The Whole Elephant

Published April 4, 2015 by Malia

Today, I boxed up the boy’s old dishes, and supply of plastic glassware, and unpacked my dishes & non-plastic glassware and put it away on the shelf.  I’m in the middle of making my second loaf of bread, with my super awesome new bread machine.  I cleaned the master bathroom.  I emptied the trash out of my car (it was such a mess, it went well beyond embarrassing).  I accomplished much, and yet I’m sitting here feeling like I accomplished nothing.

If I were Suzy Q. Homemaker, I’d have everything clean, the basement would be completely organized, the laundry would be going, the thank you notes would be written and delivered, and all of my belongings would be unpacked and put away and no longer living in boxes making the guest room look like a disaster area storage unit.  (And I wouldn’t be writing long run-on sentences.  Also, I wouldn’t be using terrible grammar because I’m too lazy to go back and fix obvious mistakes.)

As of today, we’ve been married for three weeks, and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.  It’s hard to explain.  It’s been a crazy amount of change in a very short amount of time.  Before three weeks ago, I’d never kissed a guy, let alone lived with one.  Before three weeks ago, the most responsible thing I had to do everyday was just make sure I got myself to work.  The boy has been amazing.  He’s incredibly patient with me, and that’s truly what’s getting me through this.

I had lunch with my dad yesterday, and I was telling him about how frustrated I am with myself.  Basically, I want to be SuperWife, and falling  short of mark makes this perfectionist want to cry.  I told him that I wish I had taken more than a week and a half off from work.  I had no idea how overwhelming and stressful this all would be.  He was really sweet and kind, and asked me, “How do you eat an elephant?”  Now, the correct answer is, “One bite at a time,” but lately I’ve been approaching things, “The whole thing in one bite!”

So, I’m going to do my best to hang up the cape.  Let some other poor woman try to be SuperWife.  I think right now the best thing I can do for the boy and myself is just be Wife.

2 comments on “The Whole Elephant

  • Dear Sweet Young Friend, it IS overwhelming, to suddenly combine two independent and highly skilled and functioning individuals into one household, not to mention looking ahead at sharing the rest of one’s life with same! What you are feeling is just right! What may not feel right is allowing yourself the time to let the boxes stay in the guestroom, and not have deep-cleaned the whole house, within a month after you moved in there! The whole idea of living with another person is honestly overwhelming, and I think that you’re doing a wonderful job of adapting to the new circumstances. It is ok to have dust-bunnies in the corners, your husband is not looking at anything other than you!! And, thinking how fabulously lucky that he got, to have caught the eye, and the interest, of sweet, magical you. The world and advertising copy puts too much pressure on us to produce the perfectly presented house, the perfect scrubbed toilet, and all the silverware matching, before we should allow ourselves to feel satisfied with our performance as “Wives”! You and the young ladies of your age group have all the power — you have the ability to be who you are, in this new role, and define it by how you do it, rather than letting it define you —- I am just so proud of you, for this is a huge step that you — and your young man have taken. It’s perfectly ok to feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and to wonder “what-in-the-H____ have-I-done?”! You are going to get through this adjustment period, but don’t be alarmed if, in three months or so, you suddenly have a sudden plunge into the cold waters of “!! Omg!” reality intrudes momentarily, overwhelmingly, once again. (that’s when everything that I had done, hit me, almost three months to the day after I had married the man with whom I’d thought I’d be spending the rest of my life!) so, I guess I just want you to feel ok with the way(s) that you’re feeling, now, give yourself permission every day to (1.) Take a nap. (2.) Be by yourself for a little while. (3.) Don’t necessarily share everything you might be thinking — (Lord-Have-Mercy, that Morning Breath of his! That you never noticed before!!). (4.) Always, and I mean always, keep back a good portion of your OWN MONEY. nobody needs to know but no one, but a woman needs to be able to have a little “kit” set back, in case. In case of an emergency, and believe me, something you may never need may help you most, one day. Enough of the best-meant advice and best and happiest hopes to you!! Could you please send me your address again, to my E-mail address? Thank you!

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