Vulnerable

All posts tagged Vulnerable

It’s Okay To Be Vulnerable

Published July 26, 2014 by Malia

Last Tuesday marked 5 months of being in a relationship.  I’ve been trying to figure out what to say regarding how things are going, but everything I’ve written has just laid there, sounding trite and cliche.  I do know that for the first time, in a really long time I can honestly say that I feel happy.  5 months in, and I still get butterflies every time I get to see the boy, or even just get a text from him.  He’s so very good to me.  I love that he will do things like save an episode of Batman for me on the DVR because it had Liberace playing not one, but two villains (and yes, it is my new favorite episode of Batman).  I love that he’s willing to just sit with me after an insane day at work, and just let me ramble on ridiculously and never makes me feel bad about it.    I love that we can watch Phineas and Ferb and never once does the question come up, “Don’t you think we’re a little too old to be watching a cartoon?” come up (Answer: No, no we’re not.).  Speaking of Phineas and Ferb, I think it’s adorable that we both loved it and Gravity Falls long before we started dating.  Just seems like a sign that we are made for each other.

See, I said it would sound really cheesy.  Oh well, I haven’t had enough cheese in my life in the last several years.  I had this carefully constructed shell built up around my heart that nothing could get through.  In the last five months, I’ve been learning that it’s okay to let the shell be non-existent.  It’s so exhilarating (and terrifying, but totally in a good way) to let my heart  be free.  Being vulnerable is really, really hard, but with the right person, it’s worth it.  I think C.S. Lewis said it best…

 

 

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Let It Go

Published March 4, 2014 by Malia

Last night I did something I haven’t done in almost a decade.  I sang, solo, in public.  I don’t know if I did well or really terrible.  I don’t exactly trust the opinions of drunk people.  I should mention that I wasn’t drunk.  All I drank last night was a soda, no alcohol in it.

And I just realized how off track I’m getting.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how I was finding myself singing pretty much all the time.  I also mentioned that it had been a long time since that had happened.  Last night, I went to karaoke, and finally got my gumption up to go pick a song and put myself in the queue.  I picked Skyfall, because it’s one of my very favorite songs, and I decided that if I was going to fail, I was going to do it on a pretty epic scale.

When my turn came, I got the microphone, and as the first line passed my lips, something incredible happened.  The fear, the lack of confidence, the overwhelming insecurity that has hounded and haunted me for the last ten years vanished.  My voice was there, and it was strong (like I said, don’t know if it was good or not, but there was definitely some power there).  For the first time, in a really long time, I suddenly didn’t care what anyone thought of me.

Something inside me has started to break free, and it’s pretty fantastic.  I’m starting to unlock parts of me that I’ve kept locked up for years because of fear and hurt and fear of being hurt.  I struggle with the idea of being vulnerable, but I think it’s time I am.