Weight Loss

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You take the good, you take the bad…

Published January 2, 2018 by Malia

When we driving home from my in-laws on Christmas Eve I had this thought enter my brain, “Next year, there might be three of us.”  And for the next 48 hours I was in a pretty happy, pretty hopeful place.

No, I’m not pregnant.  I didn’t think I was.  But, there was this smidgen (and boy ,do I mean smidgen) of a chance, that in the next year I might be.

So here’s the deal, last Wednesday, I was supposed to have a surgery.  My doctor was going to shrink my stupid giant ovaries down to normal size by cutting wedges out of them.  There was no guarantee, but there was this chance that it’d undo a lot of my PCOS mess.  There was a chance that I’d actually be able to make some progress on the weight loss front.  There was even a chance that it’d make me a little less insulin resistant.  There was a chance it’d make the mystery pain go away, and that it would lessen my mood swings.  And…there was this chance that I could get pregnant and stay pregnant.  I was so excited.  I was weirdly calm.  I think I was so desperate for just one of those many things to be a little bit better that it outweighed the anxiety and fear I was also experiencing.

And then I went to my pre-op last Tuesday…

Picture it…9 a.m. the day after Christmas.  I got to my appointment, and things promptly went downhill.  My first warning sign came when I was going through my paperwork, verifying that they had my info correct, and noticed that they had down the doctor from my work’s employee health clinic down as my primary doctor (she’s nice and I have seen her in the last year, but she’s not my primary doctor, or even my ob-gyn).  I pointed this out, and the receptionist told me that she wasn’t able to change that, and that someone in the surgery center would need to fix it on the day of my surgery.  I remember feeling confused as to why she’d asked me to check to make sure everything was correct if she couldn’t actually change any of it.

I then got taken into the exam room.  Both the nurse and the anesthesiologist were either really annoyed they had to work the day after Christmas, or were super hungover, or both.  I just know that they were both in bad moods, and every time I tried to be even a little funny I got death glares from both parties.  First, the anesthesiologist was upset with me because of my diabetes and my difficulty keeping my blood sugars down.  Then, she was annoyed that I’m overweight.  To make it a trifecta, I frustrated her because I snore so I must have sleep apnea and I really need to be getting that treated.  I should probably be undergoing a sleep study (at least, according to her).  If I hadn’t been stressed and anxious before, I was at that point.  A great way to feel the day before surgery.  More than once the anesthesiologist informed me that I was ONLY having an elective procedure and I really wasn’t in any condition to have any elective procedure.  I kept thinking, “I’m not here for bigger boobs.  You know those things that you’re really frustrated and annoyed with me about?  This is a procedure that could actually make those things better.”

They drew my blood.  The anesthesiologist gave me many print outs (all about the health problems that she had concerns about), gave me another lecture about how I really shouldn’t be having an elective procedure, and I went home, my calm now tinged with a small amount of dread.

That evening, I was about to go flush out my system (yeah, that’s as nasty as it sounds), and I got a phone call.  From my doctor.  And it started with her saying, “I’m so sorry, I was so sad when I heard about tomorrow.  I was really looking forward to seeing you.”  (I should mention here that my doctor is a beautiful, kind, sweet woman who genuinely gives a crap and actually listens to me and I kind of love her.)

To which I replied, “What about tomorrow?”  Dread amount was no longer in the small category.

“Didn’t the hospital call you?  They said they called you.”

“No, they didn’t call me.”

Turns out that blood draw (the one that a week later I still have a bruise from), sent a result back that the anesthesiologist didn’t like.  And just like that, my surgery was cancelled.  The hospital called my doctor  while she was performing someone else’s surgery, and left her a message regarding the cancellation.  They gave me no chance to redo the tests, or to fight to stay on the schedule.

I felt like I’d been kicked in the gut.  The sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe something was finally going to get fixed in my body, was gone, at least for now.  I cried all that night.  I cried the better part of surgery day.  And then, I think my body just ran out of tears.  It’s now been a week, and I’m still hanging in there.  I’m disappointed that I have to shelve the surgery for now.  However, it’s not like it’ll never happen, and even if it doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world.  I have an amazing husband, adorable pets, precious nephews and a niece, and a collection of graphic novels that should keep me entertained for the next two years (possibly more, it’s amazing how cheap you can get them on Ebay.  The boy need not know how much I’m adding to our already large collection…).

And for now, I’m going to refuse to give up hoping that someday, in the future, I’m going to be a better, healthier me.

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Weighty Wednesday: Week 2~Marathon Queen

Published May 21, 2014 by Malia

I’m the queen of the marathon…the movie marathon that is.  As they say on How I Met Your Mother, if you don’t marathon Star Wars at least every three years, the Empire wins.  Personally, I think if you don’t marathon Lord of the Rings (the extended editions) at least once a year, then  Ring might as well have survived Mount Doom and be back on Sauron’s finger.  (I agree with the boy, there should be a statute of limitations on spoilers.  The books have been out over 50 years, and the movies have been out over a decade.  I refuse to put up a spoiler alert).

Here’s the thing, much as I’m into the couch potato marathon, everyone else in my age group seems to be into the marathon that requires actual running.  I’ll be honest, I don’t get it.  Everyone I know seems to constantly be going on an on about exercising and preparing for races and actually running races.  What’s really weird?  They actually seem to enjoy it.  It seems to make them feel good.  Now, I do get up and exercise five days a week.  I do it because it’s good for my health, and I’ve found that when I don’t exercise, joints start to hurt (I know that’s an old person thing to say, but it’ true).  However, I don’t enjoy exercising.  I don’t get any kind of high from the experience.  It’s just one of those things that must be done and so I do it.

So, I head into my second week.   I’ve worked on really keeping an eye on what I’ve eaten (helped that I had to have more dental work in the middle of the week.  Nothing like pain to make you eat less), and I’ve been exercising faithfully.  And…I’ve gained weight.  On the bright side, my t-shirts feel like they’re fitting a tiny bit looser (not my imagination, they totally are), so I’m going to rule this as a week where the scale doesn’t matter.  (Otherwise, I’ll start feeling super depressed and give up, which would be stupid, since I’ve only been at this a week).

Weight to Lose: 111.5 lbs.

Weight to Mini Goal: 12.5 lbs.

Weighty Wednesday: Week 1

Published May 14, 2014 by Malia

Before I get into this post, I have to correct something from my last post.  I misremembered (and, yes, I’m totally going to pretend that’s a word) the conversation I had with the boy about Jar Jar.  He’s the one who suggested that they mature slower.  The boy pointed this out to me, and since he has the better memory,  I’m going to go with his version instead of mine.  However, all the supposition and thought put into the theory mainly came from me.

Okay, now I feel better.  No longer unintentionally claiming thoughts that aren’t mine.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this whole weight loss thing.  There seem to be two schools of thought when it comes to losing the weight (at least among us bigger girls).  The first school of thought is that, “This is the size God made me, and ya’ll can just deal with it.”  The second is, “Love me the way I am, but support me as I work to get smaller.”  I definitely fall into the second group.  I know that those who love me the way I am now are people who genuinely love me.  However, I have a lot of respect for girls who are in the first group.  I know it’s not easy being on the bigger end of the scale, and it takes a lot of self-confidence to be able to stand proud and say, “This is who I am, and I’m not changing!”

So, I gave myself a week.  Kind of a last hurrah.  Ate junk food, didn’t really exercise, and started to try to do some mental prep for what I know is going to be a decently long journey.  In following weeks I’ll make sure my camera is actually charged and my hair isn’t gross, so that I can track my progress via picture.  For today, though, both of those things are working against me.  So, I’ll just list what my starting goals are, and next week, I’ll share my first week’s progress.

Weight to lose: 110.5 lbs.

Weight to lose until I reach first mini goal:  11.5 lbs.

And now I’m going to go wash my hair, because it really is gross.

 

18th Time’s the Charm, Right?

Published May 8, 2014 by Malia

I’ve spent the better part of the last decade trying to lose weight, and miserably failing at it.   But, for better or for worse, I’m giving it another go.  Yes, I do believe there’s a skinny girl inside me.  However, it really doesn’t help that said skinny girl simply adores cheesecake.  (And brownies, and nachos, and burgers, and, well you get the idea…)

There really isn’t much to this post, other than a general announcement that I’m giving weight loss another attempt.  I know Yoda said, “Do or do not, there is no try,” but I don’t think Yoda spent years fighting with a ton of extra weight.  However, if he did, that would be a movie I would totally watch.  I do know that the last time I saw any smidge of success with weight loss, it was when I was writing about it on here, so I’m going to give that another go as well.

Moving

Published May 3, 2013 by Malia

No, I’m not moving.  However, my Mugshot Monday posts are!  After much careful consideration, I’ve decided to give my weight loss journey it’s own blog.  This, however will remain my main blog (so keep coming here and reading this one).  It just occurred to me that as much as I’m struggling to lose, I’m sure there are plenty of others out there in the same boat, so why not share the nitty gritty of my struggle?   I’m currently setting up the new blog, and you should totally check it out when it goes live, later today!  Here’s the address:

losingomaha.wordpress.com

Alright, I’m off to finish making it pretty 😉

Mugshot Monday~Week 3

Published April 1, 2013 by Malia

I’m so tired of calling it “Weight Loss Monday.”  So, instead, from here on out, it’s Mugshot Monday!  Camp NaNo, has officially started, so tonight’s entry is going to be short, so I can get back to my story.

This week, there wasn’t great victory on the scale.  However, my clothes are fitting way better, and I’m now up to walking four miles a day!  I think this next week will definitely show some loss on the scale.  My main victory was that I didn’t gain.

 

This was me on January 7th, 2013.

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This is April 1st, 2013.  I may just be seeing things, but I think my face looks like it’s got a little more shape.

 

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So, I’m 6.7 lbs away from Skyfall.  Here’s hoping that changes after this week!

Weight Loss Monday~Week 2

Published March 25, 2013 by Malia

No, you’re not reading the title wrong.  Yes, I did a series of these posts last fall, but honestly I fell off the bandwagon, and instead of picking up where I left off, it’s just easier to start again.  Since I forgot to post last Monday, I’m just starting where I’m currently at.

I decided to get serious about losing a few weeks ago when I realized just how much I’ve been using my weight as a protection against people.  I don’t want to be that person anymore.  Unlike last fall, I’m not trying to do this all on my own.  I’ve actually joined a weight loss program, and it’s requiring a lot more accountability than just doing blog posts.  The first week was rough, I did gain, but it wasn’t even a pound so I can’t be too upset.  I did, however, lose four pounds over this last week.  As of right now, here’s what my loss looks like:

3/9/13: First Check~110.3 lbs to go
3/16/13: Week 1~110.6 lbs to go (I gained?  How?)
3/23/13: Week 2~106.8 lbs to go (Yay!  I lost!  I bought The Hobbit to celebrate!)

I don’t have mugshots for tonight.  Still trying to figure out where to take them in my house.  I don’t have the room available to me that I had in my dorm room.  I’ll figure out something by next week, though, so I can update ya’ll on what I’m looking like.

One thing I’m trying this time is focusing on losing 10 lbs at a time.  110 lbs is really overwhelming and can seem quite impossible.  I plan to reward myself when I reach each 10 lb goal with a new movie.  When I reach 25, 50, & 75 lbs, I’ll be rewarding myself with seasons of my favorite tv shows.  Right now, I’m making my way towards Skyfall.  In order to afford this, I’m taking the money that I’d normally put into the work vending machine or fast food drive-thru and setting it aside.  Six more pounds and Skyfall is mine!