Hi, it’s me.  We’ve met once.  You recently moved in, and you certainly seem nice.  I just have some questions…

Why are you opening and closing doors all night long?  How many times do you need to open and close your closet door at 2 a.m.?  Why are you even awake at 2 a.m.?  (For that matter, why am I awake at 2 a.m.?)  Are you awake?  Is this some sort of sleep-walking door opening/shutting thing you have?

Now, I realize that the one time we met, I told you that the walls are pretty thick, and we don’t hear much through them.  The last person who lived in your unit was a nice, quiet old lady.  The only time we heard a peep out of her was during Husker games.  This is Nebraska, so no much surprise there.  I don’t know if you took this all to mean that you could be super loud All. The. Time., or what.  I’m just confused as to how so much noise can emanate from down there.

Anyway, I hope that one day you’ll find what you’re looking for in your closet.

Love,

Your super tired, and possibly passive-aggressive upstairs neighbor