Panic

All posts tagged Panic

Worried? Stressed? Filled With Anxiety? Join the Club.

Published February 7, 2014 by ia84

Mom says that when I was born, I had this worried little look on my face.  Apparently it was such a good impression of my dead great-grandmother, it earned me the instant nickname, “Little Wilma.”  (Wilma was the dead great-grandmother, and apparently was a bit of a worrywart. I felt I should probably clarify that).  I didn’t used to think I deserved the nickname.  Lately, though, I’m starting to think I do.

A few years ago, I went through the terrifying experience of being unemployed for over a year (after being employed at what I thought was a long term job for 3.5 years).  It was at the end of that year that I went back to school for a year and a half.  The time from when my last “real” job ended until I was employed at my current job was two and a half years.  It was a horrible time in my life, especially the first year when I was job hunting.  I came to believe that I was the most worthless waste of space on planet Earth.  It didn’t help that there’s was this constant thought in my head that I didn’t even deserve to have a roof over my head.  Even now, I’m very aware of the fact that I should have been homeless.

When I got hired at my current job, I was so excited.  It was my dream job.  Working in a lab.  Wearing a lab coat.  Being an integral part of the medical community, but not having to actually deal with patients (just, y’know, what comes out of their bodies).  Even now, just over a year there, I still get excited that I get to work there.  However, with the excitement comes a whole slew of other emotions.

I’m really scared and stressed out.  Every day, I’m filled with panic because I love my job so much, and I don’t want to lose it.  And the funny thing is, that’s not even something I’m looking at having happen.  Everything has been really good.  My co-workers are great.  My boss is great.  The work is fantastic.  My last job and those years of unemployment just messed me up so bad, I’m really struggling.  I have a co-worker that has told me, more than once, that I need to “lighten up,” and I wish I could tell him how badly I want to be able to.

Not only that, but I wish I could figure out how to lighten up.  I’ve basically got six years of baggage hanging over my head that I’m trying to figure out how to deal with.  I really want to be able to let down my guard and start letting my co-workers in, because right now I’m not sure I seem to terribly different from the Ice Queen, Lady Mary.

Random Saturday Musings

Published December 30, 2012 by ia84

-So, today I was at Hancock Fabrics, and I looked up from whatever it was I was looking at and noticed a couple of people at the end of the aisle.  Normally, I wouldn’t have thought anything of it, but what drew my attention was that two of them were wearing the Fourth Doctor scarves.  (Two different versions.)  They turned out to be pretty cool, and randomly meeting fellow Whovians totally made my day.

-I’ve yet to hear back from the job I interviewed with last week.  They told me they’d let me know one way or another by the end of this week.  I’m hoping that they simply forgot to figure in the fact that Christmas was this week, and I’ll hear something next week.  I’ve been in full blown panic since last night.  I know I shouldn’t worry, but being jobless is not something I handle brilliantly.  Plus, I really want the job at the lab, and the longer I have to wait to find out if I got the job makes me more and more stressed.

-The flu has been bouncing around our home since Christmas Eve.  It finally attacked me this afternoon.  Hopefully it’s about run out of steam.

-I’m super excited about the S Loom I got for Christmas.  I do loom knitting, and I’ve been drooling over the S Loom for a couple of years now.  I’m really bad at stitching panels together to create a blanket, so the S Loom was really appealing to me because it allows me to make blankets without having to mess with the stitching of panels.

-So, I’m not sure if I stumbled across something really incredibly stupid, or the most brilliant money-making scheme ever.  Yesterday, I was at the grocery store and one of the freezer endcaps had a deal featured that was if you bought 6 Lean Cuisines you got either a free pack of Skinny Cow ice cream treats or a free container of Edy’s ice cream.  Now, I thought people at Lean Cuisine because of the weight brought on by eating things like Edy’s.  However, if the person on the diet eats the Edy’s, they’ll gain weight and need more Lean Cuisine.

-Yesterday, I went to the Joslyn, and was once again confronted with the fact that while I really love art, I just don’t get modern art.  There was a piece of paper that was painted with a rectangle of black and a rectangle of grey.  Those were the only things on that piece of paper, and it was hung proudly on the wall.  I’m confused.  What about that makes it art?  I grew up believing that art was something you put your heart and soul into.  Maybe the artist is obsessed with rectangles.  I can’t think of any other reason that makes it make sense.

-I was introduced to Spotify this week.  It’s what I’ve always wanted Pandora to be.  I like that if I’m in the mood to hear a specific song, Spotify will play said song, and not one that it judges to be similar.  Although, I’m really hating that tonight Spotify is insisting on playing Trojan commercials every single time it goes to a commercial break.

-I can’t believe it’s almost 2013.

-Tonight I realized that the relationship of Sherlock and John on Sherlock is exactly like that of Sheldon and Leonard on Big Bang Theory.  John is Sherlock’s filter.  He’s the one who keeps Sherlock in check.  This is pretty much what Leonard does for Sheldon.

-Speaking of Sherlock, !!!!!!!!HERE BE SPOILERS!!!!!!!  I’m still trying to figure out how he survived suicide.  Obviously, he did, but how.  Mom’s theory is that there was a mask that he put over Moriarity’s face.  Possible, but it’s still bothering me that we were shown someone alive standing on the edge of the roof moving around.  I know that Molly had to have helped him cook up some solution, but I still can’t quite put my finger on what it is.