Skyfall

All posts tagged Skyfall

Let It Go

Published March 4, 2014 by ia84

Last night I did something I haven’t done in almost a decade.  I sang, solo, in public.  I don’t know if I did well or really terrible.  I don’t exactly trust the opinions of drunk people.  I should mention that I wasn’t drunk.  All I drank last night was a soda, no alcohol in it.

And I just realized how off track I’m getting.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how I was finding myself singing pretty much all the time.  I also mentioned that it had been a long time since that had happened.  Last night, I went to karaoke, and finally got my gumption up to go pick a song and put myself in the queue.  I picked Skyfall, because it’s one of my very favorite songs, and I decided that if I was going to fail, I was going to do it on a pretty epic scale.

When my turn came, I got the microphone, and as the first line passed my lips, something incredible happened.  The fear, the lack of confidence, the overwhelming insecurity that has hounded and haunted me for the last ten years vanished.  My voice was there, and it was strong (like I said, don’t know if it was good or not, but there was definitely some power there).  For the first time, in a really long time, I suddenly didn’t care what anyone thought of me.

Something inside me has started to break free, and it’s pretty fantastic.  I’m starting to unlock parts of me that I’ve kept locked up for years because of fear and hurt and fear of being hurt.  I struggle with the idea of being vulnerable, but I think it’s time I am.

Mugshot Monday~Week 3

Published April 1, 2013 by ia84

I’m so tired of calling it “Weight Loss Monday.”  So, instead, from here on out, it’s Mugshot Monday!  Camp NaNo, has officially started, so tonight’s entry is going to be short, so I can get back to my story.

This week, there wasn’t great victory on the scale.  However, my clothes are fitting way better, and I’m now up to walking four miles a day!  I think this next week will definitely show some loss on the scale.  My main victory was that I didn’t gain.

 

This was me on January 7th, 2013.

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This is April 1st, 2013.  I may just be seeing things, but I think my face looks like it’s got a little more shape.

 

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So, I’m 6.7 lbs away from Skyfall.  Here’s hoping that changes after this week!

Weight Loss Monday~Week 2

Published March 25, 2013 by ia84

No, you’re not reading the title wrong.  Yes, I did a series of these posts last fall, but honestly I fell off the bandwagon, and instead of picking up where I left off, it’s just easier to start again.  Since I forgot to post last Monday, I’m just starting where I’m currently at.

I decided to get serious about losing a few weeks ago when I realized just how much I’ve been using my weight as a protection against people.  I don’t want to be that person anymore.  Unlike last fall, I’m not trying to do this all on my own.  I’ve actually joined a weight loss program, and it’s requiring a lot more accountability than just doing blog posts.  The first week was rough, I did gain, but it wasn’t even a pound so I can’t be too upset.  I did, however, lose four pounds over this last week.  As of right now, here’s what my loss looks like:

3/9/13: First Check~110.3 lbs to go
3/16/13: Week 1~110.6 lbs to go (I gained?  How?)
3/23/13: Week 2~106.8 lbs to go (Yay!  I lost!  I bought The Hobbit to celebrate!)

I don’t have mugshots for tonight.  Still trying to figure out where to take them in my house.  I don’t have the room available to me that I had in my dorm room.  I’ll figure out something by next week, though, so I can update ya’ll on what I’m looking like.

One thing I’m trying this time is focusing on losing 10 lbs at a time.  110 lbs is really overwhelming and can seem quite impossible.  I plan to reward myself when I reach each 10 lb goal with a new movie.  When I reach 25, 50, & 75 lbs, I’ll be rewarding myself with seasons of my favorite tv shows.  Right now, I’m making my way towards Skyfall.  In order to afford this, I’m taking the money that I’d normally put into the work vending machine or fast food drive-thru and setting it aside.  Six more pounds and Skyfall is mine!

Random Saturday Musings

Published November 10, 2012 by ia84

-So, winter storm Brutus (our storm is named Brutus because letter a-Athena-is apparently hitting the East Coast pretty hard) has been a huge let down here.  It’s hit other parts of the state really hard, but all we’ve gotten is a rain/ice mix.  I’m not complaining too much, though, because I’m hoping to not have to drive through much snow when I head home in about a week.

-Apparently The Hobbit pre-sale tickets outsold the pre-sale tickets of both SkyfallBreaking Dawn 2.  I don’t care so much about it outselling Bond, but I’m super excited it outsold the (hopefully) final Twilight film.  There’s still hope for humanity!  Also, I say “hopefully final” knowing full well that the entire series will probably get remade in a few years.  Back to The Hobbit.  I’m so, so, so, so super, overwhelmingly excited to see it!  I’m so pumped I can’t hardly wait (but I have to, because it’s over a month until it comes out).  

-So, I’m behind on my NaNo.  I’m at 12,797 words, and I need to 16,666 today in order to get back on track.  That’s not quite 4,000 words, so shouldn’t be too hard to reach.  Right now, in Word, that’s showing up (with page breaks done for new chapters) as 47 pages in Pacifico font, and 37 pages in Times New Roman.  That’s 12 pt., single spaced.  (I’m writing in Pacifico because it looks like actual cursive, so I feel like I’m not just typing, but I’m writing.  I probably sound silly, but hey, it works.)  I can honestly say that I’ve never written this much on one subject in my entire life.  Even though my story is getting better, I know the beginning is an absolute travesty.  I desperately want to go back and re-do it, but I made a deal with Katy that neither of us would go back and re-read and undo until December.  It’s a good thing I made that deal.  It’s forcing me to really try to finish something.  I’m not very good at finishing things, so this NaNo is teaching me a very important lesson.

-Everyone seems to be having babies.  Seriously, I have three friends who all had babies within the last 48 hours.  I have friends who are due soon.  I have friends who’ve had babies in the last two weeks.

-I realized, as I was falling asleep last night, that I left my NaNo characters heading out into the outdoors on their journey.  This ought to be good, considering I’m not exactly Outdoors Woman.  While this issue really freaked me out last night, today I feel much more okay about it.  At least it’s not set on Earth, so I can be as creative as I want.

-This last Monday I was having a particularly down day, and I was feeling incredibly sad and hopeless.  I got an email in the middle of the day stating that I had a package in the mail room of the service center.  I immediately went over, because I knew I hadn’t ordered anything, so I couldn’t imagine what would be there.  To my shock, a family from my home church had sent me a care package!  It really did come at the perfect time, and it was so helpful.

-Okay, so this is kind of hard to admit to, but I started going to the campus counseling center a few weeks ago.  The gal who’s been treating me at Student Health thought it would be a good idea, since this whole chronic disease thing is a pretty bitter pill to swallow.  I figured, “Hey, it’s free, it couldn’t hurt.”  So, I started going.  I really wasn’t sure what to expect, but it’s actually been pretty good for me to talk to someone who’s neither friend nor family, but who I know isn’t going to go blabbing my issues all over the place.  (There’s a whole contract of confidentiality that legally keeps her from doing this.)  Anyway, this week I got assigned homework.  I’m supposed to come up with five good things about myself.  I think this homework was brought on by the fact that the week before we did my intake questionnaire  and when we got to the question, “What are good things about yourself?”  I sat there frozen, and finally came up with, “I’m punctual?”  Which, I am, but it’ a pretty sad state of affairs when the only good thing I can come up with about myself is that I’m on time, and when I state that fact I end up sounding like I’m questioning myself.  Of course, the following question in the intake was about what I didn’t like about myself, and the list I produced was quite long.  So, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching to try to come up with five things I honestly believe are true of myself and are also good.  I’m not sure why I’ve got such a low opinion of myself.  It’s certainly no one else’s fault.  My family has done nothing but remind me that they love me, and how precious and valuable I am to them.  I have friends who genuinely like me, so I know there’s got to be good things about me, I just have to learn to see them for myself.