Romance

All posts tagged Romance

Clueless About Dating

Published January 10, 2023 by Malia

“What kind of dates do you guys go on?”

All eyes were on me. My social anxiety had kicked into overdrive. I was sitting in a restaurant I couldn’t afford, with a group of women I had little in common with. As the only non-mother at the table, I’d had nothing to add to the conversation for the first part of the meal. Then the topic of dates came up. We were all married, and as the conversation had gone around the table, I’d realized just how out of place I was. These women talked about going to nice restaurants, weekend trips to beautiful places, and other activities along those lines.

I stared at my incredibly bland lemon pasta (years later, I’m still baffled at how they managed to make what should’ve been a delicious dish have absolutely zero flavor). Even before we were married, Tom and I hadn’t gone on many dates. The majority of our time together was spent watching tv and talking. A little over a year into marriage, not much had changed. At the time, he was working a job with insane hours. Most days I only saw him when he’d come home late at night, collapse into bed for a few hours, and then get up and immediately go back to work. I was just glad for any time I got with him where he was awake. Going on dates wasn’t even a realistic option. Finally, I answered, “Sometimes we go to Sonic together, but with Tom’s work schedule we really don’t get to see each other that much.”

Have you ever felt an entire group completely deflate? Because that’s exactly what happened. There seemed to be this thought that I, as the most recently married, would have stories of incredibly romantic nights out. I had told them the truth, and in doing so, completely killed the conversation. Quickly, the talk shifted back to motherhood and the antics of their kids.

I’ve been thinking about that night quite a bit lately. Previously, I mentioned that I’m working on drafts for a novella. The first draft is fine, but as I’ve been reworking the story, I’ve come to realize that it has a very big flaw. This is a romance story, and I have written the most boring dates in the world. They don’t seem boring to me because they’re the kind of dates I’m comfortable with. However, I realize that not everyone else is a socially anxious homebody.

This means I’m now racking my brain, trying to figure out actual dates to send these characters on. I’m not even sure I know how to date. Back when everyone else was learning how to do those things, I was sucked into the world of purity culture. It didn’t exactly give me a solid understanding of how dating actually works.

And now I’ll go back to working on my draft and hopefully I can come up with a date for my characters that won’t put readers to sleep.

So, where do you see yourself in five years?

Published December 31, 2022 by Malia

I hate that question. I despise that question. And the next time I get asked that in a job interview, I’m tempted to go full Phoebe Buffay.

If you had asked me that question on 12/31/2012, I’d have stared at you like a deer in the headlights. Possibly, I’d have mumbled something about having a job. And if you’d asked me that on 12/31/2017, I’d have gone full panic mode while I scrambled to come up with something to convince you that I wasn’t just drifting aimlessly through life.

Ten years ago, nothing could’ve prepared me for what the following decade would bring. If you’d told me even a fraction of those things were going to happen, I wouldn’t have believed you. I might have even laughed at you.

And now? It’s the end of 2022.

It has been quite the year. I’m ending it in a much better headspace than I started it.

I spent the first two months in such a deep depression I could barely able to get out of bed. If I hadn’t had the dogs to take outside, I wouldn’t have left bed at all.

I began writing. Really writing. There are a few novels worth of words that have managed to leave my brain and take physical form.

I had to put Groot down in September. I don’t know that I’m ever going to truly heal from this loss. She was my closest companion for five years. Saw me through some of the darkest times of my life. I miss her more than I ever thought possible.

I end this year knowing what I want to be when I grow up. I’m not sure how to accomplish it, but I’m going to manage it somehow.

I have plans for 2023. I’m back. The blog is back.

That said, there are a few things I should mention before I proceed into this next year.

I’m not the same person I was 12/31/2012. I’m not the same person I was 12/31/2017. I’ve changed quite a bit. Mostly for the better, I think. I know that there are those who will strongly disagree with me about this. I spent decades being a person that pleased everyone else, and I can’t be that person anymore.

I have opinions now. Actual opinions. I’m no longer thinking the thoughts I’ve been told I have to think because they’re the only thoughts God wants me to think. God gave me a brain and I’ve started learning how to actually use it.

You must tell the truth if your dialogue is to have the resonance and realism that Hart’s War, good story though it is, so
sadly lacks—and that holds true all the way down to what folks say when they hit their thumb with the hammer. If you
substitute “Oh sugar!” for “Oh shit!” because you’re thinking about the Legion of Decency, you are breaking the
unspoken contract that exists between writer and reader—your promise to express the truth of how people act and talk through the medium of a made-up story. -Stephen King On Writing

This is one of the most important lessons I learned from On Writing. Why do I bring this up here? It’s because this entire blog has not been truly honest. Oh, the posts are all true. I’ve never lied in what I’ve shared here. The posts have all been honest, but what you’ve read up until now has been the extremely sanitized version. I never wanted to post anything that might make people uncomfortable or that could be considered even the tiniest bit offensive.

The truth is, I cuss…a lot. I’ve been going through intense religious deconstruction, and I’m filled with thoughts and questions. My mental health is a constant battle. I read and write romance. Sometimes what I write is explicit, but it’s always respectful between consenting adults. I have handled many things in my life poorly. I’m neurodivergent. I screw up more than I succeed. I’ve hurt people and been hurt by people. I’m a flawed human being.

Think of my writing and me like pineapple pizza. Some people are going to love it, and some people aren’t. I’m slowly starting to be okay with that.

The days of people-pleasing, bland, non-offensive writing are done. If that’s the kind of writing you’re hoping to continue seeing here, you’ll be very disappointed. I completely understand if you’re not interested in sticking around because of this. Thank you for the support you’ve given me over the years. I have read every comment and felt a rush of happiness every time I’ve been sent a notification that a post has received a ‘like’.

So, 2023. Let’s do this thing.

Another year older. Another year more immature?

Published November 25, 2012 by Malia

Today (11/24) was my 28th birthday.  My mother threatened to come in my room at 2:35 a.m. (the time I was born) and recreate the phone conversation from City Slickers.  If you’ve never seen the film (and you really should), here’s the conversation I’m referring to:

Anyway, thankfully she waited until 8 a.m. to deliver the “angel birthday girl” speech.  (My mom is fantastic, ya’ll wish you had a mama as awesome!)  Overall I had a wonderful day.  I did some epic yarn shopping (and I do mean epic), and am ready to make a pile of hats.  My parents and I went to see Wreck-It Ralph.  It was cute, but definitely not the best animated film I’ve ever seen.  It felt a bit slow, but I did enjoy all the nostalgic parts of it.  I got to have lunch at Red Lobster, a big treat in my family, and the shrimp & scallop alfredo was amazing as always.  My birthday cake was cheesecake (yes, it was a really naughty day for a diabetic, but hey you’re only 28 once), and I the piece I had was pumpkin and soooooo delicious!

Tonight I saw two films I’ve never seen before, but did own (I’m kind of bad about buying movies I want to see when I find them for cheap at Walmart or Half Price Books).  First, we watched Gremlins, which is a wonderful Christmas movie.  Then, I watched Poltergeist.  Yeah, definitely a film I don’t want to watch all the time, but it was a pretty great film.  Gets in your head, though.

Wow, 28.  It seems like such a big number.  I still feel like a teenager, and have no intention of trying to feel old.  I learned last week that my future plans are being thrown out the window.  I’m okay with this, though.  I need to get better at adjustment, and this is just another way to learn that.  Sure, it terrifies me, but at least I don’t have to face it alone.

I announced on Facebook tonight the fact that my birthday wish this year is that God would bring someone into my life.  I know I don’t need a man in my life, but I’ve spent 28 years as a single woman, and I’m perfectly fine if I reach 29 and still have no boyfriend experience.  I just don’t want to be alone anymore.  There are so many different kinds of being alone, and I’m certainly surrounded by family and friends and I appreciate it; but I don’t have anyone that (for back of a better descriptor) is my “special someone.”  I’m sure it sounds silly and selfish.  I should probably be wishing for world peace or something epic like that.  Anyway, this isn’t me demanding God give me a boyfriend, I’m just wishing and hoping that there’d be some indication that I’m not going to be single forever (how’s that for being a dram queen?).

I’m headed back to school tomorrow, and right now I’m trying to figure out where my iPod might be.  I had it with me when I came home, so I know it’s here somewhere I’m just not sure where.  Then I have 19 days until I’m home for good.