Last night I did something I haven’t done in almost a decade. I sang, solo, in public. I don’t know if I did well or really terrible. I don’t exactly trust the opinions of drunk people. I should mention that I wasn’t drunk. All I drank last night was a soda, no alcohol in it.
And I just realized how off track I’m getting.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about how I was finding myself singing pretty much all the time. I also mentioned that it had been a long time since that had happened. Last night, I went to karaoke, and finally got my gumption up to go pick a song and put myself in the queue. I picked Skyfall, because it’s one of my very favorite songs, and I decided that if I was going to fail, I was going to do it on a pretty epic scale.
When my turn came, I got the microphone, and as the first line passed my lips, something incredible happened. The fear, the lack of confidence, the overwhelming insecurity that has hounded and haunted me for the last ten years vanished. My voice was there, and it was strong (like I said, don’t know if it was good or not, but there was definitely some power there). For the first time, in a really long time, I suddenly didn’t care what anyone thought of me.
Something inside me has started to break free, and it’s pretty fantastic. I’m starting to unlock parts of me that I’ve kept locked up for years because of fear and hurt and fear of being hurt. I struggle with the idea of being vulnerable, but I think it’s time I am.
So, it’s a week until Christmas. Yay! I’m actually enjoying the Christmas spirit this year. I’m just so thankful to be with my family, it’s going to be a fantastic holiday.
Last Friday night I drove home from Grand Forks, and arrived in Omaha around midnight. The next morning I got up way earlier than I wanted so that I could rehearse music with my parents. We were doing the music at our church’s over-40’s Christmas party. Now, many years ago, my parents and I performed our take on gospel music quite regularly. However, it’s been about 7 years since the last time we performed anything for anyone. I had a grand total of one rehearsal with my parents going into the music presentation on Saturday night, and it didn’t go too badly. I managed to get video of the performance, and I thought I’d share part of it tonight. (Hopefully, I’ll be able to share the gospel music part in a few days.) Here’s the video of my family covering the Christmas “classic” Leroy the Redneck Reindeer:
My mama is playing the autoharp and dad is playing the banjo. I’m not playing an instrument (although, I’m about to get serious about learning mandolin), but I am singing with the group. It was a lot of fun.
This song has been a bit special to our family, because my Grampa’s (the one who passed this summer) first name was Leroy. The first time we performed this song was for him at family Christmas many years ago.
That wasn’t the only reminder of Grampa Saturday night. Every year for Christmas we’d give Grampa a can or box of ribbon candy. As long as I can remember he always got ribbon candy. Well, at the party on Saturday night, there was a white elephant give-away. My dad picked a package, and when opened found it was a box of ribbon candy. The exact kind of ribbon candy that we got for Grampa. It was a bittersweet moment. Kind of seemed like Grampa was looking down on us, letting us know he’s thinking about us.