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All posts for the month January, 2014

Wherein I make my Oscar picks based solely on the trailers~Week 1: The Short Films

Published January 18, 2014 by Malia

First, the word “wherein” is a very fun word to say.  Try it.

Second, you all now know that I’m weird enough that I will use words simply based upon the amount of fun I have saying them.

And now, for my actual post…

I know it’s silly and shallow, but I genuinely enjoy the movie award season.  There’s something fun about watching famous people get dressed up, act like they like other famous people, and then give out awards to each other.

Now, lot’s of people watch the movies, and carefully make their picks for who will win the Academy Award in various categories.  I’m not usually given to that kind of dedication.  I usually make a guess based off of what I’ve heard about the films and the performances.  This year, I feel like I’ve barely seen anything, and I’ve heard even less.  So, I thought it would be fun to make my picks (and also try to figure out the plot) based solely upon watching the trailers.  If nothing else, it’ll be entertaining.

This week, I’m hitting the short film categories.  I’m a terrible picker when it comes to short films, usually what I think is an award winner barely gets any attention paid to it.

Best Short Film, Live Action

1. Aquel No Era Yo

Child soldiers, dialogue in a foreign language, all taking place in a war zone.

2.  Just Before Losing Everything

This is in French, but fortunately the trailer had subtitles so I had a clue as to what was going on.  From what it looks like a woman and her children (?) are on the run from her husband(?).

3.  Helium

onlinefilmhome.dk

Okay, I’m starting to wonder if any of these short films are in English.  That aside, thank heavens for subtitles.  From what I can tell, a very sick kid is being told about the magical land of Helium by his dad.

4..  Do I Have To Take Care Of Everything?

From what I saw in the 30 second trailer, it appears to be a film about the frustration that moms/wives feel about the face that if they don’t do something, it won’t get done.

5.  The Voorman Problem

It’s in English!  It has Martin Freeman!  Apparently, it’s about a prisoner who thinks he’s God.

What I Think Will Win

It’s hard to make a decision like this based on a trailer for a short film, mostly because some of these films aren’t much longer than a regular film trailer.  Still, based on the little content I saw, I’m expecting the winner to be Aquel No Era Yo.  

What I Would Like To Win

Out of the five, only two caught my attention enough that I actually want to see the films they were advertising.  Helium is absolutely beautiful.  I know it will be heartbreaking, but the visual was stunning.  The Voorman Problem has the draw of Martin Freeman.  Really hard to go wrong with something he’s in.  Plus, the trailer was quite humorous.  If anything, it’s a really dark comedy.

Best Short Film, Animated

1.  Feral

http://www.skywigly.co.uk

A serious exploration of the question, “Were you raised by wolves?”

2.  Get A Horse

Mickey Mouse goes for a hayrack ride.

3.  Mr. Hublot

Either he’s a robot or he’s a wacky inventor.  24 seconds made it difficult to decide.

4.  Possessions

genkinahito.files.wordpress.com

This film has three titles that I could find, and I have absolutely no clue what was going on in the trailer.  There was lightening, beat up parasols, a frog like creature, and a dragon.  I think this is one I would have to see completely to be able to give a decent recounting of the plot.

5.  Room On The Broom

http://www.movie-poster-artwork-finder.com

A witch and her cat go for a ride on her broom.  Also, at some point, there is a dragon and a dog.  Honestly, it holds no interest for me, and based on what I saw I’m surprised it got a nomination.  Hopefully, the film was better than it’s trailer.

What I Think Will Win

I’m definitely leaning towards Feral.  The trailer was super trippy, but the art was fascinating.

What I Would Like To Win

Either Mr. Hublot or Feral.  Both looked incredibly well done, and out of the five were the only ones that really caught my eye.

A Book List For Mila Pt. 4

Published January 18, 2014 by Malia

The requested theme this time?  Books that are funny.  I don’t typically read books that are considered funny, but I’ve come up with what I consider to be humorous books.

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) 

Okay, I’m not just putting this first because my ad for my blog went live on the author’s blog (thebloggess.com) this week.  This book is written by the author of the blog I just mentioned.  I can honestly say that this book is the funniest book I’ve ever read.  I read it over my breaks at work, and I usually ended up laughing so hard I would be in tears.  This led to co-workers thinking that something was terribly wrong.  Anyway, not quite sure where this rabbit trail is going, but the point is, this book is hysterical.  It’s filled with stories of taxidermy, animals, arm condoms, HR, and her struggles with mental health issues.  One word of warning, the author cusses a lot.  I know that bothers some people, and doesn’t bother others.  Personally, I think the content is worth the read.

Bossypants

http://www.amazon.com

Tina Fey has got of be one of my very favorite female comedians, and her book was a fantastic read.  What I really appreciated about the book was that she showed her journey from being a drama nerd to being a successful writer.  She doesn’t gloss over things like her time spent working at a YMCA at weird hours, or being part of the comedy minority (mainly, being a female).

Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?  (And Other Concerns)

http://www.goodreads.com

Okay, I’ll be honest, I’m currently reading this.  I’m half-way through, and I can honestly say I love this book.  She’s incredibly down to earth.  She’s really honest about not fitting in, and when she has made decisions that could have been incredibly career damaging. Also, the story of her going on a Broadway audition with zero dance experience is fantastic!

James Herriot’s Dog Stories

http://www.goodreads.com

This book is a collection of stories from the All Creatures Great and Small series.  This book runs the gambit from absolutely heartbreaking to rolling on the floor laughing.   I personally recommend the stories about Tricky Woo and Cedric the Boxer.

Pretty Much Anything By Dave Barry

I’ve been a Dave Barry fan ever since I was a little kid.  If you’re looking for a good laugh, you really don’t have to look much further than his stories on toilet snakes, parenthood, and things that would make a good name for a rock band.  He’s also has a blog (http://blogs.herald.com/dave_barrys_blog/) that has all the news you wish wasn’t true…

Snickers From The Front Pew

http://www.tower.com

This is one of the best books I’ve read regarding growing up a PK (mine will be just as awesome…provided I ever finish it).  They cover everything from food to church sports leagues to trying not to laugh during funerals.

And that pretty much does it for me for tonight.

Did something die?

Published January 16, 2014 by Malia

I’ve been feeling a bit nostalgic lately, and this has led to my parents asking me when I’m going to share THE STORY.  The story that I’ve been sitting on, avoiding telling, and yet always seems to come up when my childhood is being discussed.  So, without further ado, here is the story of the time my parents thought a rat had died in the wall.

As a child, I wasn’t exactly a fan of vegetables.  That’s putting it mildly.  To eat any vegetable (other than green beans), I would douse the vegetable in question with ketchup.  I’m not really sure how I managed to eat that, because looking back on it, I get nauseous just thinking of it.

Now, I’ve always been stubborn, and as a child the main battle ground of my stubbornness came at the dinner table.  I remember several occasions of sitting at the table for 2-3 hours after the meal ended, staring at a plate of cold vegetables.  The stipulation was that I could leave when I had eaten all of them.  Funny thing, looking back, it wasn’t even that much, but it was enough to make me think it was important to fight about.

When I was seven, I came up with what I considered to be a brilliant plan.

I had come to realize that while I was sitting doing a stare down with the vegetables, I was allowed to get up and use the restroom.  I also had noticed that my parents weren’t too crazy about sitting at the table with me while I played my game of wills.  Dad had work, and mom had her own responsibilities.  Oftentimes, I would be unobserved for decent periods of time.

It was during one of these moments where I was unobserved that I put my plan in motion.  I scooped my veggies into my napkin and stealthily made my way to the bathroom.

Pause story…

I have to explain something about the house we lived in at the time.  It was quite a large house, and I had my own bathroom.  While this may seem like a dream come true, I was also responsible for cleaning it weekly.  Not exactly a dream come true.

Unpause…

So, when I got to my bathroom, I did what any kid would do.  I opened up an unused drawer in the vanity and stuffed the napkin and its contents into the very back.  I had momentarily considered flushing the veggies, but I was worried that they might plug the toilet, and then I would be caught.  I was reasonably certain that hidden in the drawer, they just dry up and turn to dust.

Now, I started this behavior during the winter, and for about six months everything went swimmingly.  Although, I did start to notice a weird smell, but I didn’t think it was noticeable.

Then, one day I heard my parents talking about this weird smell they had noticed in the house.  Basically, the conversation boiled down to, “Do you think we had a rat die in the wall?”  answered with, “It’s possible, I can’t think of anything else that would cause a smell like that.”

Fast forward to midsummer…

I was in 4H and we had a picnic coming up.  I was responsible for bringing cookies.  I had helped mom numerous times when making cookies, and since I had helped her so many times I felt confident that I was capable of making them on my own.  I begged and pleaded with mom to let me, and she gave in.  It was a simple recipe, and I had shown plenty of times that I was smart enough to use and oven without burning myself.

I had put the first batch in, and that’s about when everything fell apart.

First off, I noticed that there was something going seriously wrong with the cookies.  Instead of rising and looking cookie-like, they were spreading out thin and bubbling.  Just then, I heard my mom calling to my dad, “Come look at this.”

Next thing I know, my parents were in the kitchen asking about what mom had discovered filling the drawer in the bathroom vanity.  It was then that mom noticed the strange bubbling cookies.

I learned two important lessons that day…

1.  Vegetables will mold.  Mold looks and smells disgusting.

2.  There is a difference between baking soda and baking powder.

Super Duper Secret Confession About My Glamorous Single Life

Published January 14, 2014 by Malia

Are you ready for this?  If you’re not single, you’re going to be TOTALLY envious!  Like, I mean, it’s, like, y’know that TOTALLY AWESOME!  Like totally.

Yeah, I really can’t pull off the Valley Girl talk.

Here it is…

My big secret…

I sleep in a loft bed…and it’s pretty much the greatest bed ever.  The only bed that would be better?  One that’s built into it’s own little cupboard, like in Santa Claus The Movie.

I was an only child, so bunk beds only became part of my life when I was at camp or visiting friends.  I learned early on that the top bunk was the best part of the bunk bed experience.  Also, you looked incredibly brave if you were willing to jump from the top bunk to the floor.  Who cared about the shooting pains that ran up your legs when you landed feet first on a concrete basement floor?  You looked brave and cool.

Well, a loft bed, is just the top bunk, and you can do whatever you want with the space underneath.  In fact, it opens up a lot of space in a room (especially if you have a long narrow room, like I do).  Yes, underneath the loft is a great place to store all the boxes that I am refusing to unpack, even though I’ve been home for over a year.  (Side note: yes, those boxes should be unpacked by now, but I have issues.)

Before I completely sell you on the concept of loft beds, let me point out that there is one giant negative about them if you are no longer a kid…

I always prided myself on my bladder control, and while that control has not lapsed, I’ve noticed in the last couple of years that if I drink things after ten p.m., I’ll find myself needing to get up in the middle of the night to find the bathroom (conveniently located across the hall).  When I’m awoken by this urge at three or four in the morning, I will usually lay in bed considering my options, arguing with my brain.

Brain: You need to pee.

Me:  Really?  I know I’m uncomfortable, but maybe if I ignore it, I can get back to sleep.

Brain: What kind of moronic idea is that?

Me: I don’t want to climb down the ladder, or stumble through my room in the dark.

Brain: You know, if you would clean this disaster area you call a room, it wouldn’t be such a scary thing to walk through it in the dark.

Me (in my best whiny inside my head voice): I’m an adult!  My room can be a mess if I want it to be!

Brain: Whatever.  Stop whining.  You need to pee.

Me:  I’m pretty sure I can just get back to sleep.  Just wish it didn’t feel like my bladder is going to explode.

Brain: You know that is a sign that you need to pee.

Me: Shut up and let me sleep.

Brain (impersonating Sheldon Cooper): Waterfalls…PEEING!

Me: You’re not quoting it correctly.

Brain: I don’t care, subliminal messaging…

Me: Crap, you win.

As you can see, it’s a very dramatic conversation to have in the wee hours of the morning.  And now, you all know that I’ve reached that magical point in my life where urinating has become a much larger part of my life than it used to be.  Also, I may have some unresolved issues regarding unpacking.

And no, I don’t know why I shared this little “gem” with the world.  At least I’m not making out with sledgehammers.

Everything’s Fine, Mom!

Published January 11, 2014 by Malia

Once upon a time, I was a child.  A weird, quirky, and-according to adults who knew me-precocious little child.  My parents gave me chores, and responsibilities, but never anything beyond my capabilities.  Of course, when they gave me the responsibilities, I knew they were giving me their trust as well.  I wanted to please them, and so I tried my hardest to do things properly.

The summer I was twelve, my mom got really sick.  We were living up in the middle of the hills, miles away from any signs of real civilization (malls, movie theaters with more than two screens, fast food establishments…you get the idea).  Most importantly, we were a good half hour’s drive away from the nearest hospital, and that was just a small county hospital.  There came a night in mom’s illness where a frantic drive delivered us to said hospital.  The doctor informed us that mom needed lots of bed rest.

Now, over the years, mom had taught me the basics of things like how to cook, how to do laundry, and other household things.   Since my dad was working three jobs (pastor of two churches that were 40 miles from each other, and town garbage man), many of the things mom had always been responsible for doing fell to me to do.  It wasn’t a big deal.  I knew mom wouldn’t have let me do it, if she hadn’t believed I was up to the task.  Plus, I still had time to play with my friends.  Besides, cooking meals, and doing laundry seemed a fair trade-off to me, if it meant I got to keep my mom.

Things had been going pretty swimmingly.  My Gramma and her mom had come for a visit and I had cooked my first big dinner.  I made a roast, green beans, and dad helped me put together a cherry angel food cake.  I didn’t ruin anything, and no one got sick.

It was a couple weeks after the midnight trip to the hospital, and it was laundry day.  I remember that the dishwasher was full, so after lunch I made sure there was soap in the dishwasher, and then headed to the basement to work on the laundry.  (The stairway to the basement was located in kitchen.  Handy.  Also, it’s a semi-important detail in what comes next.)

All was well.

I was practicing useful life skills.

And then, I emerged from the basement.

As I neared the top of the stairs, I was surprised to see that there was some sort of weird, white covering on the kitchen floor.  Getting to the top of the stairs, I found that the ENTIRE kitchen floor was covered in about a foot and a half of bubbles.  My first reaction was to get my dad to help me, but he was off visiting with a parishioner.  Which left me to figure out what to do.

I started scooping up the bubbles and putting them in the sink.  I thought I was doing well, until I heard my mom calling from upstairs.  There is nothing like your mother’s voice to send you into a complete tailspin of panic when you’re twelve and don’t know what you did to screw up, but know that you screwed something up.  I ran to the foot of the stairs and called up, “Everything’s fine, Mom!  Just stay up there!”

Hearing the obvious panic in my voice roused my mom from her bed.  As I heard her heading towards the stairs I found myself repeating over and over, “Everything’s fine!  Don’t come down here!  Really, don’t come down here!”

Now, I wasn’t worried about mom being mad at me.  I was worried, because I knew the doctor had said that she needed to stay in bed and not move around much.  Coming down the stairs, in my mind, qualified as disobeying doctor’s orders.  I didn’t want to make mom worse, just because I had somehow filled the kitchen with bubbles (which were waist high at that point).

Down the stairs, my mother came.  She took one look at the scene, and gently asked me what had happened.  I stood there going, “I don’t know.  I put the soap in the dishwasher, turned it on, and then went to change a load of laundry.  I don’t know what happened!”

It was at that point that mom put two and two together, and then I learned the very big importance between dish soap and dishwasher detergent.

It wasn’t my first time running the dishwasher, but it had been my first time on my own.  I knew that the detergent was in a squeezy bottle, and so I had just grabbed the bottle that I thought looked right.

My mom then helped me empty the kitchen of its temporary carpeting.  Ended up using a shovel (there’s a handy hint, in case any of you have a kid that does the same thing I did).

Also, in case you’re wondering, mom didn’t die.  Which made me a happy girl.

Life is but a dream

Published January 10, 2014 by Malia

I had some really weird dreams last night.

Dream #1

First, I got a call from one of my grandmothers, and she asked me, “Did your parents move to Omaha?”

Me: Yeah, several years ago.  (Thinking it’s weird because she was one of the first people to know they were moving to Omaha.)

Grandma: Figures I would be the last to know.

Me: Oooookay….Um…I’ll have dad call you back.

Dream #2

I was in an office building.  The doors at the end of the hall opened, and in ran a herd of baby pandas (There were at least 30).  There were two women herding them, and I was soon surrounded by this moving sea of baby pandas.  I picked one up and handed my iPod to one of the women asking if she would take my picture.  She took a couple pictures, and then I had to leave and get on a bus.  When I got on the bus, I took out my iPod to look at the pictures, and found that the woman hadn’t switched the camera view.  So, I had pictures of her from neck down, but no pictures of me with the pandas.

Then I woke up.

And now I want to cuddle a baby panda.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Published January 8, 2014 by Malia

Work birthday, that is.  Today (1/7) marked my one year anniversary at my job.  This has been a year of firsts.  It’s the first time I’ve been a recognized full-time employee for more than three months.  It’s the first time I’ve had actual benefits.  It’s the first time I’ve had PTO.  Yes, boys and girls, as of today I have finally achieved PTO.  (For those of you who don’t know, PTO stands for Personal Time Off).  Now, I’m not 100% certain how PTO is different from Vacation Days, but apparently it’s different.

It’s a really good feeling to be gainfully employed.  There was a time in my life, not too long ago, where the idea of being employed full time, in a place that I truly love being seemed an impossibility.  It still kind of astonishes me.  I’m so grateful to have this job, though.

Because, clearly, this is what you do as Vesuvius erupts.

Published January 5, 2014 by Malia

I wasn’t going to post tonight.  I’m tired, it’s been a emotionally draining two days, but when I saw this, I felt like I had to say something…

http://www.imdb.com

I was on IMDB, when this poster caught my eye.  Maybe I’m just too exhausted to process this one with an open mind.  When I think of Pompeii, I do not think, “Sweet!  I bet people were totally making out as fire and death rained down around them!”  I realize that there’s this idea that every movie has to have a love story, but this one is making even my brain hurt.  Then, I thought, maybe I was misjudging the poster.  Maybe it wasn’t a good representation of the story, so I went to the movie’s page on IMDB, and found this little plot gem:

“A slave turned gladiator finds himself in a race against time to save his true love, who has been betrothed to a corrupt Roman Senator.  As Mount Vesuvius erupts, he must fight to save his beloved as Pompeii crumbles around him.”

Okay, I didn’t misjudge the poster.  And yes, I suppose a poster like that and plot are going to bring in moviegoers much more quickly than a poster with an image like this:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/sci/tech/1272171.stm

People died horrible deaths that day, and if a movie is going to be made about Pompeii, that’s the story that should be told.

All we need is an evil twin

Published January 3, 2014 by Malia

A million years ago…well, maybe not a million, but definitely before I was born the Thanksgiving dinner happened.  Family lore holds (and I’ve been told this by many members of our family) that they were having Thanksgiving dinner when my great-aunt’s mother had a heart attack and died at the table.  On the one hand, I’m really glad I wasn’t born yet, because that would’ve been a horrible experience, and yet it would’ve certainly help when people are all, “Oh, that didn’t really happen,” and I could be all, “Yeah, it did.  I WAS there!” instead of, “Well, that’s what everyone says happened.”  I share this delightful bit of family history with you all, because it helps explain a very bad joke I made the other day.

When my uncle passed away on New Year’s Eve, I joked that I wondered who was going to die on the next holiday.  Y’know, since Thanksgiving and New Year’s Eve  had already been claimed.  It was a joke!  Absolutely no seriousness intended.  It was me dealing badly with emotions, because I’d much rather laugh than cry.

When I got home from work last night (1/2), I came home, and mom seemed a little off.  We talked about how my day at work had gone, and then she held out her hand to me.  Sensitive cretin that I am, I just said, “What?”  I figured she was just trying to show love to me in light of us dealing with our uncle’s death.  Instead, she said, “Aunt Faye passed away yesterday.”

Oh.

On New Year’s Day.

To top it off, she told me that our cousin (Aunt Faye is my great-aunt) doesn’t expect Aunt Faye’s husband to make it past February.  So, I guess Valentine’s Day has been claimed?  (Sorry, so, so, sorry, that was super tactless).

Sometimes I feel like soap opera writers take notes for their plots from our family.  When things happen, it’s always the extreme version of things.  We’ve had a long lost relative reestablish contact with the family after 40 years of silence.  We’ve had a woman have a baby that doctors before and long after claimed was an impossibility.  A kamikaze pilot went down in the backyard of a relative during the attack on Pearl Harbor, and she lived to tell the tale.  And now, we apparently die on holidays.

I’m thinking it’s good an evil twin hasn’t shown up yet, but definitely not ruling out the possibility.

Couldn’t stop it if I tried

Published January 2, 2014 by Malia

Well, for better or worse, 2014 is upon us.  2013 has come and gone and will never come this way again.  Now is about when some people are starting to regret the kisses at midnight and the hastily made resolutions.  Of course, I too am swept up in the enthusiasm of facing a new year.  Maybe it was the whole waking up to the first snow of the new year.  Everything looked clean and white and new and fresh and possible.  So, here’s a few goals I’ve got for myself as I start down the road of 2014…

-Lose the weight.  This one is starting to make me sound like a broken record.  I know it needs to be lost, and I need to keep going and being serious about it for more than a month.

-Eat less fast food.  Fast food has definitely become an escape method for me.  Let’s see, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right?  Okay, well I’ve admitted it, now to put into practice avoiding it.

-Read more and revamp book blog.  The discovery of Skyrim and the availability of Facebook have definitely interfered with my reading habit.  I’m a free-ish, single woman.  I should be reading.

-Speaking of Facebook…Neil Gaiman beat me to the punch last night when he posted that he’s going to be on Facebook less, and going to be blogging more.  I’ve been wasting far too much time on Facebook, and it’s really been bothering me over the last year.  Up until this last month it hasn’t really bothered me enough to do something about it, but I’m now to the point that I’m not giving it up, but I’m going to try to be on it quite a bit less.

-Spend more time writing.  First off, I want to update this blog on a more regular basis (and the book blog), but I also want to get more serious about writing in general.  I’ve got several very good ideas, but I’ve been too scared to write them down, too scared of what others might think of me if they knew what I had written.

-Dealing with fear.  I tend to let fear control my life, which is apparently a bad thing.  Mostly, I fear what other people think of me and my decisions.  Then when I know someone’s disappointed I spend way too much time beating myself up over it.  I’m going to try very hard to stop living in fear and especially try to stop beating myself up constantly for every time I think I’ve screwed up somehow.

Happy 2014!  Make it a good one!