selfish

All posts tagged selfish

Nice coffee tables are for holding Lego’s, right?

Published August 30, 2016 by ia84

An actual conversation that happened last week:

Me: I was out today running errands, and LITERALLY  every single woman I saw was either pregnant or had a pile of small kids or both.  I honestly think we’re having all the sex, and everyone else is getting pregnant.

The Boy: That’s not how it works.

Me: No, I’m pretty sure it is.  Like, three people announced on Facebook today that they’re pregnant.  So, yeah, I’m sticking with this argument.

The Boy: You’re saying that the sperm and the egg leave here and go elsewhere and other people get pregnant?

Me: Yes.

The Boy: Again, that’s not how it works.

Me: You don’t know!  I’m the medical professional, this is totally how it works!

After that, the conversation slipped into further nonsense.

Here’s the thing, I honestly am happy for all y’all that are gettin’ preggers and poppin’ out babies.  I really am.  Please don’t think that I’m not.  I’m sorry if I  cry or seem not as enthused as everyone else (I try really hard not to do that except when I’m alone or with the boy).  And please, please, please don’t ever keep it from me that you’re expecting because you’re afraid it’ll make me sad.  I’m 98% happy for all you expectant mamas.  There’s just this annoying 2% of me that is a little jealous and a little sad.  That’s fair, though, right?  I can be 2% selfish.

So what do you do when your baby making parts aren’t magic?  You build Lego sets.  Lego sets with dragons and elves.  Seriously, it’s excellent therapy.

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And now these sets are living on my coffee table, because they’re pretty and they make me happy.

How To Talk To Other Human Beings

Published February 1, 2014 by ia84

Does anyone know?

I used to be mildly successful at this, and tonight I realized that I’ve gotten really rusty.  It doesn’t help that I spend most of my waking hours focused on things that come out of the body and what kinds of tests can be performed on them.  Plus, most of the things I’d want to talk about are censored by HIPAA.

The thing is, I want to be able to talk to people and not come off sounding obsessed with myself.

So, I guess it’s back to Social Skills 101 for me.  Because, while it’s fun to be weird and quirky; it’s also important to be able to converse with normal human adults about things that you don’t need to see a doctor for.

Douche-nozzle is a word, right?

Published February 28, 2013 by ia84

Oh my, it’s been a bit of a time since I last updated.  The main reason is that I’ve had very minimal internet access, and I was super sick.  Combined, these things equaled no blogging.  I think I’m back to regular updates now.

Apart from being ill, interesting things have happened since I last wrote.  I went on a date!  It’s true.  I’m not making this up.  Granted, it was mostly a blind date, but the main point is that I got asked out, and I actually went.

The date happened this past Sunday, and I had a great time.  We met at the Durham Museum, and then went out for Mexican.  Despite the fact that I was prepared for it to be super awkward (it’s a first date, could I expect different?), I felt like I had known this guy for a while.  I even realized that I could easily like him as more than a friend.  He seemed to have fun, and not to be totally uneasy in my presence, so I figured that all was well.

I can’t explain it, but come Monday morning, I started getting this real uneasy feeling.  My spider-sense was tingling.  Based on nothing, my brain came up with this thought, “He’s never going to want to see you again or have anything to do with you.”  I tried to push this thought aside, but it kept bugging me.  I got really down during work, but I just blamed it on my meds.  What I take for my diabetes, makes emotions a little more severe.  Happiness can turn into being ecstatic, and feeling a little down can turn into a black pit of despair.

Yesterday, Tuesday, morning, I awoke to an email from this guy.  It was my first contact with him since Sunday evening when I texted him to thank him for taking me out.  I won’t share the e-mail, but let me share the real “highlight” of it.  He didn’t feel that “special spark” with me that he always promised himself he would feel with the person he is supposed to be with.

Really?

Really?

Special spark?

Hello!  That’s tons of pressure to put on a first date.  Especially one that was essentially blind.  We’d only communicated a few weeks before that.  So, all in all that was not even 10 emails, a few text messages, and a 2.5 hour date.  What did he expect?  That within minutes of meeting each other, we’d fall madly in love/bed with each other?  This guy didn’t want to go on a date in real life.  He wanted to go on a date in a movie!  Also, it really irks me that he made this decision based on a date that took place the day after he went to Beerfest and got fairly inebriated.  Yeah, in my experience, being hungover, even a little does not bode well for making solid choices.

Another thing, if you’re basing your choice for a life companion based on whether there’s a spark, that’s a really bad decision.  When I was growing up we lived in a house with a fireplace.  The thing I remember about sparks is that there are tons of them, they burn bright for a brief moment, and then are gone.  Who wants that?  Just because there’s an instant click, doesn’t mean that you should walk down the aisle together.  Even the best romances from fiction and tv are the ones based in friendship.  Elizabeth and Darcy hated each other to begin with, and yet they’re considered one of the most amazing love stories in literature.

All in all, the more I think about it, the more I realize what I disaster I got saved from.  He spent tons of time talking about himself and his friends and his cats.  It was all I could do to get a word in edgewise, and he certainly wasn’t interested in anything I had to say.

I guess the true positive is that I took a risk, something I’m not good at, and I gained some life experience.

Also, being the super-mature human being that I am, I may have spent a good portion of yesterday and today referring to this guy as a douche-nozzle.  Not a very polite moniker, but much kinder than anything else I felt like referring to him as.