All posts tagged Dark

Good-bye flu. Hello anxiety attack.

Published February 19, 2018 by Malia

(I’ve been having a really bad anxiety attack tonight. The following are all things I’m thinking and feeling.)

The anxiety is bad tonight.

I’m wide awake, but I’m so exhausted.

My heart is pounding.

My chest is tight.

Breathing is taking concentration.

My head is tight and painful.

Why won’t my thoughts stop racing?

I can’t even tell you what’s racing through my mimd, it’s just a jumbled mess.

I feel like I’m shaking, but I’m not.

I’m so nauseous.

I feel like the air is closing in around me.

It’s too hot.

It’s too cold.

My clothes are heavy and it hurts.

I’m very aware of my fingernails.

I’m super thirsty.

There’s too much noise, but the house is quiet.

I can hear the blood rushing past my ears.

Why is it so loud?

Sound hurts.

Light hurts.

I’m scared to turn off the lights.

The anxiety is really bad tonight.


I Should Be Writing

Published March 11, 2014 by Malia

Really.  I should.  I’m sitting here with a whole story idea in my head, and I’m too scared to sit and put it down on paper.

I’m a chicken.  I’m not proud of this, but at least I’ll own up to it.

The thing is, I’ve discovered that when I start to write stories, they tend to be a little dark.  Scratch that.  They tend to be really messed up and super dark.  Which, if you’re Stephen King definitely works in your favor.  However, if you’re me, it just tends to be scary.  I don’t like to think that there’s that much darkness in me.  Or, maybe I just don’t like acknowledging that my brain is able to come up with stories that are really messed up.

Of course, maybe if I actually completed my stories, instead of freaking myself out with them and quitting half-way through, I’d have something awesome.

And maybe, it’s 2 a.m., and I should be sleeping, and instead am in the process of realizing that Stephen King and George R.R. Martin have written pretty messed up stuff, and they don’t seem to regret it or be freaked out by it.  It’s 2 a.m. and I just realized that this post lacks any grammar correctness.

I shall be banned from the Grammar Rodeo.

Random Saturday Musings

Published January 6, 2013 by Malia

-A couple of days ago I bought a movie I had never heard of and knew absolutely nothing about.  It’s called The Watcher in the Woods.  Some of the acting was really terrible, but the story itself was quite good, and surprisingly scary and dark for a Disney film.  Bright spots of this film were Bette Davis and David McCallum (NCIS’Ducky).  Davis was super creepy.  There was not nearly enough Ducky in this film, I think he was mainly in the film to attract whatever audience Davis didn’t attract.  Here’s the trailer:

-I spent tonight with my mama figuring out what the spring puppet show is going to be.  I’m pretty excited about this one, and am hoping that it all pulls together smoothly.

-I’m getting really excited and pretty nervous about Monday.  New job!  Big plus: I get to wear cute scrubs!  There’s no mandatory scrub design I have to wear, so I can wear the fun cartoon tops.  Also, I’m madly in love with the Grey’s Anatomy brand scrubs.  They’re the softest, most comfy scrubs I’ve ever encountered.  I’m also glad that they’re making scrub tops that are much more feminine than they used to be.

-Had weekly lunch at Zemogs.  Ended lunch with “I have a job” celebratory sopapillas.  Here’s a picture of the deliciousness!


-This afternoon, I decided to try to be artistic, here was the outcome:


-I’m thinking of getting the Bob Ross videos and learning to paint.

-I’m not trying to brag, but I’m super excited thinking about having a real paycheck again and being able to pay my bills again!

-I love my Hello Kitty headphones.  I spent more on them than I normally spend on headphones, but the whole Hello Kitty design totally made it worth it.  They work fantastic, which was super surprising.  Best headphone investment I’ve made in years.

-My hair is finally getting some decent length to it.  I’ll be glad when I can braid it and put it up.

-I need to find a mascara brand that doesn’t make my eyes itch and burn.  Thinking of trying Physician’s Formula (waiting to make some money, just because it’s more expensive than what I usually spend on make-up).  Many people have told me it’s gentle on sensitive eyes.  I don’t wear a lot of make-up, but I’ve found that mascara is kind of crucial if I don’t want my eyes to look terrible.