All posts tagged Optimism

Huh, therapy and self-care do help. Whoda thunk it?

Published June 10, 2021 by Malia

I had a really odd moment in therapy this morning. I went in with a few things to talk about. Nothing too exciting, just some things I’ve been processing and towards the end of session my therapist asked me, “That’s a lot going on. So, how are you doing with all this?”

I thought about it. I thought about how over the last several years (basically my entire adult life), when faced with similar things, I would’ve been sent in such a deep depressive spiral. About how all I would’ve wanted to do is lock myself up and hide away from everyone and everything.

And you know what? That’s not how I feel right now. Sure, I’ve got things going on that fill me with dread and anxiety but good or bad, these things will eventually be in the past, and I’ll hopefully still be here.

I’m learning to be kind to myself. My entire life, I’ve been my biggest critic, my number one enemy. I’ve been fixated on my flaws. Figured that if I made the joke first, I took the stick away from others and the bullying would be lessened. I’ve always been worried about everything, and torn to shreds with a load of guilt for every single bad thing that has happened my entire life.

I’ve come to the realization, my worry has accomplished nothing. For example, I can spend the next 5 months a ball of nerves, constantly freaking out about whether Tom’s cancer is still with us and spreading. But my worry will solve nothing. In November, he will either get good or bad news. There’s a 50% chance of good news, and if I’m going to fixate on anything, I should fixate on having hope. Instead of being my biggest hater, I need to be my biggest fan!

So, what was the odd moment? It was odd being able to look at him and honestly say, “Y’know, I’m actually doing okay with all of this.” And even odder to leave and not be overwhelmed with self-doubt, questioning if I really am okay or did I unintentionally lie to make myself look better than I am. I feel this sense of lightness. Almost giddiness.

No, I’m not cured. But I am mentally healthier. I’m seeing actual progress, and I want to celebrate that!

P.S. While playing with Snapchat earlier today, I captured this magical moment:

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life (Cue Whistling)

Published September 6, 2012 by Malia

I’m kind of a pessimist.  I don’t mean to be; I’ve seen how bad things can go so many times I automatically go into glass half empty mode.  This is why I was surprised at myself today.  Today, I inadvertently was an optimist.

I think I started to realize that something was different shortly before I headed to work.  I had a rough night and didn’t sleep well, so I was really tired this morning, and normally I would’ve been dreading going to work.  However, I found myself not dreading work.  In fact, I was excited to get there.  I was really hoping that after a very slow start to the semester there would be lots more work for me to do.  Not only was there loads more work to do, I didn’t have enough time to get it all taken care of.

Then, tonight I was fighting the fact that I needed to work out.  I skipped last night (I’m thinking this might be why I didn’t sleep well), and all of a sudden, my brain shouted at me, “There are tons of people on this planet that wish their legs worked.  Now, get your butt up and walk!” and I did!

My most surprisingly optimistic moment of the day came when I finally had a conversation with someone that I’d been dreading.  (I was dreading the conversation, not the person.)  I’d been avoiding this conversation for the better part of a week.  Not only, did it go amazingly well, but good things came from it that I didn’t even expect.

I’m not sure that I’m going to become an optimist over night, but this is a small step in that direction.