really thick, I’m barely doing the man justice.  He really is amazing.)

So, apart from those two things, life has been pretty quiet.  However, yesterday something finally fell into my lap that I thought, I should totally write about this.  See, yesterday I learned that I am apparently cursed when it comes to my dentist.  To begin, let me give some background information.

Back in 2008, I had a dental emergency, and found myself visiting a new dentist (the one I had gone to previously was absolutely awful).  The new dentist, we’ll call him Dr. G, was brilliant.  From then until 2010, I saw him anytime I had a teeth emergency, and he was always awesome.  Always worked with me and my budget, and did everything in his power to not make it such a terrifying experience.

In 2010, I had a tooth that needed work, and went to see him.  He came up with a treatment plan, and I needed to save some money before I could have the work done.  When I went back a month later, I learned to my horror, Dr. G had left the practice.  Another dentist ended up completing the work.  He was nice enough, but just not as good of a dentist.

In 2012, my parents needed to go to the dentist, and they actually found out that Dr. G had moved to another practice in town.  They went to see him and all was well.

When I had to have my root canal, back in March, Dr. G was who I went to see.  He did an amazing job (the root canal was over with before I even realized it had been officially started).  I had an appointment 2 weeks ago to have the temporary crown removed and the permanent one placed.  The day of my appointment, I showed up to the clinic, and was informed that Dr. G was out of town and Dr. S would be seeing me.  I was nervous about this.  Dr. S did a quick check and found that Dr. G did his crown prep differently.  Dr. S told me that since I wasn’t having any problem with the temporary, it would probably be better to wait until Dr. G was back in town to have the permanent applied.  He was concerned that since his way of setting the crown was different, I might start having problems with the permanent wanting to come loose.  I was okay with this, and really glad for the honesty.

Yesterday, I got a call to remind me about the appointment I had for today.  The call started with me being told, “Um…Dr. G has left our practice with no warning, so you’ll be seeing Dr. S.”  Fortunately, Dr. S had called Dr. G and found out how best to place the permanent.

So, if you’ve managed to follow all that, you’ll see that I have managed to have the same dentist bail on me twice now.  The boy referred to the situation as a sign.  And I’m afraid I have to acknowledge that he is probably right.  I’m going to just have to let Super Dentist go bye-bye (he really was the most amazing dentist I’ve ever encountered.  Even my parents would agree and they’ve had loads more dental work done than I have).  Fortunately, I really liked Dr. S, so here’s hoping he doesn’t quit the practice before he’s supposed to do my filling.

Otherwise, I’ll have to assume I’m cursed…

I’m Gonna Be 16 For A Minute

Published February 25, 2014 by Malia

Tonight, after work, I got to go have pie…with my boyfriend!  And he even realizes that I refer to him as that.  Which makes it totally more awesome, and makes me sound like a teenager.  And I’m okay with all of that.

I’m 29 and I have a boyfriend. My first boyfriend.  I’ve never actually been in an official relationship before, so this is all really new to me.  Which explains the fact that apparently I’ve been smiling a lot and giggling about the dumbest stuff on a pretty regular basis.  I’ve never actually gotten to use the words “boyfriend” “girlfriend” in any relation to my personage before.  It’s new, and really kind of wonderful.

You know what I’m really enjoying?  The communication.  There are no games.  He knows that I had a freak-out moment last Thursday, and that didn’t freak him out.  (Which is good.)  He doesn’t talk down to me, and he listens to me.  Even to my disgusting work stories.

About that freak-out last Thursday.  I have a fear of being happy, and I tend to sabotage any possibilities of happiness.  Yeah, it’s as messed up as it sounds.  I fear that if I am happy, it will all go away immediately, and I’ll be left devastated.  I’ve had plenty of experiences to back up this fear.  Which makes it really hard to get beyond.  Last Thursday, I found my brain playing the game of “Yeah, you’re happy now, but just wait, it’s all going to be gone so very, very soon.”   I ended up talking this out via text with my “sister” (she’s my sister, just not by blood).  I related to her my fear that I was going to sabotage this.  As I was venting out my feelings a thought occurred to me.  Is God still God, still in control, and still good, if I do get hurt again?  I thought on this for a long while, and finally acknowledged that the answer is “yes”.  This led to the thought, “I am the daughter of the most high King, and He wants good things for me.”  All the leading I’ve received from Him leads me to believe that this relationship really is of Him and really is a good thing.  Ever since I acknowledged to myself that I really do believe that God wants good things for me, I’ve had complete peace about this relationship.  And I’m not even worrying that much that I might do something to ruin it.

So, I’m going to enjoy getting to say that I’m a girlfriend (even though, I really have no idea how one goes about being a girlfriend), and I’m going to do my best to live in the present.  Enjoy the time I get to spend with this man, and be patient.  God’s timing is perfect, and I’m going to enjoy being happy and at peace.

Another year older. Another year more immature?

Published November 25, 2012 by Malia

Today (11/24) was my 28th birthday.  My mother threatened to come in my room at 2:35 a.m. (the time I was born) and recreate the phone conversation from City Slickers.  If you’ve never seen the film (and you really should), here’s the conversation I’m referring to:

Anyway, thankfully she waited until 8 a.m. to deliver the “angel birthday girl” speech.  (My mom is fantastic, ya’ll wish you had a mama as awesome!)  Overall I had a wonderful day.  I did some epic yarn shopping (and I do mean epic), and am ready to make a pile of hats.  My parents and I went to see Wreck-It Ralph.  It was cute, but definitely not the best animated film I’ve ever seen.  It felt a bit slow, but I did enjoy all the nostalgic parts of it.  I got to have lunch at Red Lobster, a big treat in my family, and the shrimp & scallop alfredo was amazing as always.  My birthday cake was cheesecake (yes, it was a really naughty day for a diabetic, but hey you’re only 28 once), and I the piece I had was pumpkin and soooooo delicious!

Tonight I saw two films I’ve never seen before, but did own (I’m kind of bad about buying movies I want to see when I find them for cheap at Walmart or Half Price Books).  First, we watched Gremlins, which is a wonderful Christmas movie.  Then, I watched Poltergeist.  Yeah, definitely a film I don’t want to watch all the time, but it was a pretty great film.  Gets in your head, though.

Wow, 28.  It seems like such a big number.  I still feel like a teenager, and have no intention of trying to feel old.  I learned last week that my future plans are being thrown out the window.  I’m okay with this, though.  I need to get better at adjustment, and this is just another way to learn that.  Sure, it terrifies me, but at least I don’t have to face it alone.

I announced on Facebook tonight the fact that my birthday wish this year is that God would bring someone into my life.  I know I don’t need a man in my life, but I’ve spent 28 years as a single woman, and I’m perfectly fine if I reach 29 and still have no boyfriend experience.  I just don’t want to be alone anymore.  There are so many different kinds of being alone, and I’m certainly surrounded by family and friends and I appreciate it; but I don’t have anyone that (for back of a better descriptor) is my “special someone.”  I’m sure it sounds silly and selfish.  I should probably be wishing for world peace or something epic like that.  Anyway, this isn’t me demanding God give me a boyfriend, I’m just wishing and hoping that there’d be some indication that I’m not going to be single forever (how’s that for being a dram queen?).

I’m headed back to school tomorrow, and right now I’m trying to figure out where my iPod might be.  I had it with me when I came home, so I know it’s here somewhere I’m just not sure where.  Then I have 19 days until I’m home for good.