All posts tagged Urine

Super Duper Secret Confession About My Glamorous Single Life

Published January 14, 2014 by Malia

Are you ready for this?  If you’re not single, you’re going to be TOTALLY envious!  Like, I mean, it’s, like, y’know that TOTALLY AWESOME!  Like totally.

Yeah, I really can’t pull off the Valley Girl talk.

Here it is…

My big secret…

I sleep in a loft bed…and it’s pretty much the greatest bed ever.  The only bed that would be better?  One that’s built into it’s own little cupboard, like in Santa Claus The Movie.

I was an only child, so bunk beds only became part of my life when I was at camp or visiting friends.  I learned early on that the top bunk was the best part of the bunk bed experience.  Also, you looked incredibly brave if you were willing to jump from the top bunk to the floor.  Who cared about the shooting pains that ran up your legs when you landed feet first on a concrete basement floor?  You looked brave and cool.

Well, a loft bed, is just the top bunk, and you can do whatever you want with the space underneath.  In fact, it opens up a lot of space in a room (especially if you have a long narrow room, like I do).  Yes, underneath the loft is a great place to store all the boxes that I am refusing to unpack, even though I’ve been home for over a year.  (Side note: yes, those boxes should be unpacked by now, but I have issues.)

Before I completely sell you on the concept of loft beds, let me point out that there is one giant negative about them if you are no longer a kid…

I always prided myself on my bladder control, and while that control has not lapsed, I’ve noticed in the last couple of years that if I drink things after ten p.m., I’ll find myself needing to get up in the middle of the night to find the bathroom (conveniently located across the hall).  When I’m awoken by this urge at three or four in the morning, I will usually lay in bed considering my options, arguing with my brain.

Brain: You need to pee.

Me:  Really?  I know I’m uncomfortable, but maybe if I ignore it, I can get back to sleep.

Brain: What kind of moronic idea is that?

Me: I don’t want to climb down the ladder, or stumble through my room in the dark.

Brain: You know, if you would clean this disaster area you call a room, it wouldn’t be such a scary thing to walk through it in the dark.

Me (in my best whiny inside my head voice): I’m an adult!  My room can be a mess if I want it to be!

Brain: Whatever.  Stop whining.  You need to pee.

Me:  I’m pretty sure I can just get back to sleep.  Just wish it didn’t feel like my bladder is going to explode.

Brain: You know that is a sign that you need to pee.

Me: Shut up and let me sleep.

Brain (impersonating Sheldon Cooper): Waterfalls…PEEING!

Me: You’re not quoting it correctly.

Brain: I don’t care, subliminal messaging…

Me: Crap, you win.

As you can see, it’s a very dramatic conversation to have in the wee hours of the morning.  And now, you all know that I’ve reached that magical point in my life where urinating has become a much larger part of my life than it used to be.  Also, I may have some unresolved issues regarding unpacking.

And no, I don’t know why I shared this little “gem” with the world.  At least I’m not making out with sledgehammers.


Published January 8, 2013 by Malia

So, it occurred to me tonight that while I get to see and handle a lot of cool and gross stuff at work, I can’t really talk about it for two reasons.  Reason #1: Most people don’t seem to enjoy thinking about blood and other things that come out of the body.  Reason #2: Hipaa.

If you’re not familiar with Hipaa, here’s a quick take on it.  Basically, Hipaa is something the government put into practice that’s supposed to protect patient’s and keep their information confidential.  This means that I can’t write and/or talk about specifics of the medical records I see, list people’s names/personal information, or disclose things I may have heard others saying.  Now, here’s where it’s a good thing my memory is so rotten.  I handle hundreds of samples a day, and look at the information for all of 10-30 seconds.  I couldn’t tell you, even if I wanted to, the names and other personal details.

I don’t think it’s breaking Hipaa to mention that I was super proud of myself for pouring urine out of a jug into a little container without spilling or splashing any.  I really didn’t think I could manage it, but I was successful!  (This is one of those gross things that I forget most people don’t really want to think about.)

Anyway, day two of my new job went pretty well.  I’m definitely learning, and will be quite glad when I can do things without having to ask for help.  Also, I’m super glad that my clinical pathology teacher in tech school got so in-depth in class.  What I learned in that class is starting to come back pretty clearly, and helping me to feel less lost.

Final positive part of my day: one of the gals at work asked me how old I was and she was really surprised that I was 28.  She was sure I was younger!  I love when people think I look younger than I am.  I certainly feel younger than I am.