Life

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Super Duper Secret Confession About My Glamorous Single Life

Published January 14, 2014 by Malia

Are you ready for this?  If you’re not single, you’re going to be TOTALLY envious!  Like, I mean, it’s, like, y’know that TOTALLY AWESOME!  Like totally.

Yeah, I really can’t pull off the Valley Girl talk.

Here it is…

My big secret…

I sleep in a loft bed…and it’s pretty much the greatest bed ever.  The only bed that would be better?  One that’s built into it’s own little cupboard, like in Santa Claus The Movie.

I was an only child, so bunk beds only became part of my life when I was at camp or visiting friends.  I learned early on that the top bunk was the best part of the bunk bed experience.  Also, you looked incredibly brave if you were willing to jump from the top bunk to the floor.  Who cared about the shooting pains that ran up your legs when you landed feet first on a concrete basement floor?  You looked brave and cool.

Well, a loft bed, is just the top bunk, and you can do whatever you want with the space underneath.  In fact, it opens up a lot of space in a room (especially if you have a long narrow room, like I do).  Yes, underneath the loft is a great place to store all the boxes that I am refusing to unpack, even though I’ve been home for over a year.  (Side note: yes, those boxes should be unpacked by now, but I have issues.)

Before I completely sell you on the concept of loft beds, let me point out that there is one giant negative about them if you are no longer a kid…

I always prided myself on my bladder control, and while that control has not lapsed, I’ve noticed in the last couple of years that if I drink things after ten p.m., I’ll find myself needing to get up in the middle of the night to find the bathroom (conveniently located across the hall).  When I’m awoken by this urge at three or four in the morning, I will usually lay in bed considering my options, arguing with my brain.

Brain: You need to pee.

Me:  Really?  I know I’m uncomfortable, but maybe if I ignore it, I can get back to sleep.

Brain: What kind of moronic idea is that?

Me: I don’t want to climb down the ladder, or stumble through my room in the dark.

Brain: You know, if you would clean this disaster area you call a room, it wouldn’t be such a scary thing to walk through it in the dark.

Me (in my best whiny inside my head voice): I’m an adult!  My room can be a mess if I want it to be!

Brain: Whatever.  Stop whining.  You need to pee.

Me:  I’m pretty sure I can just get back to sleep.  Just wish it didn’t feel like my bladder is going to explode.

Brain: You know that is a sign that you need to pee.

Me: Shut up and let me sleep.

Brain (impersonating Sheldon Cooper): Waterfalls…PEEING!

Me: You’re not quoting it correctly.

Brain: I don’t care, subliminal messaging…

Me: Crap, you win.

As you can see, it’s a very dramatic conversation to have in the wee hours of the morning.  And now, you all know that I’ve reached that magical point in my life where urinating has become a much larger part of my life than it used to be.  Also, I may have some unresolved issues regarding unpacking.

And no, I don’t know why I shared this little “gem” with the world.  At least I’m not making out with sledgehammers.

Life is but a dream

Published January 10, 2014 by Malia

I had some really weird dreams last night.

Dream #1

First, I got a call from one of my grandmothers, and she asked me, “Did your parents move to Omaha?”

Me: Yeah, several years ago.  (Thinking it’s weird because she was one of the first people to know they were moving to Omaha.)

Grandma: Figures I would be the last to know.

Me: Oooookay….Um…I’ll have dad call you back.

Dream #2

I was in an office building.  The doors at the end of the hall opened, and in ran a herd of baby pandas (There were at least 30).  There were two women herding them, and I was soon surrounded by this moving sea of baby pandas.  I picked one up and handed my iPod to one of the women asking if she would take my picture.  She took a couple pictures, and then I had to leave and get on a bus.  When I got on the bus, I took out my iPod to look at the pictures, and found that the woman hadn’t switched the camera view.  So, I had pictures of her from neck down, but no pictures of me with the pandas.

Then I woke up.

And now I want to cuddle a baby panda.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Published January 8, 2014 by Malia

Work birthday, that is.  Today (1/7) marked my one year anniversary at my job.  This has been a year of firsts.  It’s the first time I’ve been a recognized full-time employee for more than three months.  It’s the first time I’ve had actual benefits.  It’s the first time I’ve had PTO.  Yes, boys and girls, as of today I have finally achieved PTO.  (For those of you who don’t know, PTO stands for Personal Time Off).  Now, I’m not 100% certain how PTO is different from Vacation Days, but apparently it’s different.

It’s a really good feeling to be gainfully employed.  There was a time in my life, not too long ago, where the idea of being employed full time, in a place that I truly love being seemed an impossibility.  It still kind of astonishes me.  I’m so grateful to have this job, though.

All we need is an evil twin

Published January 3, 2014 by Malia

A million years ago…well, maybe not a million, but definitely before I was born the Thanksgiving dinner happened.  Family lore holds (and I’ve been told this by many members of our family) that they were having Thanksgiving dinner when my great-aunt’s mother had a heart attack and died at the table.  On the one hand, I’m really glad I wasn’t born yet, because that would’ve been a horrible experience, and yet it would’ve certainly help when people are all, “Oh, that didn’t really happen,” and I could be all, “Yeah, it did.  I WAS there!” instead of, “Well, that’s what everyone says happened.”  I share this delightful bit of family history with you all, because it helps explain a very bad joke I made the other day.

When my uncle passed away on New Year’s Eve, I joked that I wondered who was going to die on the next holiday.  Y’know, since Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve  had already been claimed.  It was a joke!  Absolutely no seriousness intended.  It was me dealing badly with emotions, because I’d much rather laugh than cry.

When I got home from work last night (1/2), I came home, and mom seemed a little off.  We talked about how my day at work had gone, and then she held out her hand to me.  Sensitive cretin that I am, I just said, “What?”  I figured she was just trying to show love to me in light of us dealing with our uncle’s death.  Instead, she said, “Aunt Faye passed away yesterday.”

Oh.

On New Year’s Day.

To top it off, she told me that our cousin (Aunt Faye is my great-aunt) doesn’t expect Aunt Faye’s husband to make it past February.  So, I guess Valentine’s Day has been claimed?  (Sorry, so, so, sorry, that was super tactless).

Sometimes I feel like soap opera writers take notes for their plots from our family.  When things happen, it’s always the extreme version of things.  We’ve had a long lost relative reestablish contact with the family after 40 years of silence.  We’ve had a woman have a baby that doctors before and long after claimed was an impossibility.  A kamikaze pilot went down in the backyard of a relative during the attack on Pearl Harbor, and she lived to tell the tale.  And now, we apparently die on holidays.

I’m thinking it’s good an evil twin hasn’t shown up yet, but definitely not ruling out the possibility.

Couldn’t stop it if I tried

Published January 2, 2014 by Malia

Well, for better or worse, 2014 is upon us.  2013 has come and gone and will never come this way again.  Now is about when some people are starting to regret the kisses at midnight and the hastily made resolutions.  Of course, I too am swept up in the enthusiasm of facing a new year.  Maybe it was the whole waking up to the first snow of the new year.  Everything looked clean and white and new and fresh and possible.  So, here’s a few goals I’ve got for myself as I start down the road of 2014…

-Lose the weight.  This one is starting to make me sound like a broken record.  I know it needs to be lost, and I need to keep going and being serious about it for more than a month.

-Eat less fast food.  Fast food has definitely become an escape method for me.  Let’s see, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?  Okay, well I’ve admitted it, now to put into practice avoiding it.

-Read more and revamp book blog.  The discovery of Skyrim and the availability of Facebook have definitely interfered with my reading habit.  I’m a free-ish, single woman.  I should be reading.

-Speaking of Facebook…Neil Gaiman beat me to the punch last night when he posted that he’s going to be on Facebook less, and going to be blogging more.  I’ve been wasting far too much time on Facebook, and it’s really been bothering me over the last year.  Up until this last month it hasn’t really bothered me enough to do something about it, but I’m now to the point that I’m not giving it up, but I’m going to try to be on it quite a bit less.

-Spend more time writing.  First off, I want to update this blog on a more regular basis (and the book blog), but I also want to get more serious about writing in general.  I’ve got several very good ideas, but I’ve been too scared to write them down, too scared of what others might think of me if they knew what I had written.

-Dealing with fear.  I tend to let fear control my life, which is apparently a bad thing.  Mostly, I fear what other people think of me and my decisions.  Then when I know someone’s disappointed I spend way too much time beating myself up over it.  I’m going to try very hard to stop living in fear and especially try to stop beating myself up constantly for every time I think I’ve screwed up somehow.

Happy 2014!  Make it a good one!

He was a GREAT-Uncle

Published December 31, 2013 by Malia

Brain: You need to put on socks.

Me: Why?

Brain: Because you don’t want your feet to be cold and your toes to get frostbit.

Me:  Is it really that important?

Brain: Yes.  You have to wear shoes to work, and you need socks if you’re going to wear shoes.

Me: Oh.

Brain: Also, don’t forget your lunch.

Well, I remembered the socks and forgot my lunch.  1 out of 2 ain’t bad considering how today went.

My Uncle Mike passed away kind of suddenly this morning, shortly before I went to work.  We’re all still kind of in shock here, hence me actually questioning the wearing of socks.

Uncle Mike was a pretty amazing guy.  He was incredibly smart, and really seemed to love life.  He was my great-uncle, but he was almost like another grandpa to me.  He was very kind to me, and even as I got older he still showed that he cared about me.

When I was little I would get to see him once a year.  We would come home to Nebraska for two weeks during the summer, and he and Aunt Donna would usually kid-sit me one of the nights we were home.  I loved them and their home.  Uncle Mike had a vintage Pong machine that he would hook up for me so I could play.  It was my first encounter with a videogame console, and I was a bit hooked.

At the end of those visits, he would usually slip me a twenty, which-to a kid with no money-was a pretty big deal.

When I was in high school, we were visiting him one night, and he was talking about this foreign exchange student they had hosted years earlier, and how he had told the kid that if they ever got married, he would be at the wedding.  He then turned to me and promised me that when I got married he would be there.  It was funny, because I didn’t even think about it until today while I was at work.  It was so hard when Grampa died because I knew he would never get to attend my wedding (should that magical day ever happen), and now both Grampa and Uncle Mike won’t be there.

When I was in school training to be a vet tech, I was taking Pharmacology.  Uncle Mike was a pharmacist, and he ended up working for the State of Nebraska.  (I’m not sure what he did exactly, but I know that if you were a pharmacist who was not behaving properly, my uncle was the last person you wanted to see walk into your pharmacy).  Pharmo wasn’t an easy class for me, and most of the time I felt that if I had to memorize one more drug that had a name ending in “-myicin/micin” I was going to scream.  When I got through the class, and passed.  Uncle Mike told my Gramma (his sister) to tell me that not only was he proud of me, but also to remember that if something wasn’t hard, it wasn’t worth doing.  This is probably some of the most meaningful advice an adult has ever given me.

So, as 2013 closes, I say good-bye to my uncle, and wish you all a happy and safe New Year’s.

Why Eighteen?

Published December 31, 2013 by Malia

When I was little (5 or 6) I announced to my parents that we needed to move to Alaska and live in a house with eighteen bathrooms.  I was apparently obsessed, because I remember mentioning it to my mom more than once over the next year or two.  Her general response involved something along the lines of, “Are you going to clean all eighteen bathrooms?”

Eventually, I realized that my request wasn’t going to be fulfilled, and I pretty much blocked out all memory of it from my brain.  And it stayed blocked until two weeks ago.  I was driving home from work one night, and suddenly I found myself wondering, “Why eighteen?”  Seriously, it’s the most random number.  I didn’t have any siblings, so it wasn’t about everyone having their own bathroom.  Honestly, I’m starting to wonder if I just randomly grabbed a number out of mid-air in an attempt to impress my parents with what a good idea I had.  I’m also not sure why I was so insistent it had to bathrooms.  Why not jungle gyms or swimming pools?

I was a strange child.  (Yeah, probably should’ve opened with that.)

The Secret Ingredient Is…

Published December 29, 2013 by Malia

Have you seen those silly little Funko Pop! figurines?

http://www.pinterest.com

Big eyes, giant head, crazy amount of detail for a little figurine.  They really are ridiculous.  The only thing more ridiculous?  My recently discovered love of them.  It could be argued that there’s no point in owning one, and I’ll be glad to listen to your argument if you don’t mind my staring at my Legolas figure while you do.

 

trampt.com

He’s much more adorable in real life.

The point is, if I was married and had a kid or two, I couldn’t “waste” money on these adorable pieces of plastic.  I couldn’t be siting here trying to figure out how best to arrange them on my empty shelf in my bedroom.

There are so many things I am free to do because I’m single.  I can watch an episode of my favorite tv show for the eighth time and not have to worry about getting asked, “Haven’t you seen this before?  Why can’t we watch something less British?”  I can add to my movie collection whenever I want.

It’s pleasant being single.  There’s quite a bit of freedom and minimal amount of compromising that needs to take place.  I can work a job I love, one with bizarre hours and not worry about how it’s going to affect (or is it effect?  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get this grammatical rule down) my relationship with my significant other.

Even though I have all this going for me, there are still times where my heart yearns to be with someone else.  Not for there to be grand romantic gestures (although, they certainly would be appreciated), but for someone to be partners with in order to fight through the battle known as life.

Y’know, I’ve read multiple books on the subject of being single, and had chats with fellow singletons and even with some marrieds regarding being single.  I’ve heard all “logical” reasons for being single.  I’ve been given most of the pat answers offered in the following video:

And, you know what?  Tonight, I was at home,  reading a fluffly little book, and suddenly I was overwhelmed to the point of tears with feelings of loneliness.  There wasn’t any logical explanation for it, but I’ll tell you this.  As I was sobbing, I was reminded of this scene from Kung Fu Panda

There is no secret ingredient.  There is no one magical mystical answer to this whole singleness thing.  Just because Person A needed to learn to be content being single doesn’t mean that’s why Person B is single.  Maybe Person B is single because they need to learn to be more willing to make good compromises.  Maybe Person C is single because they’ll never finish their education if they get distracted with a romance.  Every person is different, and we all have different life lessons to learn.  The best thing we can do is stick it out, cry if necessary, do things for others, and not lock our hearts away (no matter how much we may get hurt).

And, if all else fails, you can join me in creating a silly collection of vinyl figurines.

The Post-Holiday Calm

Published December 27, 2013 by Malia

Time for a random stream of things that have been going on…

Well, another Christmas has come and gone.  This was a better Christmas than the last couple.  Last year was the first Christmas after Grampa dying.  I was in a bad place due to a really crappy year, and the whole day just felt off.  I ended up sleeping for most of the day.  Also, this year I was finally financially stable enough that I was able to get presents for everyone.  As someone who enjoys gift giving, this made me quite happy.

I saw The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug two weeks ago.  I’m still not 100% certain what I think of it.  It was beautifully done.  The dragon was amazing.  However, there were so many changes, the book nerd in me is still having trouble resigning myself to the movie.  I’m anxious to see the extended edition so that I may make a better final judgement.

I saw Catching Fire three weeks ago, and it was absolutely amazing!  Heartbreaking, but amazing.  There was only one change that they made that I was genuinely irked by, but it was pretty insignificant when I considered how accurate everything else was.

I came home tonight to find two police vehicles in our parking lot.  Not police cars, these were SUV type automobiles.  Apparently, there’s been a spree of robberies in town, and they tracked the burglars to one of the condo buildings in the grouping where we live.  I guess the burglars stole something that had GPS in it, and they were stupid enough to turn it on.  Hence the police finding where they were hiding out at.  I guess it was quite exciting about half an hour before  I got home from work.  Mom said the police helicopter and about fifteen police SUV-things were here.   Sad, but also relieved I missed it.

We’ve been passing around some sort of nasty bug at work.  I know, I know, it’s a shocker that disease would be present at a medical reference lab…  I’ve spent 3 weeks with horrible headaches and stomachaches.  It’s been loads of fun.  Also, it’s been making me an absolute “delight” to be around.  I’m afraid it’s sealing my status as nasty witch with a capital B at work.  Which is really too bad, cause I’m a pretty nice person.  Or at least, I used to be.

So, I really want one of the single serving Keurig machines.  There’s only one small problem: it’d be a bit of a waste of money.  I don’t drink coffee and I rarely drink tea or cocoa.  I think I’m just generally fascinated by them, and that has led to this ridiculous desire to own one.

Sherlock is returning!  If you’ve never watched it, go to Netflix now and fix this part of your life.  (There’s only six episodes currently, it’s less than a day of binge watching.)  One of my friends spent yesterday watching it for the first time, and she proceeded to say, “I could listen to Benedict Cumberbatch read the phone book.”  I happen to agree with this.  He and Alan Rickman could get together and read the sides of cereal boxes and the backs of shampoo bottles and it would be the most fantastic thing ever.

The One With The Werewolf

Published December 4, 2013 by Malia

(What follows is a real conversation I let myself get sucked into today.  The topic was all the books person A was assigned to read in high school and didn’t.  I tried very hard to keep my mouth shut, but I only have so much restraint.)

Person A: Then there was that one about a werewolf.

Person B: Beowulf?

Person A: Yeah, that one.

Me: There are no werewolves in Beowulf.  (I swear I was being quiet.  I honestly thought no one would hear me.)

Person A: Yeah, well, there’s wolves in it.

Fortunately, I had a legitimate reason to leave at that moment, so I was saved from saying anything else I might regret. I know that not everyone is book obsessed like I am, and I know that I should have just kept my mouth shut.  It would have been the polite thing to do.  Then again, I suppose blogging about the encounter isn’t terribly polite either.

Oh well, at least I know what happens in Beowulf.