All posts tagged Futurama

Brain Mush

Published October 17, 2014 by Malia

I’m currently on Day 5 of not seeing the boy.  Normally, there’s a 3-4 day break between seeing each other every week.  However, this week, the boy is working nine days straight, which means the break between seeing each other is going to be six or seven days.  While I’m proud of him for being a grown-up and a hard worker, I’m really pathetic, and I miss him quite a bit.  Normally, I hit this pathetic level around day 3.

Wait…mom’s probably going to read this at some point…and she will point out that I start whining about missing him on day 1 of not seeing him.

I’d say I’m in in boy withdrawal, but that sounds too Twilight.  We are definitely not Twilight.  I may be as clumsy as Bella, but I hope and pray I’m not that shallow and vapid.  Plus, no one in their right mind would ever accuse me of vegetarianism in any form.

And now I realize that I’m really rabbit trailing, and I really do have something I want to write about.

I’ve been noticing lately that when I’m around the boy, I kind of turn into an idiot.  See, this is how my brain normally is…

It’s all active, and mostly working normally.  I’m able to communicate with most humans on some level.  I’m capable of intelligence, and on special occasions I’m witty.

Now, when I’m around the boy my brain does this…





I have no idea how it happens.  He’s smart.  I’m smart.  We’re two intelligent grown-ups.  I’m crazy about him, and for some reason that means I go from intelligent to babbling ditz in less time than it took to read this sentence.  I think the good part of my brain gets locked up by the bad parts of my brain, but it can still see the train wreck that is coming out of my mouth…and I’m pretty sure it hates me for it.  I will be spewing absolute nonsense, and I can practically hear the intelligent part of my brain (the part that’s locked up) screaming, “What?!  Where did that come from?  Why would you ever say that?  Do you have any idea how idiotic you sound right now?  Are you attempting to make a joke?  You know that wasn’t funny, right?”

For some reason, it gets even worse when I try to be funny.  I’ll make some joke about something stupid, but because I’m actually trying to be funny, it doesn’t come across as funny.  Apparently, I only have good delivery when I’m not trying.  For example, last weekend I made a joke about how the boy totally needed a mirror ball to hang from his ceiling of the living room, and painting the walls hot pink and the ceiling black would absolutely complete the room.  It was a joke.  A terrible joke, that I may have brought up one too many times over the weekend.  I’m pretty sure it was never that funny, and I’m also relatively certain the boy is never going to trust me with any interior decorating.  Which is a shame because I really do have excellent taste.

I’m really hoping it’s not just me.  I truly hope there’s a whole group of intelligent women who turn into Brain Slugged idiots around their boyfriends.

Is that what they’re calling it these days?

Published June 6, 2014 by Malia

I took the day off today, and spent the day at the Henry Doorly Zoo with the boy.  (Side note, Omaha has a fantastic zoo, and if you ever come here it’s the one place you definitely have to go to before you leave). Now, over the many years I’ve visited the zoo, I’ve heard a myriad of weird things come out of the mouths of adults.  We’re talking about statements that leave me feeling somewhere between the Picard facepalm and Professor Farnsworth saying, “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.”   Today was no exception.

At the zoo, there’s a desert dome, and the lower level features something called, “Kingdoms of the Night.” (KoN from here on out)  Basically, it’s fairly dark, and filled with nocturnal animals.  You get to see animals active that normally would be asleep during the day.  The first “quality” statement of the day, came early on through our trek in the dark.  We were passing a group of adults, and I heard one woman say, “Oh look.  The mommy frog is giving the baby frog a piggy-back ride.”  I turned my head to look at the frogs, and then had to quickly walk away before I said something I’d regret.  Honestly, I kind of wish I had a time machine to go back and walk up to that woman and say, “First, baby frogs are tadpoles.  That’s not a tadpole on top of that other frog.  Second, that “piggy-back ride” is what the rest of the world calls mating.”  I think she might have had a child with her, but honestly I was so horrified when I realized what she said, I didn’t get a good look to see if she really did have a kid with her.  However, if she did, that’s even more concerning.  Why?  Because if you’re not prepared to talk to your child about the birds and the bees, then you better not point out that it is taking place and then pump your child full of misinformation.

Later on, still in KoN, I came around a corner and heard another adult saying, “Look, the beaver had babies.”  Now, this wouldn’t have been a problem, except for two things.  A.  There were no beavers in the enclosure, and B. There was a lit sign stating, “Nutria” followed with information about the Nutria was positioned all of three feet away from the nursing mother Nutria.

Finally, as we neared the exit, we began to encounter multiple women with strollers that had somehow managed to get turned around and were going against the flow of traffic.  Now, if you just follow the flow of traffic, it’s a pretty simple path to get to the exit (that is lit up with a nice brilliant green light filling in the letters, spelling out the word ‘EXIT’).  Instead these women were going the wrong way, and wondering aloud, “Where’s the exit?”  I did manage to try to point out to one of these women which way they needed to go, and instead of turning around, she just kept going the wrong way.

There was one other alarming thing I discovered during my venture to the zoo, and this had nothing to do with other visitors.  It was due to the new sculptures in the Bear area.  Words cannot describe how creepy these sculptures are, so hopefully my pictures can do what words can’t…


Okay, so maybe that doesn’t look that creepy, but wait…


Still not convinced of the creepiness?


That’s right, these weird pig bear things are sprinkled all through that little area, and they’re all staring at you. Standing guard and staring right into your soul.  It’s seriously time to call Sam and Dean.

So, yes, there were really dumb things said today, and there was the encounter with the bizarre sculptures, but apart from that it was a really lovely day.  The weather was gorgeous, and I got to spend the day with the boy (who actually did say something about the “piggy-back ride” comment, but I don’t think the woman who made the comment heard him).  It was really nice to have a normal day (or at least what I consider normal).

UPDATE!!!!  Apparently I took another picture of the creepy bear pigs.  Can’t not share this weirdness with all of you…