Sex

All posts tagged Sex

Nice coffee tables are for holding Lego’s, right?

Published August 30, 2016 by ia84

An actual conversation that happened last week:

Me: I was out today running errands, and LITERALLY  every single woman I saw was either pregnant or had a pile of small kids or both.  I honestly think we’re having all the sex, and everyone else is getting pregnant.

The Boy: That’s not how it works.

Me: No, I’m pretty sure it is.  Like, three people announced on Facebook today that they’re pregnant.  So, yeah, I’m sticking with this argument.

The Boy: You’re saying that the sperm and the egg leave here and go elsewhere and other people get pregnant?

Me: Yes.

The Boy: Again, that’s not how it works.

Me: You don’t know!  I’m the medical professional, this is totally how it works!

After that, the conversation slipped into further nonsense.

Here’s the thing, I honestly am happy for all y’all that are gettin’ preggers and poppin’ out babies.  I really am.  Please don’t think that I’m not.  I’m sorry if I  cry or seem not as enthused as everyone else (I try really hard not to do that except when I’m alone or with the boy).  And please, please, please don’t ever keep it from me that you’re expecting because you’re afraid it’ll make me sad.  I’m 98% happy for all you expectant mamas.  There’s just this annoying 2% of me that is a little jealous and a little sad.  That’s fair, though, right?  I can be 2% selfish.

So what do you do when your baby making parts aren’t magic?  You build Lego sets.  Lego sets with dragons and elves.  Seriously, it’s excellent therapy.

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And now these sets are living on my coffee table, because they’re pretty and they make me happy.

That’s not how it works.

Published November 7, 2014 by ia84

What follows is something funny that happened at my work this week.  Since I work in a medical reference lab, I see all kinds of specimens.  This can lead me to talk sbout things that aren’t G rated, but I do my best to stay out of R territory.  Consider yourself warned. 

A few days ago at work we received a specimen to be tested for gonherrea & chlamydia.  Two super fun STDs. We get quite a few specimens through our room to be checked for these diseases. Unfortunately, the specimen we received wasn’t your typical submission.  It was synovial fluid from a knee.

Now, this may not seem weird, but keep in mind, we’re talking about STDs.  After 2+ hours on the phone, calling every reference lab we work with, and getting told the specimen was completely unacceptable,  I came to the following conclusion…
If you have to get your knee fluid checked for STDs, you’re doing sex wrong. 

Clothe thyself, I beseech thee.

Published August 28, 2013 by ia84

Okay, I’ll be honest, I had to Google the spelling of the  word “thyself” because I wasn’t sure if it was considered one word or two, and then I had to look up the phrase, “I beseech thee,” and within seconds I wrote the title to this.  I’m aware I probably completely misused those words, but it’s after midnight, so I lack the ability to care that much.  Also, heads up, I’m about to go on a bit of a rant.

Can I ask an honest question?  Is basic modesty such a bad thing?  I’m not talking about, “Oh hey, I won this award, I won’t shove it in everyone’s face.”  I’m talking about, “Oh hey, this outfit leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination, maybe I should supplement it with a bra or something,” or, “Oh hey, maybe I should think twice before doing this dance that looks like I’m acting out sex positions on national television.”

I’m old school, I admit it.  I don’t think we all need to be running around in nun’s habits, but I do wish there would be a bit of a return to wearing clothing that doesn’t spell out every single bump, wrinkle, bit of flab, and nipple for everyone to see.  Yes, no matter what we female folks wear, guys are going to get ideas; but is it really necessary to add to what they’re already imagining.  Sure, we’re not responsible for the thoughts that pop into their heads, but I think we do have a smidge of responsibility to not add to what’s already in their head.  The sluttier a girl dresses, the more permission she’s giving to a guy to come and have a look.  Guys’ brains are naturally wired to automatically see things that turn them on so that they can go off and perform the act that creates more guys whose brains are wired that way.  It’s part of nature.  If it wasn’t, they would advertise ladies’ underwear the same way Fruit of the Loom advertises guy underwear (this isn’t an original thought, I saw a picture on Pinterest depicting this).  We girls don’t need to see some hot chick in underwear to want to buy it (ok, well maybe some girls do).  No, that advertising is used so that girl’s have a clue about what makes a guy tick.  (And since most of us don’t look like or have a body like Heidi Klum, that advertising does nothing but make us girls feel insecure and inadequate). So yes, guys are responsible for their thoughts and the choices they make as to what they continue to think on, but for those guys who are trying to think pure thoughts about us ladies, let’s not add to their difficulty.

Y’know, it’s completely possible to dress classy, without looking like you should be standing on a street corner selling yourself.  Even if you’re a bit on the hefty side (like me), more and more styles are cropping up that allow us to look lovely without looking skanky (or like we’ve been poured into the outfit).  Plus, if you don’t mind waiting until the end of the season, you can hit pretty fantastic sales on stuff that would otherwise break the bank.

Also, I’ve been thinking.  These girls that get their start doing Disney channel stuff probably are making at least a little money off the programs, and if the program is over, there are probably some royalties involved.  Now, I understand that most of these girls want to move on with their careers and not forever be associated with those “good girl” roles they had.  However, they’re still will to accept the money from the royalties of those “good girl” roles.  Here’s an idea, there should be something in their contract that states that it’s fine if they decide to break free of that “good girl, role model” role; but if they do, all future royalty payments and any money from any merchandise, that continues to be made, will be donated to charities that support young men and women making wise life choices and working to succeed at making something of themselves.  It’s only fair.

Rant over.

Random Saturday Musings

Published January 13, 2013 by ia84

-It has been reinforced to me this week just how many STDs are floating around out there.  I’m baffled by how many people engage in sex without having their partner thoroughly tested.

-It really sucks just how depressed my diabetes meds make me.  Doesn’t help that I forgot to take my meds for about a week, and when I started up again I got hit really hard with the depression.

-I’m thinking I want to save up for one of those giant bean bag chairs.

-I’m glad that my hair is finally long enough to braid.

-The first images from Catching Fire are really making me want to see the film, even though I had pretty much decided I didn’t want to see it.  The books are fantastic, but so depressing.  However, I’m thinking I shall probably plan to see it.

-Pizza sounds amazing right now.

-I am soooooooooo overwhelmingly excited for my first real paycheck in years!

-Tonight a friend used the words, “Make it so.” while we were talking online.  The only thing that would’ve made it more entertaining would be if he had included a photo of Picard.